


Force du Coeur

by Stargazer1116



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, Childhood Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Fluffy-duffy-bum-bum, Friendship/Love, Hallmark Channel of Reylo, No Smut, Past Child Abuse, Romantic Fluff, Romantic not Smutty, Sexy not smutty, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, flufffest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 60,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15161705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer1116/pseuds/Stargazer1116
Summary: "Force du Coeur" is French for "strength of heart"...and that it includes "force" makes it THAT MUCH BETTER!Kylo Ren is the CEO of a successful corporation in NYC. In a power play, his board, led by his uncle, demand that he marry to makeover his dismal public image. Rey is an art therapist working with foster kids in Harlem. When she contacts Kylo for possible support, he proposes a business deal that can benefit them both. He has no idea how much this woman with a fierce heart will turn his world upside down.If you are looking for a fluffy, romantic, Reylo love story, I'm your girl. The rating will not change. I'm the PG-13 gal of the Reylo fic fandom!





	1. Order

Kylo Ren was a creature of habit.

He woke at precisely 5:30 am every day and first worked out in his gym. It was one of several rooms in his spacious penthouse in the Central Park West area of Manhattan.

A shower followed at 6:15. He would walk into his closet and select a dress shirt and slacks from the sea of black and grey his closet housed.

By 6:45 he was in his kitchen, blending a protein shake and filling his stainless steel travel mug with rich, aromatic coffee--black of course.

By 7:00 he was out the door, and heading to the parking garage.

His black Tesla was always spotless. The weekly detailing service offered through his building assured that. He set down the black leather messenger bag on the black leather seat and positioned his shake in the cupholder closer and his coffee in the other. When he turned over the motor, strains of Rachmaninoff filled the cabin.

By the time he pulled up in front of his office building in the financial district and passed his keys off to the valet, it would be 7:20 and the protein shake would be consumed...the cup left in the car. That is, unless something happened in the road that delayed him.

He did not like to be delayed.

By the time the elevator dropped him off at the 45th floor to his office of chrome and black, it would be 7:30...on the nose.

It wasn’t unusual for employees to cower and turn the other way when they saw him coming. He didn’t care.

He was there to lead the international import-export business he was the CEO of to make money.

And, he was very good at making money, regardless of how his staff felt about him.

This wasn’t a social club, it was a business.

The only one that didn’t flinch around him was his assistant, Maz Kanata. He had no idea how old the tiny woman was. She stood at 4’10” next to his 6’3”, but she was only one who was not afraid of him and didn’t take any of his crap.

He trusted her implicitly. She knew...well, she had been with him a long time, known him even longer, and she just knew.

“Kylo, the meeting for the China deal was moved up to 2:00, and the board meeting has been moved back to 9:00. I put your mail on your desk. You have an interesting request in there.”

She was looking up at him with those huge coke bottle glasses, her eyes filled with mirth.

“Very well, Maz. Please make sure I am not disturbed before the board meeting.”

In general, he tried not to encourage her when she tried to fish for something. But, he would be lying his curiosity wasn’t raised by her reaction.

What could be waiting on his desk?

He saw his pile of mail. There few document FedEx items and other standard business sized envelopes.

But right in the middle of all of it was a small manilla envelope with a stamp that said “LOVE.” The return address sticker was printed on what appeared to be a miniature version of a child’s artwork, bearing the name, “Scavenged Hope.”

Nothing else in that pile could have brought this reaction from Maz. He was almost afraid to touch it. His interest in what could be inside won out, though, so he opened the flap.

Surprisingly, the letter folded in half inside was relatively business-like. It was a request for support from the organization, Scavenged Hope. It went on to explain they worked with foster-care youth, and…

He cast it aside. He got requests from hundreds of organizations a year. He seldom did anything with it, leaving that up to more philanthropic leaders to vet through. He made a mental note to pass it off to Phasma when he saw her in the China meeting this afternoon.

After sifting through the other documents on his desk, he made notes for Maz on how to proceed with them and checked the clock on his desk. It was 8:45, time to head to the boardroom.

Kylo founded First Order with his former mentor eight years ago. Allistair Snoke had since passed away, but one of the last acts was to take the company public. With that, a board of directors was instituted.

He preferred to not have to be accountable to a group that didn’t understand the inner-workings of First Order as he did, but that was part of entering the market.

The board was made up of 9 top shareholders and three FO staff: Kylo, Armitage Hux, and John Peavey. Hux was the Senior VP of Marketing, and Peavey was the Senior VP of Finance and Operations.

The assistant was still laying out the agenda, water bottles, etc. at each place when he came in, the first to arrive. The glass and chrome table sat next to a bank of windows that overlooked the skyline.

Slowly, the board members began to trickle in. Kylo tersely greeted them, not indulging in small talk.

The chairman of the board, his uncle Luke Skywalker, called the meeting to order. He hated that his uncle was on the board...even more, that he was the chairman.

Luke was the founder of a leadership development consulting firm and was ridiculously in demand as a motivational speaker. Kylo tried not to sneer.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to call this meeting to order. We just have a few matters to attend to today. We have the old business of the China export network merger, the adoption of the new HR standards, and one new item of business I will bring at the end. John, would you like to share the financials about China?”

Kylo listened to John drone on about the particulars of the potential buyout of a Chinese export corporation.

It was an exciting deal that would widen their influence in a key country for the work they do, but the spreadsheets that excited Peavey left him bored. Kylo was a man of action, strategy, and decisions. Some smaller buyouts were able to be done with him and his senior staff, but the China deal was big enough that the board had to be involved. He tried not to let his mind wander.

Finally, the discussion was closed and the final decision was made. They needed this key approval before the meeting this afternoon with the leaders of the Chinese organization.

Luke started again, “OK...next item on the agenda is the new HR standards. As you know, the climate in the corporate world is changing. There is a greater need to value the human capital in this new age. In light of that, we have re-evaluated the HR policies and have provided updates. These updates are in front of you, including extended maternity leave, the process for anonymous employee grievance filing, flex-schedules, and emotional intelligence training.”

Kylo stifled a snicker.

“Now, we discussed these at the last meeting, and the requested changes have been made. If everything is in order, I will call the vote.”

Kylo thought this was the smoothest board meeting he had in a long time. It was 9:45, and they were in the home stretch.

“Now, for the new item of business. Kylo, we have received several complaints from former employees about your management style.”

His head whipped around. “What?”

“Yes - it seems that contrary to your opinion, not everyone appreciates a surly boss that makes them afraid to pass you in the hall.”

Kylo was sure he heard Hux disguise a laugh with a cough.

“You, Kylo, are in need of a public image makeover. HR waves make stockholders nervous. The possibility of someone filing a grievance, or even a lawsuit…”

“Lawsuit! Because I don’t say hello to them in the morning and institute book clubs at lunch?”

“Well, I have a report from one Lauren Smith that you yelled at her repeatedly and caused emotional distress that has made her seek a therapist…”

“That woman was incompetent and didn’t spell check her emails…”

“...and a Greg Dawson that says you threatened to fire him for spilling coffee?”

“Did he remember to tell you that the coffee was spilled on the paperwork for the port deal we were working on after I repeatedly asked him not to have liquids on his desk when dealing with notarized legal documents?”

“I have more...shall I go on?”

Kylo realized that the more he fought this, the more defensive he looked and the worse this got. “No.”

“This all, of course, is in addition to articles and posts about you around town. You are known for making waitresses cry…”

“What is your point here, Luke,” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“Very well. As I mentioned earlier, times have changed. We feel that a more collaborative, transformational style of leadership is needed. You need to build trust with your employees, not terrify them. I have consulted with the shareholder board members, and we agree. You need to do something drastic to improve your image.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“We are all in agreement that you need to settle down. We think you need a wife.”

Kylo’s head stayed lowered, but his eyes shot up to Luke in rage. “You know exactly why that isn’t going to happen.”

“Listen...we aren’t demanding you fall in love. This is a business arrangement. You need someone on your arm that softens your image and helps people not be so scared of you. If you would like, I can make some suggestions of available society women looking for a rich husband. This need not be a romantic endeavor.”

“I would rather gnaw my right arm off than saddle myself to a gold-digging socialite. I’m not doing this.”

“Oh...I am afraid this is non-negotiable, Kylo. Show us you are interested in making the real changes we are asking for, or we will find a leader who is. We would like an update by the meeting next month.”

His negotiating expertise knew when he was back against a wall and further debate was useless. He shut his mouth and seethed as they wrapped up the meeting.

He exited the boardroom as soon as it was adjourned. His long legs moved him swiftly down the hall.

He heard Hux calling after him, but he wasn’t stopping to talk to anyone. He breezed past Maz and slammed his door.

He wanted nothing more than to go to the small gym off his office and blow off some steam on the punching bag in there, but before he could follow that thought any further, he heard a soft knock on his door.

Maz peeked around the corner before coming in and shutting the door. “What happened?”

He ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair and down his face. “I don’t want to talk about it, Maz.”

“Of course you don’t. But if you don’t vent some of that, you are going to make a mess that is going to cost a lot of money to clean up. I just got your shelving fixed after that India deal fell through and you had your last bender in here.”

Kylo sank onto his black leather couch, head in his hands. “This is much, much worse than that.”

She sat on the arm of the couch and leaned in. “Tell me what happened. It can’t be that bad...I can help you fix it.”

He exhaled and shook his head. “You can’t fix this one, Maz.”

“Try me.”

He took a deep breath, “They think I have a public image problem. They want me to get married.”

He thought her eyes always looked huge in those glasses, but they were positively gargantuan now.

“Married? You? Do they know you don’t date?”

“Yes - I am sure they do. I think this is just my uncle’s way to stick it to me for not talking to my mom.”

Maz was one of the only people associated with FO that understood why Kylo wouldn’t let himself get romantically involved. It wasn’t a good reason...but it was a reason.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I mean, I can’t do that, can I? Just get married because the board says I should?”

“Well, they do have the power to force you out. I don’t know if legally they can blame something like this…”

“They said to just make it a business arrangement...they want to send me a file with prospects. It’s like some sick version of a TV show...the Corporate Bachelor.”

“Well, your calendar is clear until that meeting at 2:00, and I have something that can get you out of the office for a bit. You might not be interested, but it would be an excuse to get some air.”

His eyes were distant, staring out the window as they tried to process his turbulent thoughts.

“Kylo?”

“Huh...oh, sorry, what was that?”

“I have an errand I can send you on to get you out of here for a bit. Are you interested?”

“Sure...what is it.”

“Well, I just had a lovely conversation with a young lady name Rey Johnson. She's the one that sent you the funding request?”

He looked over at his desk, thinking that was the name on that letter he opened this morning.

“Anywho...she said she would like to invite you down to the center she runs to view what they do first hand. She seems anxious to connect with you.”

He snorted, “Of course she is...she wants money.”

Maz’s eyes hardened at him a bit. “Kylo, she works hard to create programming for foster kids who are shuffled through the system. She does art therapy with them and tries to help them. Of course, she needs money...she relies on donors and isn’t getting any state or county funds. I was impressed with her passion and perseverance. I think you should go.”

He rolled his eyes. “Will it get you off my back?”

“Yes...go and don’t come back until that 2:00. I will call you a driver.”

She left and he was alone with his thoughts, wondering how she had gotten him to agree to such a thing.

Actually,he knew. She swooped in while he was distracted from the meeting. She was a crafty little thing.

He groaned. He was not the right person to send for a potential philanthropic support appointment.

This was a bad idea. 


	2. Braveheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's good to know that in this fic, Rey is the hero and doesn't even know it. She has survived her past, and she brings light and love to everyone she meets...including Mr. Tall, Dark, and Broody.
> 
> Happy 4th of July!

Rey hung up the phone with Kylo Ren’s assistant and squealed.

 

Rose ran to her door, one of her shoes in her hand. “What...did you see another roach?”

 

Rey’s eyes danced with amusement at her tiny assistant, so brave and ready to protect her from their unwelcome...guests.

 

“No! Rose...I got through to Mr. Ren’s assistant, and she was very kind. She said she would talk to him and see if he could stop by sometimes. See...it’s what I always say: the fortune is in the follow-up.”

 

The smaller woman put her shoe back on. “How much did you ask him for?”

 

“I didn’t put an amount, but at this point, anything would help!”

 

Rose looked around Rey’s decent-sized office, suddenly made smaller by the moving boxes.

 

“Rey...are you sure you want to sleep here? It just doesn’t feel safe. You can stay with Finn and me until things pick up and you can get an apartment again.”

 

“Really...I think it’s fine. I don’t want to impose. Besides, I often wind up sleeping here on my couch when I work late. It’s just for a few weeks...I am sure of it.”

 

Rose bit her lip, “Can I at least buy you some roach traps? I can’t be here all the time to defend you.”

 

Rey pushed down a shiver. She hated bugs, and the bigger they were, the worse the fear was. The cockroaches that had been making their appearance at their center were the biggest she had ever seen.

 

For just a second, she felt her spirits drop.

 

She couldn’t believe that she had to move into her office temporarily. Being the founder of a non-profit was fulfilling to her soul, but not her checkbook.

 

She sent up a little prayer that her request would find favor with Mr. Ren...she was feeling desperate.

 

But then, in typical Rey fashion, she shook off the dark thoughts, and positivity came flooding in.

 

She knew she was fulfilling her purpose at Scavenged Hope. She well knew where these kids were coming from and what they needed. She wished she had a place to come like this when she was in the foster system in London.

 

After taking a class on it in her undergrad psychology program at NYU, she fell in love with art therapy and completed her master’s program there as well.

 

She always knew she wanted to do something with children in the system. After Finn started his jiu-jitsu dojo, she got the idea for a small community center where she could do an art therapy program and Finn could run classes. He used the Gracie kids method, which focused on building kids’ self-esteem, helping them diffuse bully situations, and self-defense.

 

They had only worked in this Harlem neighborhood for a year. Finn and Rose volunteered their time to help out Rey. He did the classes, and Rose worked in the office on Mondays and Wednesdays.

 

She hung up some of her clothes on the door jam to her storage closet, and pulled out the bedding she would need for tonight. She knew this wouldn’t last long.

 

There was a solution that would come soon.

 

“Yes, Rose...you can get me some roach traps,” she conceded with a sigh.

 

________________________

 

The driver dropped Kylo off at the address Maz gave him. He dubiously surveyed the storefront office in a dilapidated strip of units. Right next door there was a park with basketball courts.

 

He checked the unit number again and pulled open the door.

 

He walked into a large open space. It looked like it could have been a dance studio. Several doorways spilled out to the side, including one with an open door.

 

A small Asian woman stepped out when she heard the bells on the door announce his arrival.

 

“May I help you?”

 

He turned to her and said, “Yes...I am looking for a Rey Johnson. I am Kylo Ren.”

 

The woman’s eyes got big. “Oh...of course, Mr. Ren. You can have a seat and I’ll get Rey.”

 

His eyes darted suspiciously to the old, rusting folding chairs up against the wall. He decided to stand to wait.

 

Rose ran into her office and closed the door. “REY-REY!” she whisper-yelled. “HE’S HERE!”

 

She had been pulling more items she would need out of the boxes. She turned to her friend with her brow furrowed in confusion. “Who is here?”

 

“KYLO REN!”

 

Her eyes grew round as saucers. “NO! Now?! Not now!”

 

“Yes...now! What do you want me to do.”

 

Rey looked around helplessly. There was nothing to be done. The work clothes she was wearing and disaster of boxes would not disappear. Maybe the state of her office would make them seem needier and pull at his heart-strings.

 

"I'll just go get him, I guess."

 

On her way out, Rose turned back around and said softly, “And Rey...he is a tall drink of water. Wait till you see him!”

 

She scurried off after that and left Rey to try to make a pathway to the chairs in front of her desk. She sighed and started to head out.

 

“Mr. Ren?” she asked.

 

She really hoped that her voice didn't really quiver like she heard it in her head.

 

He stuck out his hand. “Please, call me Kylo.”

 

A huge smile broke out on her face as she shook his offered hand, “OK, Kylo. Welcome to Scavenged Hope. Please, follow me. I must apologize for my office...we are moving some things around…”

 

He followed her and sat gingerly on the old vinyl dining chair in front of her desk.

 

“Thank you so much for coming by, Kylo.”

 

His face was unreadable, but his eyes were darting around the room. “Maz said you talked to her about the work you do here. She sent me to come by.”

 

“I had no idea she meant in an hour when she said you would come soon.”

 

A genuine smile, just a bit crooked on his face, broke out at hearing his assistant’s name. “You don’t know Maz. She is half my size, but impossible to resist.”

 

Rey stifled a smirk that threatened to break free. She imagined the most people were half his size, but the picture of a tiny woman making this giant do anything was comical. “She seemed very kind. I assume she shared with you what I told her?”

 

He nodded.

 

She smiled again, “Great! Do you have any questions about it?”

 

“No, not really. Well, I was wondering what made you decide to do this?”

 

“Sure. Well, I was a foster kid myself…”

 

“Not here? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, it’s just that your accent…”

 

“Yes, of course, I was in the system in London.”

 

He nodded, “Please, continue.”

 

“Err...yes, so I was a foster, and I always knew I was interested in doing therapy. But for me, art was a close second, so with art therapy, I am able to combine my two passions into one. I teach art after school and utilize a special therapy program designed for kids 8-12. I hope to expand to teens someday as well, but right now resources are tight. My friend Finn teaches jiu-jitsu classes in the evening, and his wife Rose you met out there volunteers office administration time.”

 

“I see. Miss Johnson…”

 

“It’s Rey.”

 

“Yes, well, Rey...what exactly are you hoping for here?”

 

“Mr….sorry, Kylo, any support you give would be so helpful. We only operate on donations. One of my best donors was an elderly lady I used to live by in grad school. She recently passed away, so we lost her as a donor.”

 

His eyes continued to move around the room. “Rey...are you...living here?”

 

Rey felt her face flush, but then scolded herself for being embarrassed. She had nothing to be ashamed of, willing to start a non-profit and being so committed that she would forgo comforts for her passion.

 

“Well, at the moment, yes. It is a temporary situation, I assure you.”

 

His eyes met hers, and she was startled at the dark depths of them. He _was_ a very attractive man and being held by those eyes flustered her a bit.

 

“I would be happy to send any documentation you need. Rose is a CPA and all of our financials are in order.”

 

He stood up and started pacing the room.

 

As he was walking around her office, he was perplexed as to what he was thinking about all of this.

 

He felt moved by Rey’s story and what she was trying to do, but it was painfully obvious it wasn’t going well from what he observed.

 

An idea popped into his mind. Frankly, it was an insane idea. Kylo was not one to give in to whimsy, however, so he suppressed it.

 

But it just popped back above the surface of his mind again...and then again.

 

He mulled over what to do and talked himself into sleeping on it. He thought of a plan that he could use two different ways.

 

Yes...yes that would work. Then he would have an out, and wouldn’t be acting impulsively.

 

“Rey...I would like to see those financials. Would it be possible for you to bring them to my office tomorrow? Then we can chat more over lunch?”

 

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh...um...sure. I can do that. What time?”

 

“11:45” he replied curtly.

 

She nodded. “And, may I have the address?”

 

He shook his head. “No need, Rey. I will send a car for you at 11:20.”

 

While she didn’t want to put anyone out, not having to navigate the subways to find his office felt like a relief to her. “That is very kind of you, Kylo. I will see you then.”

 

He turned to look at her before nodding abruptly, then stalked out of her office.

 

As soon as she heard the bell on the door, she sat down at her desk and sunk her head onto her folded arms. “UGHHHHHHH!”

 

Rose immediately appeared in the doorway. “What was that?”

 

Rey lifted her head, still grimacing. “He wants me to meet him for lunch tomorrow.”

 

Rose wiggled her eyebrows at her and suggestively said, “Really?”

 

“No Rose...not like that. He wants me to bring the financials to discuss them.”

 

Still teasing, the other woman said, “Sure, Rey. I could have just printed them here. He didn’t have to ask you to go there. What time?”

 

“He is sending a car for me at 11:20.”

 

“Wow - so precise!” Rose turned to look at the empty path the man had just trailed through their facility. “He is a very striking man…” she said wistfully.

 

“Rose!” she gasped.

 

“Wha-at...I am married Rey, not blind. I’m just surprised, with his reputation...I didn’t expect him to be so hunky. Intense yes, but...yeah...just wow...”

 

Rey’s brows dipped together in confusion. “What do you mean, reputation?”

 

“He really has a bad rep in the industry. I have a friend that used to work at First Order. Everyone is scared of him...he’s not known as Mr. Congeniality. She heard him talking to someone once, and he was just cruel and dismissive.”

 

Rey looked out the window, lost in thought. He seemed...abrupt. But she wouldn’t characterize him the way Rose described. “Well,” she breathed, “lunch will be interesting.”


	3. Collaboration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "proposal"

Rey sat in her office, chewing on her pen.

It was 11:00, and she was starting to get nervous.

She was ready, with Rose’s carefully prepared documents in her tote bag, She just had no idea what she would be walking into, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit like Daniel going into the lion’s den.

She looked down and checked her appearance yet again. She normally didn’t dress professionally, but she felt the need to step up her game today.

She had on the emerald green silk blouse Finn and Rose had gotten her for Christmas with a black pencil skirt and black pumps. Her hair was back in a bun, and she had her favorite earrings on with green, turquoise and orange gemstones embedded in a gold filigree background.

She felt like she looked the part of a non-profit founder asking for a grant from a New York businessman.

Rose popped her head in. “Almost ready?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “You aren’t even supposed to be here today. Stop it...you are making me more nervous.”

“I know...I just couldn’t stop myself. You look gorgeous, though! He’s not going to be able to say no to you!”

She chewed on her lip, “I hope so, Rose. I don’t know what we are going to do if he does.”

Her friend came over to hug her. “Hey there, Miss Sunshine. You know that this work is your purpose, and you are passionate about it. When you turn it on, a light just radiates out of you and people fall under your spell. Just be yourself and help Mr. Ren understand why Scavenged Hope’s story is important. He can’t help but see how good it would be to support us.”

She nodded, then heard the bells at the door. They both jumped up to see who was there.

A man in a black uniform stood there with his driver cap in his hand. “Miss Johnson? Mr. Ren sent me to fetch you. I am Mitaka. Are you ready to go?”

Rey nodded and went back into her office to get her bag. She took a deep breath and meditated on the truth in Rose’s words briefly before striding out to meet the driver, confident of what she needed to do.

___________________________

Once they were at Kylo’s building, Mitaka ushered her up to the 45th floor and left her with his assistant. Rey instantly recognized the name of the tiny older woman, Maz.

She exuberantly stuck her hand out. “Ms. Maz...it is so lovely to meet you! I cannot thank you enough for encouraging Mr. Ren to visit Scavenged Hope. I wouldn’t be here to talk with him about this further without your advocacy...thank you!

Maz’s warm eyes took her in. Rey had the funny feeling she was being evaluated by her.

“Miss Johnson...it was my pleasure. I am glad Kylo listened to me.” She peered up at her with those huge eyes distorted by her thick glasses. “I didn’t know you would be such a lovely young lady.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “Oh...how kind. Yes, people are often surprised. I am young, but serious about my work and mission.”

“I have no doubt of that, my dear. Now, Kylo will be along soon. You may wait in his office for him.”

She ushered Rey into his office to the couch on one side. She took in his very dark, masculine space.

The couch she sat on was a soft black leather and chrome. The coffee table in front her was glass and chrome. She looked around and realized everything in his office appeared to be made of something black, chrome or glass.

She stood and walked to the window, taking in the view of the street below and of Central Park just down the street.

“Admiring my view?” she heard the deep rumble of his voice ask.

She turned abruptly to face him. “Oh...yes...it’s...lovely. What a blessing to have this to look out at each day.”

He cocked his head to look at her before uttering what she could only characterize as a grunt.

He dropped his satchel off on his desk and walked over to her. “I thought perhaps we could eat at The Capital Grille?”

Rey shrugged, “Sure. Wherever you want to go is fine with me, Kylo. I’m not picky.”

“Hmmm….lucky for you, I am. Let’s go. Mitaka will drop us off.” He stepped to the side and raised a hand towards the door. “After you.”

She stepped carefully, lest she trip on his plush rug in her heels, and walked out the door.

She waved to Maz and stopped at the end of the hallway leading to his office. Kylo had stopped to talk to his assistant, and she wanted to give them space lest their chat needed to be confidential.

Maz turned eyes filled with mischief to him. “So...she is quite lovely.”

His eyes darted to Rey before turning back to her. “She is, Maz.”

“I was just thinking, Kylo. Isn’t it interesting that such a lovely lady showed up in your life at precisely the time you received the ultimatum from the board.”

He rolled his eyes at her. “Yes...riveting.”

She leaned into him and whispered, “You should ask her out.”

He froze. “Maz...I will ask you to keep your concern on my professional life.”

“I am,” she deadpanned.

As he huffed away, she just grinned as the two of them as they walked towards the elevator. She had a good feeling about this.

___________________________

They rode in silence for the first few minutes before Rey started trying to make conversation.

“So...how long have you worked at First Order?”

“Eight years...since its inception. I helped found it with the former CEO, then took over that role a few years ago when he passed away.”

“Oh. And what is it First Order does?”

“We are in imports and exports. We have been expanding by purchasing similar smaller businesses in key import markets.”

“I see.” She didn’t see...and she was discovering that she knew little about this man.

“How long have you had your non-profit?”

Now this...this she could talk about. “I started it two years ago after I completed my grad program and got my therapy license. Where we are at now is our second location. We outgrew the first when I added jiu-jitsu.”

“And what made you decide to add that?”

“Well, my friend Finn is an instructor...you met his wife Rose yesterday. There is a jiu-jitsu model that is geared towards children and teens. It helps them focus on diffusing bullying, and also to protect themselves if need be. These are two skills that help foster children a great deal.”

“Why do they need assistance with bullying?”

She turned to look him in the eye. “Kylo...foster children are often the new kid, multiple times in multiple schools. They do not have a secure home life, leading them to have no self-confidence. And, they often are handed old and out of style clothing to wear. These things, and more, mean that they are at a higher risk for bullying.”

“Is that why they need self-defense? To help if they get bullied?”

She turned away from him to look out the window of the car. “That...and, I don’t know how much you know about foster homes, but they can be difficult, and even abusive situations. People are paid to foster, so sometimes their motivation is nefarious and the children are in danger.”

Kylo felt an unfamiliar pang of compassion stir. He wondered if she had experienced any of that.

He looked out his window too, not sure what to do with what their conversation was stirring. They pulled up to the restaurant, so he got out to help Rey from the car.

She wasn’t used to that. He was prickly, but his manners were impeccable.

He guided her to the hostess desk with a hand on the small of her back, and they were quickly whisked away to a quiet table in a corner by the windows.

Rey accepted the menu and looked inside. Her eyebrows raised involuntarily when she saw the prices.

“Would you like to know what is good here, Rey?”

“Ummm...sure, yes.”

“I prefer the filet, the truffle fries, and the grilled asparagus.”

He had no idea how easy Rey was to please when it came to food. “That sounds lovely.”

He motioned to the waiter that was hovering close. “We will both have…”

She tuned out his voice as she looked around at the elegant restaurant. She had never been to one so fine before, and she was fascinated.

“Rey...Rey. Is the cabernet acceptable to you?”

“Oh...uh...I don’t really drink. I will have iced tea, thank you.”

His eyes looked at her in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. “I’ll have the same, thank you.” and he handed their menus to the waiter.

“I’m sorry...I know it’s socially expected, I just really don’t…”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Rey.”

“OK….well, thank you. Would you like to look at the financials before our food comes?”

“Yes, that would be fine.”

He accepted the documents from her and flipped through the pages as she explained what they contained.

“So, as you can see, we run a tight ship and try to have careful stewardship over the resources we have.”

“Yes...I see that. So, am I to understand that your only expenses are your impossibly small salary, the rent, and miscellaneous art supplies?”

“Yes...when I started, I didn’t have much. I had a job for a while and was able to do both. A year ago, we got more and more kids involved, so I took the leap and quit my job. I lived off my savings for a while, but we haven’t quite turned the corner yet to fully support my salary.”

“Rey, you could make a decent living as a therapist. Why aren’t you doing that instead?”

Her eyes looked down and she tried to keep the unbidden tears that threatened to escape at bay.

“Because I am all that some of these kids have. I can’t abandon them. I have to find a way.”

Ben swallowed hard and did a funny jerky thing with his jaw.

He exhaled and started, “Rey, I have a business proposition to run by you.”

The wait staff arrived at that moment with their food. She inhaled deeply, salivating at the delicious smells emanating from the plates they brought. She immediately cut off a bite of the steak and had to stop herself from moaning at the taste.

As she cut the second bite, she said, “I’m sorry Kylo, you were saying something?”

He hadn’t touched his food yet.

“Yes. I find myself in an awkward and unique circumstance, and I think you might be able to help me. And I, in turn, can help you.”

She was chewing on her third bite.

“Me? I’m sorry, I don’t know how I can help you. I don’t know anything about your business, but of course, if I can…”

“Rey, my board has made a highly unusual request of me, one that I cannot, unfortunately, refuse if I want to keep my position.”

“That sounds difficult. Is the request something that goes against your principles?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that, but it is something I would prefer not to do, and I would not do without their insistence.”

“Is it intolerable to you?”

“Yes, and no...it depends.”

She pauses from her delectable steak and takes a sip of her tea.

“Do you have friends or family that you can bounce it off of?”

“Not really. Maz and I have discussed it, but she is not able to help.”

“I see. Kylo, I know you don’t know me very well, but I am a good listener. I am happy to be a sounding board for you.”

He took a drink of his tea also, then set it down and stared at the point where it contacted the tablecloth and the condensation created a ring around the bottom.

“They want me to get married.”

Her eyes flew open. “Wow...well, that seems extremely personal. Can they do that?”

“Unfortunately, in our by-laws, they can speak into personal character issues that affect the senior leadership. They are of the opinion that marriage would help soften and improve my image.”

“Well, are you dating or anything?”

His eyes looked to the side, “No...I don’t date.”

She started to put the next bite in her mouth. “What are you going to do?”

He turned his eyes back to her.

“That is where the business proposition comes in. I don’t have any desire to get married, but I must. I need to be seen with someone to satisfy my board. I need a solution without a romantic entanglement.”

She just watched him, chewing her food slowly.

He chewed his lip, his steak still untouched. “So...I just wondered, if I agreed to fully fund Scavenged Hope for three years...would agree to marry me for that period of time.”

She stopped chewing and tried to swallow. The bite just wouldn’t go down.

“I realize this is an unorthodox request…”

She finally swallowed down the piece of steak and took a big gulp of her tea.

“...but it could be something that could benefit both of us.”

“K-k-kylo...I don’t understand. You just met me...why would you ask me? Surely you have better options.”

He snorted. “The only other option at this point would be for a board member to arrange a meeting with a socialite. I have no interest in a fortune-seeking debutante that wants a real marriage.”

“But...I am a nobody from nowhere. A woman like that would be equipped to run in the social circles you are in. I would just embarrass you.”

He shook his head. “Rey, you couldn't possibly embarrass me. Artifice annoys me. Already in this lunch, you have eaten more than the women I remember dating long ago. They never talked about anything real, and they were just interested in gossip. You have a genuine spirit, and while it is different from me, it is refreshing. And, the work you do and the care you feel for it is exactly the kind of image they want from me. I could help you be able to continue, and you can pretend to be my wife. No one would believe that someone could stay married to me for longer than that anyhow, but it is long enough to be believable.”

She is still stunned at what he has asked, but she can’t stop the curiosity she feels.

“What exactly is it that you do, or portray, that would make them suggest something this drastic? Why do you think they would expect a short marriage from you?”

“I am not a people person, Rey. I do not tolerate inefficiency and excuses. I have been told that my style of leadership does not align with their vision of the company. They say I make people cry.”

“Do you?”

“Apparently, on occasion, I do.”

She looked out the window for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

“Kylo...I think we are opposites. I am undisciplined and inefficient. I am from a modest background, at best. I get people to talk about their feelings, and you...you make people feel the kind of feelings they would come and talk to me about. We don’t have anything in common. I don’t know if you are thinking this through. Even if I was willing, and I’m not saying I am or am not, I think I would get on your nerves.”

“I think, actually, that someone like you could help me with that part too. I do not know how to be different than I am. I was mentored into this leadership style. I sense that you could assist me.”

She regarded him with a careful eye that was trained to assess people.

She sensed his desperation and his sincerity.

She doubted he even understood how crazy this request sounded.

She also was floored by the magnitude of what he was offering to her organization and didn’t want to offend him.

She decided to tread carefully.

“Kylo...I appreciate the predicament you are in. And, I also honor the generosity you are offering for Scavenged Hope. May I consider what you have said?”

“Of course.”

“Is there some sort of timeline you are on?”

“The next board meeting is in four weeks. I would need to know in a week so I have time to consider what other options I have if you say no.”

She nodded.

“Also, I would need to ask that you keep it between us. I cannot risk that information about a sham marriage be out there. If we do this I would need the ultimate discretion.”

“Of course. May I ask that I can at least consult with Rose? She is my administrator and confidante. I need someone to process your request with. And, she is used to keeping her client information private.”

He frowned, but said, “That is fine, but I need you to ask her to keep it confidential.”

She nodded again, then smiled. “Ummm...Kylo...your meal is getting cold.”

He shook his head as if snapping out of a trance and turned his attention to his food. He took a bite and then paused.

“Rey...thank you for not laughing at this. I appreciate your professionalism.”

She looked at him and smiled gently this time after swallowing a truffle fry. “I would never laugh about something like this, Kylo.”

“Maybe that is why I asked you.”


	4. Say What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo tells Maz, Rey tells Rose...

He got her cell number to contact her before she left the office. Maz watched her walk out before going to his office and pelting him with questions.

“So...how did it go?”

“It went well. I proposed.”

She slammed the door and turned back to him. “You what?” she shrieked in disbelief.

“Well, this isn’t an actual potential relationship. I need a partner for this, she needs a partner for her organization...I suggested that we could help each other out.”

Maz just shook her head. “Kylo...you are bribing that girl? Why didn’t you just ask her out?”

“Maz...you know why I’m not asking her out. I don’t want or need that. I need someone that is willing to step into my world a bit to check the box of this requirement and help my image. She needs support for her center. This is a win-win proposal, not a bribe.”

She eyed him carefully, “What did she say?”

He sighed, “She said she’d think about it. I gave her a week.”

She sat down, shaking her head. “Wow...I didn’t expect this from you. You don’t mess around.”

“I am a man of action, Maz.”

"So you say..."

She did that thing where she looked him in the eyes for longer than was socially comfortable. He hated when she did that. He felt like she could look in his mind and read everything there.

“You like her.”

“Maz...this is a business agreement. This does not involve any personal feelings for Miss Johnson.”

She raised an eyebrow, then sighed. “Yes, Mr. Ren. If you say so.”

_________________________

Rey jumped out of the car that dropped her back by the center and ran inside. She didn’t think she would find Rose there since it wasn’t her office day, but she was still there. As soon as she heard the door, she ran into the big room.

“Rey...I couldn’t leave without knowing what happened! How did it go?”

Rey walked to her office, trying to figure out how to explain what just happened to her.

“Sheesh, Rey. I hope he said yes. I don’t know how you are living like this!” Rose said after looking around at her office/bedroom. “Where are you even showering?”

Rey just sat down at her desk and ignored her, still trying to gather her thoughts.

“So?”

“So what, Rose?”

She rolled her eyes. “Rey...the appointment. Is he going to support us?”

She lifted her eyes to her friend. “Rose, you better sit down.”

Rose groaned. “Oh, Rey-Rey, I am so sorry. I had high hopes for this. We will figure something out...we will.”

“Rose... sit down.”

Finally, she sat, her dark hair fluffing up in her sudden descent.

“OK...Rose, I am about to confide in you something that I must ask that you keep confidential. You cannot even tell Finn. Can you do that?”

“Now you are scaring me, girl. Of course, you know I will keep your confidence. What’s up.”

Rey took a deep breath. “So, Mr. Ren has agreed to fully fund us for three years….”

Rose shot up out of her chair squealing, then jumped up and down. “Rey! That is amazing! Wow. You really got me! You came in here all serious, and I thought he said no…”

“Rose…”

“...but you were just messing with me! Three years! Wow...just wow!”

“ROSE!”

She caught her attention. “What? Why are you yelling at me?”

“Rose, there is more. Please sit down.”

She did sit, then her she considered Rey's disposition. “Why aren’t you more excited about this?”

“So, Mr. Ren did make this generous offer, but it was in the form of a business arrangement.”

“An arrangement? What do you mean arrangement?”

“Yes...he asked something of me in return.”

Rose tilted her head to the side and her eyes narrowed. “What could he possibly want from you?”

Rey’s break came out in a hiss before spurting out, “He wants me to marry him.”

She shot up again. “WHAT?!?! Rey, what the heck...you cannot be serious? Who does that after one lunch? What kind of creep...I mean, I thought he was handsome, but maybe too much so? Sometimes that happens, like they are too good to be true. Maybe it was….”

“Rose, he didn’t propose because he likes me or wants me. Please just stop talking and let me explain. SIT DOWN!”

She sat again with a little pout. “Fine...but you better explain quickly. Why...why would he do that?”

“Ok...I am going to explain it all to you, but I must reiterate, you cannot tell anyone. Please...he almost wanted you to sign a contract.”

“Rey...I deal with highly confidential financial information on a regular basis. I understand...just please tell me.”

She leaned back in her chair and raised her eyes to the ceiling. “He is the CEO of First Order Corporation. He has to answer to the board in their by-laws, and apparently, there are some clauses in there about being able to speak into his personal life and public image. That image you told me about is...true, apparently. I haven’t seen that side of him, but the board has been receiving complaints. They are demanding that he marry and soften his image.”

Rose’s eyebrows raise. “Wow...that’s crazy.”

“Yes...I can’t imagine having to go along with that. Anyhow, he needs a wife, and soon, to keep his position, and I need funding. He offered his support in exchange for me acting as his wife for three years.”

“Huh...so when you say ‘acting like his wife,’ you don’t mean…”

“Rose Elizabeth Storm! How dare you suggest such a thing! He didn’t give me all the details, but he made it clear he is looking for a business arrangement and not anything personal. I think it means making some public appearances.”

“You would have to live with him.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah...I mean, you couldn’t be the wife of a successful CEO and be living in your roach-infested, no-shower office at your non-profit.”

“We...we didn’t really discuss all of that. I guess I need to ask him for more details.”

Just then, she got a text from him.

B: I realized that there are details that I should have mentioned as you consider my offer. Would you be able to meet me this afternoon at my apartment? 4 pm? If she is available, you can bring your friend to make you more comfortable.

She turned her phone to Rose. “Well...that's a little creepy. It’s like he can read my mind.”

Rose read it, moving her mouth to form the words as her eyes moved across the text.

“OK...first of all, I need to know if you are even seriously considering this?”

Rey turned her chair to look out the window. She saw kids at the school across the street out on the playground for recess. Some of the children that she worked with were out there. She was running out of options to get funding, and she couldn’t let them down.

Softly she said, “How could I not? If something doesn’t change, we will have to close...and then what will happen to them?”

She heard Rose leave the room, her footsteps heading to her office. She opened and closed drawers, and then her footsteps indicated her return.

“Ok, Rey. If you are going to consider this, we need to make a list of questions to ask him. First, text him back that we will be there, then let’s get on the list.”

Nodding, Rey was grateful for her practical friend. She texted back that they would come, and he said he would send Mitaka. Rose started asking her questions and taking notes, and they kept that up for two hours until they heard the bells on the door at 3:40, announcing Mitaka’s arrival.


	5. Central Park West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls go to Kylo's apartment...more details on the arrangement!
> 
> Y'all...this fic already had more subscriptions and almost half of the kudos of Breaking Point, and we are only 1/4 of the way in! You are awesome...thank you for reading and for your support! I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to share this with someone you think might enjoy it!

Mitaka pulled up to a towering building labeled, “91 Central Park West.” Rey and Rose just looked at each other as the driver escorted them to the doorman and walked them to the elevator. The lobby and outside oozed of old money. Rey swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably. She felt totally out of her element. 

The elevator operator dropped them on the top floor. When they looked around, they noticed that there was only a small lobby with one door. 

“Well, here goes nothing,” Rey said as she rang the doorbell.

Soon after, they heard the door unlocking and there stood Kylo, somewhat more casual in a grey untucked button-down shirt and snug black jeans. 

“Rey, Mrs. Storm...welcome. Please come in.”

Rey tried not to let her mouth hang open. The apartment was huge. It was different than Rey thought it would be. She expected a similar color scheme to his office and wardrobe. She was pleasantly surprised at the rich brown moldings and beams, and the mostly neutral palette. There were touches of black mixed in with tan, brown, cream and a mossy green.

“Wowza!” Rose whispered to her.

He motioned for them to have a seat at the dining room table. It was a large and masculine table that seats 10. It appeared to be made from the same wood as the beams in the ceiling.

Rey cleared her throat. “Kylo...your home is lovely.”

He looked around with a strange look on his face. “Thank you. It has been in my family for a long time.”

He offered them something to drink, then sat with them at the table.

He started, “After I got back to my office, I realized that I needed to clarify a few things so you understood what you would be agreeing to. Thank you for coming with Rey, Mrs. Storm.”

A big smile broke out over her face. “Please, call me Rose. Yes, I have some questions, Mr. Ren.”

“It’s Kylo. And, let me share what I thought about, and then we can see if you still have questions.”

They nodded in agreement.

“First, I realized that we didn’t discuss living arrangements. For this to work, Rey would need to live here with me. I have two wings in this apartment. Mine is on the west side, and the east side has my guest rooms. It has an equally lovely view of Central Park.”

She immediately protested. “Kylo...I couldn’t. Your home is lovely, but I can’t afford to pay rent, and it is so far from Sca…”

His voice was gentle but firm. “Please, Rey, let me finish. For the time we are married, I would be covering all living expenses. That means the residence, food, clothing, etc. To anyone on the outside, we need to act like a married couple. No one will believe we are married if you don’t live here and in a lifestyle that my wife would.”

Rey glanced at Rose who gave her a smug, I-told-you-so look.

“In addition to the bedroom, there are two other rooms on that side of the apartment you could use. If you would like an office, or an art studio...just let me know and I can have them set up. As for the distance, again, it would be expected that my wife would be using the driver service. They can drive you wherever you need to go.”

Rey didn’t know what to say, so she just gave a tight nod.

“In addition, I would need Rey to make some public event appearances as my spouse. This wouldn’t be more than once or twice a month. They are usually work-related events or dinners with clients. I don’t entertain in my home, so this space would be a safe place, so to speak. Because of the kind of events they would be, I would be purchasing whatever special clothing would be needed for these. Most often that would be cocktail attire, but occasionally it might be a formal event. I have someone at Bergdorf’s that can work with you on all of your clothing needs. Also, I envision more informal lunches and dinners, or other outings with just the two of us, are needed periodically to keep up appearances.”

“My lawyer will require that you sign a standard prenup. No one outside of me, you, Maz and Rose will know about the marriage deal and these other items I am mentioning here.”

Rose interrupted. “Mr. R...I mean, Kylo. May I request that we include my husband in the circle of trust also? For three years, that will be difficult to keep from him. Also, he is quite protective of Rey and very perceptive. If he senses something is off, which he will, that will be problematic.”

Kylo did that twitchy thing with his mouth again. “Very well...but that is it. I will need you and your husband to sign a non-disclosure agreement.”

Rose nodded, “We can do that.”

“Those are the details I thought about...do you still have questions?”

Rose took out the journal with their notes. “Um...yes, Rey? Is it OK if I ask?”

Rey, who seemingly had lost her voice, nodded for her friend to proceed.

“So, if Rey agrees, how quickly do you want the wedding to take place?”

“The sooner, the better. Within the month, but next week would be ideal.”

“And what kind of wedding would this be?”

He looked around. “Probably just at the courthouse.”

“And would there be a honeymoon?”

Again, with the mouth. “I hadn’t really considered that, Rose.”

“Sure...but won’t it look strange if you get married and you don’t? Is that believable?”

“I suppose not. I will need to think about that and get back to you.”

Rose check off another box. “And, what kind of affection would be expected in public?”

He actually flushed a bit on that one. “Mrs…..Rose, perhaps as a married woman, you could speak into what kind of displays of affection are appropriate for a married couple in public? I am afraid this topic is beyond my expertise.”

Rose smiled. “Affection and what you do in public depends on the couple, but at a minimum, holding hands, an arm around her shoulders...perhaps a kiss or two in the right environment?”

“Rose!” Rey hissed at her. Rose just gave her a look of feigned innocence. 

“What, Rey...he asked. You have to actually make people believe you are married. Oh, also, if there is dancing at these events, you are going to have to teach her that too. She has two left feet.”

Rey rolled her eyes and muttered something about wondering why she brought her.

Rose continued, “Ok...and what about family? That is a harder sell. Are there any family events she would need to attend?”

“No!” he spat out. Then, seemed to take a step back and said curtly, “I am not close to my family and don’t see them. That is not a concern.”

“Ok. And lastly, what happens after three years?”

Kylo looked at Rey and then looked down. “After three years, Rey is free to go. I am still willing to support the organization, and I will pay for all legal fees to dissolve the marriage.”

Rey finally seemed to come to. “Well, Kylo...thank you for indulging Rose with her...inquisition.”

“Of course. If there are other questions, please feel free to call or text me. Now, would you like to see the East wing?”

Rey didn’t even have time to respond before Rose was yanking on her hand and pulling her up, “Yes! We totally want to see the East wing!”

Kylo led them across the hardwood floors and plush rugs of the large living room to a hallway. On one side were three doors, with one on the left. First, he showed the side with all the doors. Two empty rooms had a guest bathroom between them.

Finally, he opened the door to the left. Rey’s breath hitched as she looked in the room. A large canopy bed in a dark wood and light filmy curtains tied back dominated the middle of the room. The color scheme was dark wood with cream and tan tones, accented by what Rey could only describe as Tiffany blue. On the far side, there was a sitting area with chairs and a loveseat surrounding a fireplace. Directly in front of the foot of the bed were a wall of windows and french doors that led out to a terrace, with a view of Central Park nestled just behind it. 

“The bathroom is this way…”

He led them into a bathroom that was almost as large as the main room at the community center. Creamy marble covered the countertops and floor. A large sunken tub sat in the middle of the room. A two-person walk-in shower stood to one side. Behind her was another door. 

“And, this is the closest…”

Again, Rey’s breath caught. The closet was full of built-ins. In the middle was a settee, and a large full-length mirror stood near the door. It was huge.

“I...I don’t know what to say. You can’t possibly mean for me to live here.”

Kylo frowned. “Do you not like something? You can re-decorate if you would wish.”

She tried to respond, but her mouth just kept popping open with no sound coming out. 

Rose grabbed her arm and said, “Kylo...would you give Rey and I a moment?”

“Of course,” he said before he swept out of the closet and out of the room.”

“Hey...Rey-Rey...breathe...I need you to take a breath,” she said as she pushed Rey down to sit on the settee before joining her.

She did, and after a few times filling her lungs, she turned to her friend. “How can I do this? The little girl that carried her belongings in a grocery bag from placement to placement is having a very difficult time processing all of this,” she said as she waved her hand around.

Rose rubbed her back. “I know...I know, hun. It’s a lot to take in. But...listen, I don’t want to tell you what to do, but it seems like this situation would tick off a few boxes. He is willing to support Scavenged Hope indefinitely. And, no offense girl, but you are technically homeless right now...and without a shower. How are you doing that again, by the way?"

She snorted. "Rose...the YMCA is two blocks away...I manage. I don't smell, do I?"

She teasingly wrinkled her nose and continued. "A swanky wing at a Central Park West address would keep you away from the roaches.”

Rey winced at that. “True…”

Rose looked up at her. “What do you think?”

“Well...I have prayed for resources, and this certainly does that. But...I don’t know...it seems a bit crazy. Does it seem crazy to you?”

Rose shrugged her shoulders. “You know I thought so at first, especially before I talked to him. But, I think he is a good guy and he’s sincere. And, as your friend, it would do my heart good to know you are safe and being taken care of." She reached up and lovingly brushed the hair away that fell on Rey's forehead. "You have had to fight to survive your whole life. It might not be a bad thing to take a 3-year hiatus from that.”

“It would be nice to live in a safe place...but I would get spoiled. How would I ever leave this?”

Rose shrugged. “It would work out, Rey...it would work out.

___________________________

After they came out from the room, Kylo told them he wanted to show them the tower lounge.

“This is actually what made my grandfather buy this place,” he explained as he led them up a spiral staircase.

At the top, they came out into a room with stunning 360-degree views of the city.

“Wow...wow,” the two girls said at the same time.

He smiled...a small one, but a smile nonetheless. It was wonderful and it softened his face.

“I used to run up here as a child...all the time. To hide, to dream, to play...it was my happy place. My parents argued a lot, and I often came here to my grandparents’ home to escape.” He slightly shook his head, like he was shaking off the memories. “Of course, you may use this room, and the living spaces downstairs as well.”

Rey considered the man carefully as she chewed her lip. The more time she spent with him, the more convinced she was that there was an ocean of hurt lurking beneath the surface. She was sure that this is what bled out into the behavior that had him in this predicament, and why he refused to date. And...she thought with her professional training, she could help. Not just agree to marry him, but maybe help him through some of that pain as well.

She looked at her friend's smiling face, then turned to Kylo and said, “Ok...I will do it.”


	6. Big Mistake...HUGE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends, I love all my chapters, like my sweet babies, but some just give you a bit more feels because they connect with a part of you. I adore fashion, and Pretty Woman is one of my favorite movies from my teen years. I saw it 5 times in the theater, which was a lot for a poor starving college girl...and this chapter is an ode to that.
> 
> In my imagination, Sabine, who you will meet in this chapter, looks like Carmen Dell’Orefice, the gorgeous 87-year-old supermodel. She is stunning. If you have never seen her, check out her FB page at https://www.facebook.com/Carmen.Dell.Orefice/ and a video of her at https://www.facebook.com/Carmen.Dell.Orefice/videos/1617689818271531/
> 
> Beauty comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors...and ages! Embrace you, my love! You are fearfully and wonderfully made...and beautiful to boot

After considering all the angles, Kylo decided to arrange for a small ceremony with a judge on the large terrace at the apartment instead of at the courthouse. There would be fewer eyes on them there. Only the judge and photographer would have to be “sold” on the relationship. with Maz, Rose, and Finn being the only other ones in attendance.

On Friday, Maz called Rey and had her come into the office. They had decided to do the wedding the following Wednesday.

Rey breezed into the office. “Hello, Maz!” She called out and hugged the smaller woman.

Maz hugged her back and motioned for her to follow her into Kylo’s office. She shut the door behind them and explained, “Kylo is out at meetings the rest of the afternoon, but he asked me to connect with you with some details.”

Rey sat next to the tiny woman on the couch who was holding an elegant black leather folding file.

“Consider this your orientation and onboarding to Kylo’s life.” She reached down into the file and started pulling out items.

“First, this is the key to the apartment. The next time you are over there, you will want to check in at the front desk. They will take a picture of you to load into the security system. They will also make you a building ID card you will need to access Kylo's floor with elevator. You can put that ID in this little wallet.”

She handed Rey a soft tiny wallet that had a key ring attached to the side with a heavy key on it. She looked at the symbol on it, assuming it was a designer, but she had no idea who it was.

“Next,” she handed Rey a black credit card with her name printed on it, “this is your credit card. Kylo wants you to go see Sabine at Bergdorf’s to shop for a wedding dress and other items. She is expecting you this afternoon. Also, this is for you to use for all expenses, be it clothing, food, toiletries, salon visits, etc. This is personal, not an expense account, so you don’t need to keep receipts, but it might not be a bad idea in case you need to return anything. There is no limit on that card.”

Rey was stunned. “But, Maz...he doesn’t even know me? Why is he entrusting me with these things?”

Maz patted her hand. “My sweet girl, the eyes don’t lie. You are trustworthy, and Kylo knows that.”

She continued, “OK...here is the security code for the apartment alarm…”

“And the housekeeper’s schedule…”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Housekeeper? I thought he was worried about appearances? Won’t the housekeeper realize we are living in two different wings?”

Maz snorted. “First of all, Margarita knows Kylo, so she wouldn’t blame you one bit for taking your own rooms. Secondly, it is not uncommon for the wealthy to keep separate rooms. It will be fine. Besides, she is legally bound by a non-disclosure agreement from discussing her employer with anyone.”

“OK...here is the grocery website where he orders his food. He said you can go online by Saturday nights to add to the order, and the food will get delivered on Sunday morning.”

“And last, for now, here is the phone number for the car service. He left explicit instructions that he wants you to use this now. He wants you to start moving your items over as soon as possible--today even. Mitaka can assist you with the boxes, but if you have a lot, he can arrange for movers.”

Rey stared at the papers and the items in her lap in disbelief. “I can’t believe I am doing this.”

Maz put her hand on Rey’s arm. “Rey...I have known Kylo for a long time, even before he was Kylo Ren. I know this situation is unconventional, but I can’t help but think you may be the best thing to happen to him in a long time. There are reasons why he is the way he is. I think you might be the one to peel back the layers of the onion. If you have any questions, or you need someone to vent to, please consider me a friend.”

___________________________________

Mitaka and Rey made quick work of her belongings and were able to get everything to Kylo’s apartment in two trips. She even had the driver check all the boxes carefully, lest some roach stowaways tried to make the trip.

She had called and made an appointment with Sabine, and looking at her watch she realized that was only an hour away. Mitaka didn’t have any other appointments, so he told her he would wait for her in the lobby while she got cleaned up.

Rey walked into the closet and had to laugh at the pitifully small amount of space her clothing and shoes took up.

She headed to the bathroom and looked at the tub longingly, promising herself that she would take full advantage of it that night. She disrobed and nervously stepped into the pristine shower, wondering not for the first time if her using this lovely room and bathroom would mess them up.

She dressed quickly in her green silk blouse and a pair of dark skinny jeans with some black flats, then ran to meet Mitaka. She was a wee bit excited--she had never been to Bergdorf’s and wondered what it would be like.

__________________________

She walked into the store and felt instantly shabby. Beautiful people milled about, both employees and shoppers. She held her scuffed brown hobo bag to her torso as if it could provide emotional support to her.

“Excuse me…” she called to a sales lady behind the perfume counter. The pungent scent of all the aromas mixed together threatened to beckon a sneeze from her.

The woman raised up and just glared at her. She gave her what Rey could only describe as a stink eye and didn’t say a word.

“C-c-could you tell me where I can find Sabine?”

Now the other woman rolled her eyes. “Women’s wear on the 2nd floor. But you shouldn't bother her at work. She is very busy as a personal shopper to our very BEST customers,” the woman hissed at her.

Rey drew back as if she was slapped. She hung her head and turned to find the escalator. What had she done to invite that reaction?

She made her way to women’s wear and found the central counter. Again, she asked someone for Sabine, and while this woman was not as rude, she still looked at Rey like she didn’t belong there. And, the truth was, Rey knew she didn’t. She couldn’t wait until this experience was over.

“Miss Johnson?” a soft voice called out to her. “I am Sabine.”

Rey turned and saw the most stunningly beautiful older woman she had ever seen. She had glorious grey hair in a flowing longer bob, flawless skin and piercing blue eyes. And, she was smiling at Rey like she was someone important. She clung to the woman’s hand like it was a lifeline.

“Sabine, it is so nice to meet you. Please...call me Rey.”

She smiled at her genuinely. “Very well, Rey. I hear from Mr. Ren that we are to do some shopping today?”

Rey just nodded.

The other woman went on, “He sent me a list of things you are to get. We are going to help you with all of that.”

She guided her back to a beautiful room...a dressing room, she realized, though unlike one she had ever seen. Sabine invited her to sit on the padded loveseat.

“So...I like to get to know my clients so I can make suggestions that are personalized to them. I know you are engaged to Mr. Ren, and that is all. Would you tell me about yourself?”

Rey haltingly started telling her about Scavenged Hope and her work there, then making up a story about meeting Kylo through a donor request. OK...maybe it wasn’t all made up--she just added some time and romance to the tale.

Sabine’s eyes softened. “Rey, what a wonderful thing you are doing. I admire your commitment to the children you work with. I can’t imagine what a hard life they have had. You must be such a blessing to them.”

Rey shrugged, still a bit uncomfortable, but she was really starting to like Sabine.

“Now, my dear. Can you tell me a bit about your personal style? Also, what size you wear for clothing and shoes? We will also work on some lingerie, so your bra and panty size will help as well.”

Rey gulped...she really hoped the details of what she got today didn’t show up on the bill Kylo got.

“Uhhh...honestly, Sabine, my clothing is either picked out by friends and gifted to me or is something I picked up from the thrift store. Non-profit work isn’t very...profitable. I couldn't really say what my style is...or correct sizes, for that matter, either.”

Sabine reached over and clasped Rey’s hands in hers. “I think I know where to go for you...do you trust me?" She waited for Rey to nod, then continued, "And, I can have someone from lingerie come up and measure you. We will take care of you, Rey.”

Rey just nodded, still in awe of the beautiful, kind woman.

Sabine got up and called out to a few of the other girls in the department. Rey could hear her talking, but not what she said. She checked her phone and chewed her nails while she waited. About twenty minutes later, she and the other girls came into the room, their arms were laden with clothing and bags carrying shoes.

“Ok, Rey...are you ready to play dress-up?”

Rey giggled and nodded. She noticed as she looked at the racks on the walls that there were a handful of white dresses, probably for the wedding, and other fancier looking dresses in various shades of green, blue and purple.

Sabine cocked her head and surveyed her. “OK...let’s start with the other items, then save the dresses for the wedding for last. The girls will be back in a minute with some other items. May I help you get into one of these?”

Rey had never had someone assist her with trying on clothes. Sabine was quick and professional, talking to her and asking questions the whole time. She forgot she was standing in her underwear in front of the woman.

She tried on all of the cocktail dresses. They found three that they agreed were Rey’s style. They were all softer, feminine styles with interesting detailing.

There were five options for the wedding dress. The first two they eliminated without trying them on. The third one Rey tried and they eliminated. The fourth one she was eager to try. It was made of a soft embroidered lace with nude colored fabric underneath. It was a style that was slightly off the shoulder in a wide boat-neck style that cut right across the curve of her shoulder and had three-quarter length sleeves. The rest of the dress fit close to her body before ending at her knee.

“Oh, Rey...this is lovely on you. I think some nude sandals would compliment it nicely. What do you think?”

She couldn’t stop looking at herself in the mirror. She had never felt so pretty. The dress fit her like a glove and was so elegant. She ran her hands down her torso and her eyes filled with tears.

“I am sorry, Sabine. I...I have never worn something so fine. It’s gorgeous!”

The woman cupped her cheek and said, “It is just reflecting the beauty of its wearer, dear.”

She swallowed hard. “Sabine, thank you for being so nice to me. I...I know I don’t belong here, and your kindness is appreciated.”

Sabine cocked her head sideways again and narrowed her gaze. “Who told you that you don’t belong here, Rey?”

“I...I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I had to ask a few people how to find you, and some of them weren’t so nice.”

Sabine’s tone was firm, "Who, Rey?”

“Well...the others weren’t so bad, but that woman in perfume…”

A knowing look came over Sabine’s face. She didn’t say anything else. The lady from lingerie came up and measured her for her bra size. Rey tried hard to be cool about that, but it was awkward. After she left, Sabine’s assistants brought in lingerie for Rey to try, and shoes. They also brought some casual wear for her and some soft new pajamas. Rey was completely overwhelmed and protested.

Sabine just brushed her off. “I listen to Mr. Ren, Rey. He is a very good client of mine. I am sorry, but I am going to have to overrule you here.”

Some accessories were added as well. In the end, Sabine turned to one of her assistants and said, “Grace--would you mind calling down to fragrance and reminding Alésandra that we need her to bring up the cologne Mr. Ren requested? His usual...Dior Homme? Miss Johnson can take it to him with her purchases.” The girl nodded and headed out to call.

Rey was in an exquisite emerald green silk sundress that skimmed her body before flaring out gently around her knees. Sabine had paired it with a pair of strappy camel colored wedges and had brought a delicate metallic gold sweater she could wear over it. She was standing on the little platform in the room admiring herself. This was her last item to try on, and the sales girls were putting her other items in garment and shopping bags when a knock came at the door.

When it opened, the girl who had been so rude to Rey downstairs walked in with a small shopping bag. Her jaw dropped when she saw Rey.

Sabine quickly went over to her, “Ahhh…Alésandra. Thank you for bringing this for Mr. Ren. Allow me to introduce his fiance, Miss Rey Johnson.”

The other girl's eyes widened as Kylo’s name was mentioned. She took in the items Rey was purchasing and what she was currently in. “Ah...hello, Miss Johnson. Nice to meet you.”

“Isn’t she lovely, Alé? Mr. Ren surprised his love with a shopping spree. We will be seeing her around a lot, I suppose, as there are events I will be assisting her with. Since you are on the bottom floor, I wanted you to meet her so you know who she is next time she comes in.” Sabine’s voice stayed sweet and she was smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Of course...thank you, Sabine. It will be a pleasure to help you, Miss Johnson.”

Rey nodded at her and offered a half smile with a mumbled goodbye before the girl scurried out of the room.

Sabine turned to her, the genuine smile back now. “Rey...I have been in this business for a long time. Kindness and sincerity have served me well. Sometimes the younger girls need a lesson about what is important for their own good. It shouldn’t matter if you are engaged to a wealthy man or not to receive excellent customer service. Hopefully, this experience will help her not to judge someone so quickly next time, and endeavor to treat everyone with respect.”

Rey giggled. “I never want to shame anyone, but I fear in her case you are right. She was a bit flummoxed when she came in!”

The women laughed together. Sabine decided she should wear that outfit home. She added a multi-strand gold necklace with different shades of green and amber gemstones. She looked up at Rey. “You are lovely, dear. And, I don’t think you need much makeup, but if you would like I can have my dear friend downstairs help you with a look that is natural and would work for everything except a very formal event. Would you like that?”

Rey nodded, feeling gratitude in her heart for this beautiful woman who had shown her such kindness that day. Sabine told her that her purchases would get delivered to the apartment in by 6:00. That gave her enough time for the makeup lesson and to get home before their arrival.

She had never had so much fun shopping.


	7. Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first date...sort of... :)

By the time Rey got home, it was 5:30. 

When she opened the door and entered the apartment, she was surprised to find Kylo in the living room.

“Oh...hi there. I wasn’t sure what time you get home from work.”

He turned from the book he was reading to greet her. “Wow...Rey, you look nice.” He looked at her hands, though, and seeing they were empty said, “But...you were supposed to get more.”

She came to the room and sat in the chair next to where he sat on the couch and smiled. “No...there is more coming. The store is delivering it. But, Kylo...I fear Sabine overdid it. It is too much.”

His eyes looked over her face and his expression stayed emotionless. “I doubt that...I gave her explicit instructions about all you were supposed to get. Rey, I want you to be yourself, but there is a level of appearance that is expected in my circles. I knew that Sabine could help you meet that but still be you at the same time. The first formal event we have is in a month...the Met Gala. She is going to work with Maz to connect you with a designer on that.”

“Oh...that isn’t necessary. I’m sure the store has….”

He interrupted her. “The Met Gala isn’t the kind of event you wear an off-the-rack dress to, Rey. You should google it. People get pretty over the top in their outfits.”

Rey felt so out of her element, but she wanted to do her part to hold up her end of the agreement. “Oh...sure...I will do that.”

His lips pressed into what she assumed was an attempt at a smile. “What time does the delivery come?”

“Uhh...they said by 6:00?”

“Good. I thought we could go to dinner afterward. We need to start to make appearances in public as a couple, and you can show off your new dress.”

She started to answer him but heard the doorbell ring. Kylo got up to get it and was greeted by three doormen that started filling in with her purchases. He directed them to her closet. 

By the time she went down the hall to her room, she saw that her closet was filling up. She started taking the more casual clothing out of the bags and arranged them on the rods, but left the dressier items in the garment bags. There were 10 pairs of shoes she started putting on the shelves. She turned and noticed that Kylo was still there, leaning against the door jam of the closet watching her.

“Did you want to see what I got? Make sure it’s ok?”

Again, his face stayed even. Did this man ever show emotion? “No….that’s OK. I trust you and Sabine. I’m sure whatever you picked will be fine.”

The doormen came in with the last load, and then Kylo walked them out.

She finished the shoes she was putting away and then met him back out in the living room.

He came and stood in front of her. “I thought we could practice looking like a couple tonight.”

She raised an eyebrow and asked, “And by saying practice, you mean…”

“I mean holding hands, the arm around the shoulder...those things we talked about. In front of others, I think we need to have a level of connection, and that will take some practice.”

She held his gaze. “Sure...I think that is a good idea.”

To prove his point, he took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Is this OK?”

She looked down at their hands, startled. His hand was warmer and softer than she anticipated. It felt...nice. She wasn’t expecting that. She kept her head down and slowly nodded.

He led her to the elevator.

“Is this too weird?”

“Hmm?”

“The hand-holding...is it too weird?”

“Oh,” she looked down at their hands. “No...it’s fine.”

They waited in silence for the elevator. 

“By the way,” she said, “thank you for the clothes.”

“Thank you for doing this.” His voice sounded warmer than usual.

“So...where are we going?”

“A restaurant called Storico...it’s just down the street a few blocks.” He looked down to her wedge-sandaled feet. “Will you be OK to walk there?” 

She glanced down at her shoes. “Oh...yes. Actually, these are quite comfortable.”

His eyes traveled back up her body and met her gaze. She noticed then that the height the shoes gave her put her sight line right at his lip level--and he was smirking at her. “If you say so.”

There was something mesmerizing, being that close to that part of his face. She noticed the tiny freckles and moles that dotted his complexion. For the first time, Rey noticed how incredibly full and plush his lips were. He often had them thinned into a grimace or disapproving expression, but almost smiling as they were now freed them to their fullness. They softened his face. 

She heard the bell indicating elevator arrived and shook her head a little, clearing the wayward thoughts about his lips from her mind.

________________________________

They walked hand in hand down Central Park West. The late spring evening was unseasonably warm, and the park to her right was full of spring blooms. Living in the city wasn’t necessarily Rey’s favorite things, but she decided that living next to this glorious park was going to be very nice for the next few years.

“So, Kylo….how long have you lived here?”

“This has been my primary residence for six years. Prior to that, it belonged to my grandparents. They left it to me.”

“Oh...were you close to them?”

He was quiet for a moment as he pondered her question. “In my younger days, yes. After college, we grew apart.”

“Why is that?” she asked softly.

He hesitated and his jaw clenched. “I had a mentor my family didn’t approve of. That disagreement drove us apart.”

Rey considered him carefully. Her therapist training told her that there was much behind that statement, and someday she hoped he would unpack it all with her. But for now, for now, she changed the subject.

“So...what do you like at this Storico?”

The tension left his face. “It is Italian, but Manhattan influenced. The scallops are my favorite, but the Bucattini is excellent as well. I also like the cauliflower gratin and brussels sprouts. And for dessert, The Big Apple is what they are known for. What do you like?”

She turned and smiled at him. “All that sounds wonderful. Kylo...it is probably good for you to know something important about me. When I was younger and in the system, there were some bad people I was placed with. Among other things, I was not fed regularly. I don’t think about food the same way normal people do. I never take it for granted, and I will eat almost anything. I am happy to try whatever you like.”

His eyes turned to her face and roamed it as if they were looking for her to say what she just said wasn’t true. When she just held his gaze solemnly, his eyes turned hard.

“Aren’t there people whose job it is to ensure things like that don’t happen?” he gritted out.

She smiled at him softly. “There are, but usually those people were good actors and knew what to say and how to act to caseworkers. They can’t be in every home 24/7, so the workers do the best they can to assess...but they can never always know. And when someone is threatening a child if they tell anyone...well...”

He nodded. She sensed his anger. “We can talk about this another time. Could we just enjoy our pretend romantic evening?” she asked. When he didn’t respond, she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He turned to her with a look of wonder. “What was that for.”

Her eyes danced with mischief. “What...I’m not allowed to kiss my fiance?”

She saw realization flash over his face, and he gave a half smile. “Of course. Let’s go eat, fiance.”

___________________

After dinner, he said they had one more stop. When they exited the restaurant, he hailed a taxi, leaning in to give him their destination before helping Rey in the car. The driver turned and drove through the main thoroughfare cutting across the park before turning onto 5th Avenue.

“Where are we going?”

He looked amused at her curiosity. “You’ll see.”

The taxi pulled up to stop in front of a store. She couldn’t see what it was until Kylo turned and helped her out of the car. 

“Why are we at Tiffany’s?” She had never been to this store, but well knew of it and had secretly always wanted to come. What girl didn't want to gaze in the windows in a black dress and pearls which munching on a danish?

“If we are going to be married for three years, you are going to need a ring.”

Her chin dropped. “What? No...Kylo...we can just get a good looking faux ring. You can’t buy one from here. It’s just….it’s…”

“It’s what I would do if we were really engaged and really getting married, and therefore, that is what we need to do.” His tone indicated to her that the discussion was closed.

Her mouth just kept opening, like she wanted to say something and it just wouldn’t come out. He grabbed her hand and led her into the store. 

Rey looked around at the hushed interior. Seemingly hundreds of glass cases held all manner of glittering, precious treats. Kylo stopped to ask the doorman something, then led her across the main showroom to the back.

The room they entered was darker, and the displays in the cases were all black. The diamonds that dazzled from their inky beds were almost too much to take in. “Kylo…” she whined.

He squeezed her hand and did not respond. He turned to the gentleman behind the counter.

“May I help you, sir and madam?” Rey could tell from his accent that he was from England as well.

“Oh...you sound like home! Where are you from….” her eyes searched for his name badge, “...Alfred?”

“Madam...I am from Brighton. And you? Miss…”

“Rey...just Rey. I am from London. It is nice to hear a friendly voice,” she said with a warm smile.

“Likewise, my dear. Likewise. Now...how may I be of assistance, Mr….”

“Ren...Mr. Ren. Alfred, we are in the market for an engagement ring.”

The older man’s eyes lit up. “Splendid! May I offer you my sincerest congratulations!”

Rey flashed him a brilliant smile, then turned to look at Kylo. He had been watching her, and he responded, “Thank you, Alfred. I am indeed a lucky man. Now...I would like for Rey to pick out the ring of her dreams.”

“Of course. It is my pleasure to assist. Miss Rey...what kind of style strikes your fancy?”

She looked down in the case at the very modern looking rings below and wrinkled her nose a bit. “Do you have anything more...traditional? I less modern?”

Alfred’s eyes held a warm smile. “I think I have just the thing for you.”

He motioned for them to follow him to a case on the other side of the room. He pulled out a tray that had rings the style Rey had asked for. She looked over them and one in the middle caught her eye. It was a fairly simple style. It had a large emerald cut center stone with a small border of diamonds around the face. The band was also embedded with small diamonds all around. It was stunning.

“Ohhh...that is lovely,” she breathed.

Alfred pointed to the ring. “This one?” After she nodded, he continued. “Excellent taste, Miss Rey. This is part of our Tiffany Soleste collection. It features a halo of diamonds around the larger stone. This one has a three-karat center stone. It is lovely. May I?” he asked with his eyebrows raised, motioning to her finger.

All she could do was nod. He slipped the ring on her finger and her mouth hung open. “Wow.” was all she could say.

Kylo had an amused expression on his face as he watched her. “Alfred, what kind of bands go with this?”

“Yes, Sir. I suggest the Soleste diamond band ring.” He checked the ring on Rey’s finger. “Actually, I think this size is perfect for you. It’s a five and a half. Let me grab a band for you to try on with it.” He leaned back down to the case and pulled a tray with bands on it. He found what he was looking for and turned back to Rey.

“Now, the wedding band goes on the bottom. The tradition is that you wear the wedding band closer to your heart.” He smiled at her as he slipped off the larger ring and then situated the band down and it together back on her finger.

“I….I don’t know if I could actually wear this. It’s too much.”

Alfred spoke up, “If I may, Miss Rey. What you have chosen is what I would call a moderate ring. It is not as modest as others, but certainly not nearly as flamboyant as many. Also, if you are in a setting where you don’t feel comfortable with the larger ring, you can always just wear the band. It gives you that flexibility.”

She started to say something, but Kylo covered her hand with his and gently said, “I think it is perfect, sweetheart.”

Her eyes flew up to his at the endearment. He smiled, a crooked one that went to the side of his face, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. Oh, that did funny things to her. She looked up at him again and breathed, “OK.”

Turning back to Alfred, he said, “We’ll take them.”

“Very well, sir. And, when is the wedding?”

“Next Wednesday.”

The man’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, my, so quick!”

Kylo’s eyes never left hers. “What can I say, Alfred. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

He tore his eyes from her face and looked at the man. Alfred asked, “Sir...I don’t want to presume, but will you need a band as well?”

“Oh...uh...yes, I suppose we will.”

“Yes...just over here is a nice selection of men’s bands…” he said as he led them to another case.

Kylo selected a plain platinum band. It was wide enough to suit his large hand without being too much. Alfred started wrapping their purchases. He held out the engagement ring. “Shall I wrap this, or would you like to wear it now?”

Kylo handed him his credit card and then took the ring from his fingers. “I think she will wear it now, thank you.” He slipped it on her finger and then kissed her hand.

Rey had to do some serious damage control in her mind. She knew this was all pretend, but having this handsome man schlep her off to Tiffany’s and buy her things...then he kept kissing her...sigh. It was just too easy to fall into the fantasy of it and her stomach was doing flip-flops.

“Thank you, Kylo. It’s lovely.”

He nodded and turned to Alfred again to sign the receipt and take the bag. Rey didn’t see the specifics of the total, but it seemed like the number was awfully long. She wondered how much money of his she was responsible for spending today between the shopping spree and now this. The guilt weighed on her.

He started to call a taxi again when they were back outside. “Wait...Kylo...can we walk back? It’s not very far from here, right?”

He looked at her, considering her request. “It’s about a twenty-minute walk through the park...are you sure?”

She nodded. “It’s such a nice night...I would enjoy that.”

He held her hand in one hand and the bag in the other. As they started inside the park, one of the first landmarks they passed was the zoo.

“Oh...that is one of my favorite places! I came here the first week I lived in New York.”

“I went there a lot growing up. I haven’t been since I was a boy, though. What brought you to New York?”

“School. I attended NYU for undergrad and grad. I had always wanted to come to the states and get out of London. That was seven years ago.”

He nodded. “So you were a psychology major?”

“Yes, for undergrad. Then my master’s program was in art therapy. What about you?”

“I went to Yale for undergrad, then Wharton for my MBA. I might not have done Wharton, but my former mentor insisted.”

“Oh...what was he like.”

Rey felt his body tense up at that question. He was quiet for what felt like minutes before he spoke. “It was a complicated relationship. I don’t really like talking about him.”

Rey pulled his hand to stop him. “Kylo...I don’t want to ask you to talk about something you don’t want to. But please remember...I am a professional and a very good listener. When you are ready...if you are ever ready, I am here, OK?”

He just gave her a short, tight nod and then propelled her to continue their walk. He softly said, “You too, Rey. If you need to talk about...about what happened to you.”

Her heart thudded in her chest. She hadn’t talked to anyone but a therapist about some of the things in her past. “Um...I will keep that in mind. Thank you.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, both lost in their thoughts. 

__________________________

KYLO REN: Last night, the reclusive and hunky CEO of First Order Corporation was spotted having a romantic dinner canoodling with a lovely unknown lady. Rumor has it that they were later spotted at Tiffany’s scoping out engagement rings, then left for an evening stroll through Central Park. Could wedding bells be in Kylo Ren’s future? - New York Times, Page Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like to just make up everything in stories. It feels more real when I base it in some reality. You can actually go to the Capital Grille and Storico in the city and get the food I describe here.
> 
> Here is Rey's engagement ring: https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/rings/tiffany-soleste-emerald-cut?trackpdp=bg&origin=engagement&search_params=param+0/0/0/0/0/0/GRP10073
> 
> And wedding band: https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/womens-wedding-bands/tiffany-soleste-band-ring-GRP07064?origin=engagement&trackpdp=pp
> 
> And, if you are interested, the inspiration for Kylo's apartment. I now have NYC real estate agents calling me to talk about my potential purchase, but nothing but the best for my readers! ;) https://streeteasy.com/building/91-central-park-west-new_york/pha


	8. Acquaintance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little domestic Kylo and Rey, and more fashion... :)

The next morning she was up by 6:30. She padded to the kitchen in her crisp, new, white cotton menswear pajamas.

“Are you looking for coffee?”

She jumped, his deep voice startling her. It was early, but he was sitting at the smaller table in the kitchen, dressed and from the look of his wet locks, showered too.

“What time to you get up?” she asked, still startled.

“I get up at 5:30 and work out every day. I have a gym on my side of the apartment. You may use it if you wish.”

“Oh...that’s nice. I don’t really work out much. Sometimes I do jiu-jitsu with Finn, but that’s about it. Every day?” she asks incredulously.

“Every day. I am a creature of habit. Now...coffee?”

“No thank you, I drink tea, not coffee. You know...being English and all…”

He stood and walked to the kitchen. “I have some plain black tea, but that is all. And, no milk or creamer. Be sure to put that and whatever else you want on the grocery list by tonight.”

Inwardly, she winced a bit at having no milk for her tea, but she chided herself that should have thought about that before this morning.

“That is fine...and I will do that. Maz gave me the directions.”

She filled his tea kettle and put it on the flame. It took her a minute to figure out how to with his ridiculously large, fancy stove. It had six burners and a large grill in the middle. It felt like there were a hundred knobs on it.

“Do you cook?”

He turned from the cupboard where he was fishing out a box of tea. “No...not really. I can, but I often eat out or prepare something simple. I make a mean omelet, though. Are you interested?” he grinned.

She smiled back. “Remember...I am easy to please when it comes to food.”

He laughed, just a tiny little sound, but Rey thought how nice it was. She got the feeling he didn’t do it very often.

“So...what do you do for fun, Kylo?” she asked as he prepared to make the omelets.

“I work,” he said simply.

“All the time?” she asked in disbelief.

“Well, often enough. I enjoy reading. I also have some social events I need to be at frequently. It is part of helming a large company in NYC and being part of society. I also go to Krav Maga classes on Monday nights. I am an E-3 black belt in that.”

“Oh...wow. Isn’t that the martial arts practiced by Israeli soldiers?”

He nodded. “I was mugged in college...that is what got me into it as self-defense. But, I also struggled with anger that manifested in aggression. It gave me an outlet for that, but also worked to strengthen my mental fortitude and has helped me to control my anger impulses.”

She looked at him. He always seemed quiet and in control. She also couldn’t help but appreciate his massive physique and she wondered if this practice was responsible for all of that. Well, she thought...you can’t argue with those kinds of results.

“If you are busy...I mean...you don’t need to make me breakfast.”

He stopped what he was doing, but kept his head down. “It’s actually nice to have someone to do this for. I don’t mind, and I wasn’t working yet today.”

“OK,” she called out softly as she walked to the stove to fetch the whistling teapot. She thought about what he had shared as she bobbed the teabag in her cup.

“For me, painting has been something similar. An outlet, I mean. Art is what gives me a place to release the emotions that can get toxic when I keep them inside. I always feel at peace when I paint.”

“Is that why you went into art therapy?”

“Yeah...I knew what it had been for me, but then to learn that it could be incorporated with therapy...I just knew that was what I was meant to do.”

He turned to her. “Do you believe in that? Fate, I mean?”

She nodded. “I suppose I do. I think that we are purposed for something, and even hard things can be turned around and used for good.”

“That sounds very…”

“Naive? Blindly optimistic?” she asked with a snort.

His eyes flew up to hers. “I was going to say hopeful.”

She smiled at him, and her voice softened. “It is. Sometimes, hope is all you have.”  
_______________________

Maz called her and asked if she could meet with the designer on Monday at 1:00. Her students were on spring break for the next week and the center was closed, so she told Maz she could meet with Dominic.

“He used to be at Marchesa, but he left after the whole Harvey Weinstein thing and didn’t want to be connected with his wife. Now he on his own by appointment only. Kylo is trying to go too if he can swing it.”

Rey enjoyed the quiet of the apartment, stretching out on the couch in the tower room while sipping her tea, now with milk and sugar after the grocery delivery the day before. She was having trouble realizing this was really her reality. Well, at least for the next three years. She glanced down at the ring on her hand, still disbelieving that had happened.

She shuddered to think about how much Kylo had spent on her already. She knew it all went towards his image rehab that was helping him, but it still felt guilty and it didn’t sit well with her.

She thought about how different he was from that image she had heard about. She had never heard him raise his voice to her, and he was much softer in his personality than she thought he would be. He was actually quite kind to her.

One week. One week ago today is when this man had waltzed into her life and shook her whole world. One week ago she was homeless. One week ago, she was losing hope.

This is the lesson that life had taught her...what made her cling to hope even when it seemed foolish. She knew that life was full of the unexpected and it could turn at any moment.

___________________________

Mitaka came for her at 12:45 to drive her to Dominic’s 5th Avenue studio. The doorman cleared her to enter and indicated for her to go up the stairs. At the top, she stepped out into a loft studio, open and airy. One side of the room held shelves with bolts of fabric and there was a sewing workstation in the corner close by. On the other side was a drafting desk with a slight, dark-haired man dressed in all black working at it furiously.

She cleared her throat. “Um...hello? Are you Dominic?” She asked.

He turned at her voice, at first with his brows furrowed in irritation before he realized who was interrupting him. “Ah...you must be Rey.” He walked over to greet her with a slight hug and kissing both cheeks in the air. She couldn’t help but giggle. He had a slight accent she couldn’t place. French? Latin? She wasn’t sure.

“I am...thank you for seeing me.”

“Ah, my dear...I should be thanking you. Your lovely face and figure will wear my design well, I am sure. Please, join me on the couch and I can show you some thoughts I have.”

She walked to the white leather couch near his desk and waited while he gathered his tablet and sketch pad. “Now, we only have a month, which isn’t much time. I am hoping we can adapt one of these designs to work.”

He turned to look at her, his piercing blue eyes assessing her. “Are you familiar with what the Met Gala is?”

She kind of shrugged. “Not before a few days ago. I did google it and saw it appears to be a big to do. Some of the gowns were lovely, and some were...uh...unique?”

“Ah...yes. I specialize more in the former than avant-garde. This year, the theme is ‘heavenly bodies.’ I would like to go with a variation of an angel theme.”

He opened his tablet and showed her a few designs. They varied from gold to white in color, and one, in particular, caught her eye. It was white and very soft. It was strapless and beaded on the bodice, fitting close down to the hips before it flowed out to a soft skirt. In the back, the skirt ballooned into a short train. But on the top, there was a raised almost collar structure that went up high to about ear height where a cape was attached. Feathers adorned the cape part around the edge and in patterns on the sheer material.

“Oooh...Dominic, that is exquisite.”

Just then they both looked up to heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Kylo appeared around the corner, dressed in all black.

“Ah...and here is the devil himself to steal away my angel” Dominic teased.

He came over to her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Sorry I’m late, love. Dominic, thank you for working with us on this.”

“It is my pleasure, Mr. Ren. We were just looking at some designs, and Rey liked this one. We are going for an angel theme. Do you approve?”

He looked at the gown in question and nodded his agreement.

“Excellent. Now, Rey. I will need to get some measurements for you. Go ahead and disrobe to your undergarments...I will be right back.”

He left a stunned Rey and Kylo sitting there. She turned to him. “Um...Kylo…”

“I can go,” he said quickly.

She shook her head and whispered, “You can’t--you just got here. If we were engaged, why would you leave? What if he talks? It’s OK...underwear is just like a bathing suit, right?” She smiled reassuringly. They could do this.

She stood up and took off her sweater. Her blouse had a lot of buttons down the front she got to work on that. The orange silk fell from her shoulders and she stood there in her new pink bra. She started to undo the designer jeans she was still breaking in, and Kylo suddenly stood, just as Dominic was returning.

“I am getting an important work call...I will just be over there,” he said quickly before running to the other side of the room near the window. She noticed that he looked a bit paler than usual as he went.

Dominic made quick work of her measurements and even had her try on another gown that had a similar bodice so he could take some notes. Just as she was buttoning up her shirt getting redressed, Kylo conveniently returned from his “call.” She wondered if there really was a call, or if he was just as uncomfortable as she was.

“Very well, Rey. I should be ready for a fitting a week from Wednesday...will that work for you?”

“Sure...would the morning be OK? I teach a class in the afternoon.”

“Of course. We are going to create something beautiful together, my dear. You are a lucky man, Mr. Ren.”

When she glanced over at him, she saw that his color looked normal again. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple. “I am indeed, Dominic...I am indeed.”

___________________________

Kylo took her to a late lunch before having Mitaka drop her back at the apartment and then he headed to the office.

When she was finally out of the car, he felt like he could breathe again. He was not prepared for how the sight of her taking off her clothes affected him. As her clothes started to fall, it felt like a vise was squeezing his chest.

Rey was a charming, beautiful woman, and he was going to have to keep his guard up. He didn’t allow his feelings to get involved. In his younger days, he had dated a carousel of women. Most of them were after something from him, whether it was his body, his pedigree, or his money. He had no interest in them. That coupled with the destructive marriage he had watched his parents forge, he knew love and marriage wasn’t for him.

The truth was, he could never remember anyone wanting Kylo for himself. His parents used him as a pawn between them, his mentor used him as an emotional punching bag, and everyone else in his life just wanted what he gave. He was sure Rey would be more of the same, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind asked, _what if she wasn’t?_

Well, no matter if was or was not, because he didn’t get involved. They were playing a part, and he would play this hand he was forced into. Rey was just a willing accomplice a play they were performing.

So he tried as hard as possible to get the sight of her in the pink bra out of his mind.


	9. Let's Get Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding prep and Rey learns more about Kylo's past.

The morning before the wedding, Kylo had told her he was taking the day off. They had some errands to run for the wedding, and he had the rest of the week off for their “honeymoon.”

“Oh...Rey...I keep forgetting to tell you that we are going to my family’s summer home in the Hamptons for our honeymoon. We will leave tomorrow right after the wedding and return Sunday. That was the best I could do on short notice, and we have to do something. Again, if people are going to believe this, I can’t just go back to work the next day. And, it worked well that you are still on spring break. ”

The Hamptons? When did the luxurious excess stop?

“We will also stop by and see Sabine again today. You will need a few more items for the trip.”

“Oh...I’m sure what I have will be fine. You don’t need to spend more money on me,” she insisted, willing herself not to sound irritated.

He set down the paper he was reading and focused his eyes on her. “Rey, I sense a recurring theme here. I assure you, the things I am asking you to do are absolutely necessary to sell our relationship. You can’t go to the Hamptons for your honeymoon with a few dresses and a pair of jeans. If you are worried about the money, you don’t need to be. These are the expenses I told you I would be covering.”

She dropped her head down, focusing on her hands in her lap. “It just feels like too much. And, no one has ever bought me things like this before, let alone very expensive things. I’m just used to taking care of myself.”

He reached over and lifted her chin so her eyes could meet his. “It seems to me that you take care of yourself and everyone else. Why don’t you let me take care of you for a while? And, I promise, the money I am spending on you isn’t even a blip on my account. If I couldn’t well afford to do it, I wouldn’t.”

She saw the truth in his face and nodded. “I’m sorry...it’s just hard for me, but I will do it. I...I don’t have a suitcase. Do you have one I could borrow?”

He chuckled. “I think we can get you your own suitcases, Rey. This won’t be the only time you will need them.”

She got ready for their ride coming at 8:30. They had to go to the courthouse to finish the paperwork for their license. Then he took her to a bakery that was making a small wedding cake to pick out flavors. Sabine had recommended a florist for a small bouquet, a flower hair piece, and a boutonniere. He told her then that a woman would come in the morning to help her with her hair and makeup for the wedding. By the time they got done with those things, he took her to lunch at a little deli near the florist before heading over to see Sabine.

The sweet woman had pulled sundresses, shoes, accessories, a few hats, and bathing suits. Kylo sat in the foyer of the dressing area while Sabine helped her try items on for him. They agreed together on a white sundress, a navy floral dress, a black Spanish-style dress, some shorts, a few off-the-shoulder peasant blouses, a modest retro green swimsuit, a navy blue tankini, some flat sandals, a cover-up and a hat. She had even had some suitcase options brought up. Rey picked a cream with camel trim Delsey set.

As she sent the items to be bagged up, she whispered to Rey that she had included something special for their honeymoon from her. “I didn’t think you had a shower or anything, and I thought you needed something special for your wedding night,” she said with a wink.

Rey blushed furiously, groaning inwardly at what it likely was.

After running around all day, Kylo decided to order dinner in. She wanted Chinese food, so he made arrangements while she put clothes away and started packing. She took the matching toiletry back to the bathroom to pack later. She used the larger of the suitcases to start loading in all the purchases, hoping she was doing an OK job and wouldn’t ruin anything. She just wasn’t used to clothes like this and was nervous she would ruin them.

She found the package wrapped from Sabine. The note attached read, “For my beautiful new friend Rey. May God bless your marriage. Love, Sabine.” Inside was a white, lacy negligee. It was lovely, and if this was a real honeymoon, she would pack it. Instead, she placed it in the back of her lingerie drawer and grabbed two of her new cami/capri PJ sets.

By the time dinner got there, she was mostly packed.

Kylo poured some white wine for himself as she got some water. “Rey...would you mind me asking why you don’t drink?”

She was used to this question. Her refusal to imbibe was often a curiosity to others.

“Well...I told you that my parents died when I was little. What I didn’t tell you is that they were alcoholics. Even before their death, I was taken from them on several occasions because of it. The night they died, my father’s blood alcohol level was four-times the legal limit. He wrapped their car around a street light, killing both of them instantly. Because of their addiction and the possibility of me being more susceptible because of genetics, I just choose not to poke the bear.”

He nodded, looking down into his glass. “Does it bother you if I do?”

She considered his question. “Honestly, as long as you aren’t overindulging, I don’t mind. There is always a prick of worry because it is the thing that my parents loved more than me. I have a complicated relationship with alcohol and what I think about it because of it.”

“That is understandable. I choose not to overindulge because that means a loss of control. I think you know me well enough by now to know that being out of control is not something I seek.”

She snorted and nudged him with her elbow. “No, not you,” she teased.

A chuckle rumbled through his throat before he took another drink. He had poured such a small amount in the glass, that it was gone. She noticed he did not refill it.

They ate dinner in the comfortable camaraderie they had been developing. They parted company for the evening around 9:00.

After Rey readied for bed and packed some of her toiletries, she settled down with a book to read till she was drowsy. It was a good book, and she was up a good deal later than she planned. At around midnight, she also discovered she was thirsty and went to the kitchen to grab a bottled water. Just as she shut the fridge door, she heard a strange sound coming from Kylo’s side of the house.

She set the bottle on the counter and walked over to the hallway to listen for it again. She heard what sounded like groans. Half a minute later, she heard it again and heard him distinctly call out, “No.”

He was having a bad dream. She had her fair share of them, and she knew that he needed to escape it as quickly as possible to keep the anxiety from building.

She walked down the hall and found that his door was slightly ajar, which must be why she heard him in the first place.

In the moonlight coming in through his window, she could see his form thrashing around on his bed. She quickly but cautiously approached him.

“Kylo,” she called out. He didn’t even flinch, so she said it again and tentatively shook his arm.

“Kylo.”

One more time, she called to him, “Kylo...it’s just a dream. Wake up.” She shook him a bit harder this time.

Suddenly he sat up, his eyes huge and haunted. He grabbed her arms with a vice-like grip.

“Kylo...it’s me, Rey. I’m here...you are safe. It was just a dream.”

It took him a minute to come to himself. When he did, he had tears rolling down his cheeks and remorse showed over his face.

“Rey...I’m so sorry. Did...did I hurt you?”

She whispered. “No...no you didn't. I am fine. I am more worried about you.”

Her training told her that this kind of a response came from trauma. She had seen signs of abuse in Kylo’s life. The extreme control he had emotionally and his choice to eschew relationships were possible clues. But this kind of response to a bad dream that was obviously tied to a traumatic memory confirmed those haunches.

She moved over to sit next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder. He leaned his head down on her shoulder and she drew her other arm around him to embrace him.

“Who hurt you?” she asked in a hushed tone.

He shook his head, like he didn’t want to say, but then very quietly said, “Snoke.”

____________________________

The sun was just starting to peek in through the curtains when Kylo came to. His first thought was of his dream, but the second thought snuck up on him quickly...he was not alone.

He looked down and saw Rey curled up in his chest, and his arms were around her. He remembered her coming in to wake him from his dream last night and then her holding him afterwards.

Why was he holding her now? They obviously fell asleep and things shifted in the night.

For a moment he panicked. This wasn’t what they agreed to. This wasn’t keeping an emotional distance.

But then he became aware of the heat of her breath fanning in spurts on his bare chest, and how warm and soft her skin felt in the places it was contacting his.

He also realized that after the dream, he had slept soundly all night. He couldn’t remember the last time that happened. He usually got very little sleep.

All of these things came together in his mind, and he decided to stick with soft, warm, and sleeping.

He closed his eyes and drifted off back to a place where he felt safe...with Rey.

_________________________

A few hours later, Rey stretched and started to stir. She was conscious of the whole back half of her body being up against something warm. Then she started to realize that some of that warmth was stealing around her waist. She opened her eyes and saw hands clasped over her stomach.

She stiffened, realizing she had fallen asleep holding him and had stayed in his room all night. A quick glance at the clock said that it was 8:00. The lady coming to help her get ready would be there in an hour.

Wait...didn’t Kylo say that he always woke up at 5:30? Why was he still sleeping? He had her caged in his embrace and she couldn’t move without waking him up.

He probably needed to wake up.

She probably needed to get up.

But...oh, to such an affection-starved girl, his embrace felt so good. It was comforting and heady all at the same time. She really didn’t want to move.

He started to fidget behind her, his arms flexing and tightening around her waist.

She felt his head lean against her neck and the exhale of his breath tickled down her back.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he whispered.

She reached down and rubbed his hands. “Kylo...it’s OK. I am glad that I was here to help.”

She turned to face him, her face in his chest and realizing that it was bare. Last night it has marginally registered that he was just wearing black silk sleeping pants, but in the morning light, his physique was on full display.

  
She gulped.

“Do you...ah...do you have dreams like that often?”

She couldn’t see his face but felt his head nod on top of hers where she was tucked under his chin.

“Have you ever...talked to someone about it? About what happened?”

He sighed. “I have done therapy. The Krav Maga helps too, but the dreams still come. That is why I don’t sleep very much.”

“I didn’t...I didn’t have any more after you came last night, though. I can’t remember the last time I slept all night.”

She tried to lighten the mood. “Well...that is what wives do, right? Bring comfort? Which, by the way, I need to get up and get ready to become.” She started to slide out the side of the bed.

He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Thank you for coming and helping me, Rey.”

She looked back and patted his hand. “You are welcome, Kylo.”


	10. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's show time people!

The doorbell rang precisely at 9:00. Ben got the door just as Rey was coming down the hall after getting dressed from her shower.

She heard a perky voice at the door. “Hi! I’m Victoria. I’m here to see Rey?”

Rey came out and met the woman, motioning for her to come back to her room.

“Wait...Rey…” Kylo called out to her.

She turned and looked at him expectantly. He just gave her a little smile and put her teacup in her hand...with perfectly made tea.

Before she could say anything, he had turned to go.

________________________

Rose came over at 10:00. The wedding would be at noon. Victoria had already worked her magic with Rey’s hair, pulling it into a low, romantic updo with tendrils escaping around her face.

Rose squealed as she saw her friend. “Wow, Rey. Your hair is so pretty!”

Rey reached up with her left hand to feel her hair. Rose’s eyes immediately flew to the ring.

“Omigosh! What is that!”

Rey shot Rose a look that made her mouth snap shut.

“Victoria, would you mind getting the comb with the flowers on it from the fridge?” she asked sweetly. As soon as the girl left the room, she turned to her friend.

“Rose!” she hissed. “You can’t say things in front of that girl! Why would my best friend not have seen my engagement ring before the wedding?”

Rose looked more subdued. “I know...I’m sorry. It’s just that the last time I saw you, you were NOT wearing that rock. Where did that come from?”

Rey smirked. “Tiffany’s.”

Rose squealed again. “No! Shut up! You got an engagement ring from Tiffany’s! It’s gorgeous! Do you get to keep it? You know...later?”

“I’m not sure...we haven’t talked about that. I told him that we could just get something fake, but he said that wouldn’t do for the sake of image.”

“Yeah...sweetheart, I don’t think this man would be satisfied with anything cheap and fake. So where is your dress?”

She led Rose to the closet, where she let out a wolf-whistle. “Wow, girl...been shopping a bit?”

She smiled and recounted the story about the snotty sales girl and how Sabine had put her in her place gracefully.

“That is fantastic! It’s like you were in Pretty Woman!!”

Rey shrugged and snorted, “Except the whole prostitute part!”

She turned the garment bag holding her wedding dress and unzipped it. “This is the dress for today.”

Rose fingered the lace carefully, “It’s lovely, Rey.” She looked around and then turned back to her. “How are you doing...you know...with all of this? Is he treating you OK?”

“Yes. Actually, he has been very kind to me. I think we are well on our way to forming a good friendship.” She didn’t say anything about the night before. That felt...private.

The girls talked for a while more once Victoria came back in. Maz came in and brought a snack at Kylo’s request, and the girls chatted until it was time to start doing her makeup. Victoria did a great job at helping it stay natural yet refined. She placed the flower comb with the white roses and jasmine on the side of her bun. She and Rose helped her into her dress, and she fastened the high-heeled bone sandals on her feet. She stood in front of the full-length mirror in the closet.

“Rey-Rey! You are gorgeous! Wait till he sees you!”

A knock on her door was Finn. He came in and whistled. “Rey...you look fantastic.”

Then his eyes sobered on her. “Peanut...are you sure about this?”

Her eyes grew soft and moist as she took in her friend and protector. He had been her first friend at NYU, and she knew he had her best interests at heart.

“I am sure...Finn. I am.”

He nodded solemnly. “Well, then. I have been sent to fetch the bride. It’s time.”

He offered her his arm and her bouquet he had been holding. He escorted her out to the terrace. She noticed that violin music was playing and Kylo stood out on the terrace with the judge and Maz.

He was wearing a black tailored suit that fit him like a glove. He had a white shirt with a black tie and a white boutonniere on his lapel that matched the flowers in her hair and in her bouquet. She had never seen him in a suit, and she bit her lip as she thought about how handsome he looked.

The judge moved them through the short ceremony. They repeated the vows, exchanged the rings, and before she knew it, he was pronouncing them as man and wife and was inviting him to kiss the bride.

They had talked initially about this, but the topic hadn’t come up since then. Rey tried to keep the alarm out of her eyes at the request. Kylo just smiled down at her. He raised his hands to cup both sides of her face and gently brought his lips to hers. It wasn’t a deep kiss, but it wasn’t just a brush either.

Somewhere in between, it burned on her lips and made her knees feel weak.

 _He sold it_ she thought.

They accepted congratulations from their friends and posed for a few pictures. They cut the cake and fed it to each other. He kissed her again then. They ate the catered lunch with their friends around the dining table, then said their goodbyes.

By 2:00, they were changed and ready to leave. Kylo put their suitcases in his trunk and pulled out of the garage and they headed out of the city. Rey was contemplative much of the two-hour drive. She glanced over at him and his left hand caught her eye where his ring flashed.

What had she done? How had she married this man, a stranger? And, what was she going to do about the flutters that tickled her stomach when she saw that ring on his finger?

_____________________________

It was late afternoon when Kylo was pulling off the Long Island Expressway. Rey had heard about this area as a playground area for the rich and famous, so she was pleasantly surprised at the quaint old-fashioned architecture of the villages we were driving through.

As soon as they turned out of town, though, the to view became the palatial estates she expected.

“How much farther is it?” she asked.

He motioned up the road. “We will turn off this main drag in about a mile. Once we do that, it’s only about five minutes. The house is on Meadow Lane.”

“What is it like?”

He looked out the window and grinned. “Well, compared to these, it is considered cozy. It’s only six bedrooms and about 7500 square feet.”

“That is small?” she choked out.

“Relatively speaking, yes. These houses are at least double that. Ours is a more traditional home here. It’s on the beach and has a pool. But it has more the feel of a family home, where many of these have been renovated from their original traditional style into something more grand and ostentatious.”

“Oh.” She gazed out the window and thought about the difference between these people with all of this money and the friends she had.

“Will we...like...socialize with anyone here?”

He shook his head. “No. I really don’t know anyone that lives here--people come here seasonally, and it’s a bit early for the high season, so it’s unlikely we will run into anyone.”

She sighed in relief louder than she meant to.

“What? Why are you sighing like that, Rey?”

“Well...I just don’t know how to relate to people like this. I don’t even know what I would have in common with them to have a conversation.”

“You talk to me.”

“True, but you are different.”

“I am...why?” he asked with amusement in his voice.

“For one, we have this elephant in the room secret that we have in common, so we connect on that. But, I sense that while the circumstances were different, we share the experience of a traumatic past.”

He was just silent after that for a minute. Then suddenly remembering something, he changed the topic.

“Rey...I meant to bring this up earlier. So, the housekeeping staff here at the house are not our employees. Because no one is here all the time, we just use an agency to staff it when we come. That means they haven’t signed an NDA, and this place is a hotbed of gossip. I am sorry, but we probably have to share a room here. You can take the bed. There is a sitting area with a couch. And, we can work out a bathroom schedule or something.”

“Oh,” she gulped. Remembering last night, she was vacillating between this being welcome and alarming news. “It’s fine...we will make it work.”

He seemed relieved. “I know that this arrangement means doing things sometimes that can make you uncomfortable. I am sorry.”

Now she was remembering that kiss at the wedding. Yikes...the car suddenly felt very stuffy.

“Really, Kylo. I know what I signed up for. It is OK. I trust you.”

Kylo kept his expression even, but he wondered if he would say that if she understood how his body had responded to waking up with her in his arms.

He hadn’t been attracted to a woman in years. And now...now these feelings were rising up for her who was legally his wife but practically a stranger. She was so different from anyone he had ever met.

He was so impressed at the ease with which she was rolling with all the new he was throwing at her. He would never have adjusted so well to someone insisting on turning his whole world upside down. He was trying to make it easier on her, but admittedly this was new territory for him...thinking about someone else.

_____________________________

Rey fell in love with the “cozy” home that belonged to Kylo and his family at first sight. It was a traditional design with weathered wood shingles and white trim. Inside, it was airy and open. The colors of the natural surroundings had been used inside, with lots of creams, tans, blues, and greens used. He showed her the back deck that looked over the ocean view. There was a roped, worn wood path that invited residents to follow it down to the beach.

Inside, he led her up the stairs to the master bedroom. The large bed faced the windows that overlooked the view. Closer to the windows was a seating area with the couch Kylo had mentioned. Beyond the windows was another smaller deck accessed by a door, and she could see some lounge and Adirondack chairs out there.

“It’s...it’s breathtaking.”

“You like it?” he asked in amusement.

“Kylo...what is not to like?”

“I took the liberty of arranging a local meal service for breakfast and lunch. They stocked the fridge with ingredients and left recipe instructions. I figured we would do that for breakfast and lunch and go out to dinner?”

“You want me to cook?” she asked nervously.

“They are willing to send a chef if we want it, but they are fairly simple. I thought between the two of us we could manage.”

“Did I warn you I have no kitchen skills?”

He shrugged. “There are step by step instructions, Rey. What could go wrong?”

She giggled. “Ask Rose...about the infamous taco incident when she had to use the fire extinguisher and almost call the fire department.”

She loved when she got him to show emotion on his face. This time, the surprise there was a new look. This poor man had no idea what he’s in for.

“Why don’t we worry about that tomorrow. I’m going to get our bags, then we can go have dinner.”

He left her in the master. She walked over to the couch and was instantly dubious that Kylo’s hulking frame would fit there. She should offer to sleep here instead, but she knew with his manners he would never allow it. She made a decision.

When he came back into the room, he took the suitcases to the walk-in closet. She followed him and started taking things out to settle them in there.

“Kylo...I looked at the couch, and there’s no way you can fit there. You will just sleep with me in the bed. It’s big, and we managed to do that last night, right?”

He looked over at her wide eyes. His mind battled between acquiescing her suggestion and refusing. But to refuse...what would he say? She was right...the couch was too small for him. And, he had already closed the door on sleeping in separate rooms. To refuse would mean disclosing why he would hesitate to sleep next to her, and she certainly couldn’t do that. So, he found himself nodding instead.

“Sure...sure...that is fine.”

He then noticed that she was putting her underthings into one of the drawers on her side. He turned away quickly. His imagination didn’t need any other material to work with. He couldn’t help the pink bra image, but he could avoid adding others.

“Um...I thought we could go to Plaza Cafe for dinner. They have excellent seafood.”

“You know that I am just along for the ride for meals, Kylo.”

“Have you had lobster before?”

She snorted. He noticed that she often did that when she started to laugh. It was endearing.

“Kylo...I have lived, literally, on a canned tuna budget. I’ve never had other kinds of seafood.”

He considered her words. “I think it might be my goal to have you try enough things that you start to decide what Rey likes, and not just whatever is suggested to you.”

“I’ve never had that luxury, Kylo.”

“Yes...but you do now.”

________________________

True to his word, he ordered multiple dishes and insisted that she try them all.

She loved the fluffy, buttery lobster.

She hated the chewy mussels.

She enjoyed the sand dabs.

He couldn’t even get her to try the raw oysters.

While she liked the cheesecake and dark chocolate mousse cake, she found that the creme brulee was her favorite.

“Ugh...I can’t believe you got me to eat all of that!” she exclaimed as they walked out.

“I find I like feeding you, Mrs. Ren.”

She stopped suddenly. “Kylo.”

He turned and looked at her with concern. “Are you OK? Are you not well, Rey?”

She shook her head. “No...I’m fine. I just realized, though, that my married name is Rey Ren. I...I don’t think I can be Rey Ren. It’s like some kind of a tongue-twister.”

She was given that crooked smile, the one she had only seen once before. “That does sound ridiculous. How about you hyphenate and be Rey Johnson-Ren.”

“That does sound better...I guess that makes me a modern woman.”

He nodded. “And..that will make it easier for you…”

“Easier?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes...easier for you when this is over. Then you can just drop the Ren.”

They walked and then rode in silence. It seemed that thinking about that future sobered both of them.

________________________

KYLO REN: Page six has received confirmation from representatives that Mr. Ren, CEO of First Order has indeed married. His blushing bride is Rey Johnson, who originally hails from London. They married Wednesday in a private ceremony at Mr. Ren’s penthouse. The lovely couple is honeymooning in the Hamptons. Mrs. Ren runs a non-profit in Harlem, providing art therapy and jiu-jitsu self-defense classes for foster children. Kudos to you, Mr. Ren, for finding a woman beautiful in face and heart...may she tame your bad boy image. We called it, people. - New York Times, Page Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the house that inspired the Skywalker estate:  
> https://www.corcoran.com/hamptons-real-estate/for-sale/southampton/2040-meadow-lane/2829457?WebID=30840


	11. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops...apparently I forgot to post this chapter after Wedding Bells! It's a REALLY important chapter, too. We get more of Kylo's backstory...so critical. DOH!!!
> 
> Sorry about that! Here is the honeymoon you missed!

The next morning Rey woke and Kylo was already gone. Once in the night, she realized she had migrated to his side of the bed. She scooted back over and fell asleep.

She got up and wandered downstairs. The sun was fully shining down and she saw that is was 7:00. She looked around for him and finally found him on the back deck with a cup of coffee.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked.

He grinned and replied, “Trying not to think about work and wondering when you were going to wake up.”

“Did you sleep OK?” she asked, hoping his night was more peaceful than the last one.

“Adequately...and you?”

She stretched her arms up and sighed. “It was heavenly. That bed is to die for, and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach all night. I loved it.”

She noticed he was wearing cotton pajama pants and a white T-shirt. She hadn’t seen him in sleep clothes except for the night of his dream.

He noticed her taking in his appearance. “I...ah...didn’t want to shower until you were awake. I didn’t know if you would need to come in and use the bathroom.”

Of course, he wouldn’t, because if she had gotten up to use the bathroom, he would either have to have locked it and leave her to find another one or leave it open. He couldn’t very well do that, because the large glass shower was open to the rest of the bathroom. So if she had come in...oh...yes... wouldn’t do. She suppressed a shiver at the thought of catching Kylo in the shower.

“Are you cold? We can go back inside?”

It was chilly in the morning temperatures, and her arms were bare. She unconsciously rubbed them. “Yeah...a little bit, but it’s so pretty out here...”

He put his arm around her and drew her close to his warm side. Oh..that helped...and then didn’t.

“I was thinking we could go to the Parrish Art Museum today. I think you would enjoy it, as an artist.”

“Oh...I have heard of that. They have a lot of William Merritt Chase works, right?”

“Yeah..others too. I haven’t been there for years, but it’s a neat place.”

His hand was absentmindedly rubbing up and down her arm, trying to help warm her up. The trouble was, being this close to him and having his hand repeatedly contact her skin like he was doing was just making more goosebumps. For just a moment, she allowed herself to relax into him and soak up the delicious moment. That is, until her stomach growling interrupted it a few minutes later.

“The museum doesn’t open until 10, but that gives us time to make breakfast and get cleaned up. C’mon, hungry girl.”

______________________________

That night, Rey woke at 2:00 to noises of distress. She recognized the sounds of Kylo having another bad dream. As she reached over to wake him, she felt a wall of pillows between them. That was curious because they hadn’t been there when she fell asleep. She threw them down onto the floor and slid over beside him.

The heat pouring out from his body was hotter than normal in his anxiety. He was writhing back and forth, shaking his head.

She gently reached out and put her hands on either side of his head. “Kylo,” she said in a soft, firm tone, “I’m here. You are safe. Please wake up.”

His eyes flew open and were wide with fear. It took a moment before they slid shut in the realization of where he was. He turned to his side to face her and leaned his head forward to her chest. She wrapped her arms around his head and cooed soothing words to him as he struggled to get his breathing under control.

Once he did, however, he had the presence of mind to realize where exactly his face was planted. Then his breathing took on another pattern entirely. He scooted back.

Rey’s voice was thick with alarm. “Kylo...it’s ok. Are you ok?”

He covered his eyes with his hand and rubbed them. “I will be...I just need a minute.”

She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it in soothing circles.

He rolled over onto his back. He knew they couldn’t fall back asleep now. And somehow, somehow the darkness of the night made it easier to talk. He wanted her to know, to understand.

He took a deep breath and began. “I met Alistair Snoke at the end of my sophomore year at Yale. He had offered me a summer internship and later extended the invitation to be my mentor. I was flattered that a successful man like him saw something in me and wanted to invest in me. At first, he was flattering and encouraging, but gave constructive criticism too. He was everything you would want a mentor to be.

“About a year later, he turned. He was critical and harsh, completely destroying my self-image and confidence. He made me feel like only he knew what was best for me. He started manipulating my trust in him and used it to leverage against the already existing divide between my family and me. He would twist things I had told him about them and soon had me believing his lies were true. When I would start to question him, he would threaten me.”

“He used his influence to get me into Wharton. He would hold that over my head and threaten me with that constantly. He also was a less than ethical businessman. I started learning about the ways he was engaging in illegal activity.”

“I was starting to consider working with the authorities about his illegal activity, but he found out and made unveiled threats. I told him I didn’t care. So, he upped his game and targeted my family. Not long after that, my grandparents both died in a mysterious car accident. The police suspected foul play, but there wasn’t hard evidence of it.”

“He never claimed he did it, but I knew. I knew it was him, but my mind was so twisted and gnarled, I couldn’t see a way out. He promised the same would happen to the rest of my family as well.”

“After getting my MBA, I had applied to other places, but he had blackballed me. My only option was to stay with him. We had started First Order by then, and because we planned for me to take it over someday, I had more agency and was able to alleviate some of those unsavory practices from it. He remained the CEO in title only, though, while I ran the day to day workings. He, however, had the strange mandates included about my image privately included. It was a way to continue to control me.”

“I started to pursue a legal remedy again three years ago, and of course his threats escalated. I told him I had backed-off because I knew he would make good on those threats. While I wasn’t part of my family’s life anymore, I had to protect them.”

“My father, Han, was big in the import/export business. Because of his length of time in the industry and his connections, he sometimes did contract work for us. We took advantage of his contacts. I started secretly working with the FBI, and suddenly I got word that my dad was killed in a deal gone wrong in Bangladesh.”

He paused for a few minutes and struggled to get his ragged breathing back under control.

“I knew it was him. And he was slowly stealing my family from me, broken as it was, piece by piece. I was angry, and at this point realized my strength. I had been going to counseling, and I was ready to break free from him and help send him away.”

“I went over to confront him, and honestly, I probably would have killed him. Except, I got there and he was already dead. The medical reports said it was a heart attack, but I think he did it himself somehow. He was old and tired, and I think he saw the writing on the wall and didn’t want to be disgraced.”

“I gave a full deposition, and First Order was investigated. Myself and the company were cleared of any charges. But, as part of the agreement, I had to allow more board members, including my uncle, for more corporate accountability. He and I do not get along at all. This marriage idea was his.”

“The dreams I have are always in slow motion. I am trying to get to my grandparents or my dad in time, but I never do. I always wind up next to them with blood on my hands, too late. I know I didn’t kill them directly, but I will always feel responsible.”

She had been quiet the whole time, just listening to him and running her fingers through his silky long locks while he gave his confession to her in husky low tones in the dark.

“Kylo...was his abuse of you only...emotional? Was there anything physical?”

He shook his head. “He never touched me. My therapist told me that he was grooming me, which also could apply to a sexual abuser. He didn’t try that. Maybe because of my size, or knowing I was a healthy and active heterosexual college student and he knew that wouldn’t be welcome. I’m not sure. I think he got off more on the mind control and manipulation than anything physical anyhow.”

She kept massaging his scalp, and he thought nothing had ever felt so good.

“Thank you for telling me, Kylo. I know that wasn’t easy. Verbalizing abuse is difficult.”

“Thank you for listening. I hope maybe...maybe that lets you understand me better. I know I can be difficult. I don’t mean to be cruel or mean to people. I am literally trying to reprogram my brain, and I am not always successful at monitoring my responses to people.”

“Hmmm...I have never felt that from you, Kylo. You haven’t responded that way to me. Controlled, yes, but not mean.” Her voice was lazy and her hand was slowing in his hair.

“I am glad...maybe there is hope for me after all,” he said drowsily. Suddenly, fatigue was taking over, as if verbalizing his burden had invited sleep back in.

As he was drifting off, with her hands still in his hair, he heard her say, “There is always hope.”

“I have felt so alone, before you.”

“You aren’t alone, Kylo.”

The last thing he remembered was him saying, “neither are you…”

___________________________

For the second time in three days, Kylo woke well past his normal wake-up time...and with Rey in his arms. He felt her back nuzzled into his chest and felt the steady rise and fall of her breathing under his arm.

He thought about their middle-of-the-night conversation. She was so easy for him to talk to. Her gentle, kind spirit made it easy for him to open up to. He realized that she had become the closest thing to a friend he had had in a very long time. That she felt so nice in his arms that they kept betraying him and pulling her to themselves in his sleep...well surely that was just a response to her friendship.

He quickly realized that he needed to change the topic in his mind from her soon lest he find himself in an embarrassing situation. He gave her hair, which smelled of jasmine one last sniff before he carefully extracted himself. He had an idea to say thank you to her, and he needed to get up to do it.

___________________________

Rey awoke to the sensation of sunshine on the other side of her eyelids and the smell of eggs and bacon. She cracked open an eye and saw Kylo sitting on the side of the bed, his big hand smoothing her hair off her forehead.

“Hey, sleepyhead. I’m sorry I kept you up last night. I made you breakfast to make up for it. He nodded to the tray on the floor.”

She stretched her arms up and yawned. “You sure did...but for food, I will gladly forgive you.”

He leaned down to grab her tray and set the legs of it on either side of her legs on the bed. Eggs, bacon, strawberries, a croissant and a perfectly made cup of steaming tea greeted her.

“Wow...is this what it is going to be like to be married to you?” she teased.

He just shrugged and smiled at her.

“Where is yours?”

“Oh...I was just going to eat downstairs.”

She reached out for his hand. “Would you please come and eat with me? Breakfast in bed is no fun alone.

“Sure,” he said and as she watched him bound from the room, she couldn’t help but think how much lighter he seemed. Confession _was_ good for the soul.

____________________________

Two days later, they were packing up to go home. She couldn’t remember the last time she had such a good time. They explored the beach, ate too much, had afternoon ice cream cones, and slept in. Kylo declared that she was ruining his routine.

Now it was Sunday morning, and they were leaving to head back to the city as soon as she was packed. She really didn't want to leave. She like this reality of Kylo being her friend and him confiding in her. She didn’t know what would happen when they were back to their normal lives.

And, if she was really honest with herself, she liked sharing a room with him. Oh, waking up twisted his limbs was nice, but she was getting used to just having someone there. She had been alone her whole life, and it had been nice to not have to be.  
____________________________

KYLO REN: Sources have told us they Kylo and his bride have been enjoying a romantic honeymoon in South Hampton. Reports of romantic dinners, shopping while holding hands, visiting museums, and breakfast in bed tell us this boy is whooped. Congrats on taming the wild beast, Mrs. Ren! - The New York Times, Page Six


	12. Back to Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reveals Rey's childhood trauma...please mind the tags.
> 
> Also...loves...this is un-betaed. I do my best, but please be gentle. Keep in mind this is fantasy...loosely based on reality. It's been a bad day for criticism...I've got my big girl panties on, but am admittedly hormonal so...just remember I do this out of the love of my heart for Reylo and y'all! XO

Once they were home, they fell into an easy life rhythm that had them going separate ways. Kylo was insanely busy after being gone for almost a week, and Rey jumped back into her center life.

Jamal, one of her favorite students, noticed her ring. The ten-year-old oozed with charm and was sharp as a tack. She was just wearing the band, but the smart little booger saw it.

“Miss Rey...where did you get that ring?” he demanded.

She hadn’t really thought about telling her students. But, she supposed she needed to since she couldn’t very well hide it from them for three years.

“Oh, well...I actually...I got married.”

The three girls on the other side of the room screamed. “What? What did she say? Did she said MARRIED?”

Jamal smiled, but it was subdued. “I guess you couldn’t wait for me, huh Miss Rey?”

Oh...that was something new. “I am sorry, Jamal. I think you will like him, though.”

Angelica, one of the screamers, tugged on her arm. “What is his name?”

“His name is Kylo Ren, and he works for a company called First Order.”

“Do you have a picture?” eleven-year-old Lacrissa asked.

Wow...she should have a picture, right? Of her husband? She suddenly remembered a selfie she snapped of them when they got ice cream one day. She scrolled through her phone.

“Well, we are still waiting for our wedding photos, but here is one I took on our honeymoon.”

She showed them the silly shot of her making a face and his crooked smile.

Lupe, a quiet girl who usually didn’t say much looked at it and sighed, “Oooh...es guapo.”

She smiled at the sweet girl. “He is handsome, Lupe.”

“When do we get to meet him?” Jamal piped in.

“Well...I will have to ask him. And, I promise I will, but for now, we need to get back to work.”

It was hard to keep them focused the rest of their time. Finally, they and their questions all left. She worked on some paperwork. By the time she was done, it was 4:30.

When she called Mitaka, she asked him what time Kylo normally left work. She hadn’t seen him much for a few days. “He is supposed to leave at 5:30. He sometimes does. Would you like to head there?”

“Yes..thank you, Mitaka. That way I can just ride home with him.”

She looked down and checked her appearance. She had white jeans on with a turquoise tunic and gold thong sandals. She remembered to accessorize, so she was feeling reasonably comfortable she wouldn’t embarrass him.

When Mikata dropped her off, she headed straight for Maz. After giving the small woman a hug, she was on the receiving end of one of her stares.

“How are you, dear. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Oh..well, Kylo has been working late, and I have been busy. I haven’t seen him much, so I thought I would surprise him.”

Maz smiled approvingly. “He is in a meeting that should end in five minutes. Would you like to wait in his office?”

She nodded and went in to sit on his couch. A few minutes later, she heard two male voices talking in heated tones. She recognized Kylo’s as one of them, so she stood to greet them.

The two men looked at her in surprise. “Hey...Kylo. I came to surprise you and catch a ride home.”

It took just a beat too long before Kylo gathered himself and walked over to her and kissed her temple and put his arm around her. “Hello, Sweetheart. I wasn’t expecting you, but it is a welcome surprise.”

The other finally shut his mouth that had been hanging open. He was paler than Kylo, shorter, and had bright red hair. His voice dripping with disbelief said, “Sweetheart?”

“Yes. Hux, allow me to introduce my beautiful bride, Rey. Rey, this is my VP of Marketing, Armitage Hux.”

A big smile broke out across Rey’s face. “Oh, Mr. Hux. How wonderful to meet you.”

She held out her hand, and Hux took it gingerly, still not believing she was there.

“How on earth did Kylo Ren manage to catch such a lovely creature? Please, my dear. Call me Hux...everyone else does.”

She nodded. “Sure...Hux. Where are you from? I am from London.”

“What a coincidence. I am as well. I went to Bales College for high school and then St. Andrews for uni. Where did you go?”

“Oh...I just went to public school before coming here and attending NYU for undergrad and grad.”

“I see. And how did you two meet?”

She looked up at Kylo and started, “I had approached Kylo a while ago about supporting my non-profit, Scavenged Hope. That is how we met. One thing just led to another, and we got married last week.”

Kylo was looking down at her, and his voice was soft. “Rey’s big heart and beauty bowled me over from the beginning, and I was smitten. We were planning on marrying later this year anyway, but with the board’s request, we just decided to move it up earlier.”

The other man studied them carefully. “Yes...it is interesting that we had never heard of Rey before this.”

Kylo looked back over to him and shrugged. “What can I say, Hux. I prefer to keep my personal life private. Now, if you will excuse us… I am going to take my wife to dinner.” He kissed her hand and dropped it to gather his things. Once he had his messenger bag, he wrapped an arm around Rey to lead her to the elevators.

“See you tomorrow, Hux.”

The ginger man followed their exit, befuddled, to say the least.

“Maz...how long have those two been together?”

“Oh, well...I’m not sure. It all started with her letter. Let me see. She pulled up an electronic document on her screen. “Yes...She sent this last September, and now we are in the first week of May. I guess it has been about eight months now. Aren’t they a lovely couple?”

Hux still looked down the hallway in disbelief. “Yes..they are. I have known Ren for a long time...I have never seen him like that.”

Maz nodded. “Well...I supposed it took just the right beauty to tame the beast.”

_____________________

“Do you think he bought it?” she whispered once they were safely down on the street.

“Oh...I think so. Did you see his face? I wish I had a picture of that.”

She laughed, such a carefree laugh.

He squeezed her shoulder. “Why are you really here?”

She looked up and smiled. “I meant what I said...I have just missed you and wanted to surprise you. Is that OK?”

“Of course it was OK. I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Capital Grille?”

“Huh? Oh...dinner, sure. Yes, well, nothing is wrong, but I told my students about you today, and they asked me a hundred and one questions. I hadn’t really planned to, but one of them noticed my ring and caught me off guard.”

“So...you weren't you planning to tell them?”

“I have been so focused on ‘selling’ us to your world, I hadn’t really thought of mine beyond what Finn & Rose know. I should have...but I didn’t. Now they want to meet you. And, I need a picture of us for my office too. They wanted to see one, and I only had the selfie I took with our ice cream.”

He winced. “I will never be respectable to them after that.”

She squeezed his side where her hand rested after she snaked her arm around his waist. “It will be fine...they like you already.”

“Well...see that..you are helping my image already.”

___________________________

The next week, Rey was in her office reading files of potential cases to take on. With Kylo’s support, and at his suggestion, she was bringing on an intern from the program at NYU so she could expand to include a small teen class. She had a pile of twenty files, but she only had the capacity for eight. Her heart was tender already trying to eliminate twelve of them. She was almost done but really wanted to narrow it down and eliminate at least half of them tonight.

Her head was starting to throb. She picked up a file for a Riley Miller. She opened the file and saw a picture of a somber-looking thirteen-year-old. Her big brown eyes kind of reminded her of Kylo’s. Once she started reading, though, she froze. Her hands shook and she slammed the file down.

She heard the bells and knew Mitaka was here to take her home. She was planning to take the files, but she just left them and fled out to the car with a terse greeting to her driver.

They rode in silence. Rey just stared out the window stoically. Mitaka glanced at her multiple times, worried at the sudden change in her personality from her usual sunny self. When he dropped her back off at the apartment, he reached down to his phone and sent off a text.

______________________

Rey entered the apartment before the tears started. She dropped her bag and her sweater on the table and just ran to her room.

She hadn’t had to face the demons from her past too often. Sure, just working with fosters after being one herself was challenging at times. But, it was rare that she came across one with her unique circumstances, and she was not prepared for it.

She rolled over and sobbed, drawing one of her fluffy pillows to herself as she wept. She wept for Riley, and she wept for little Rey.

_______________________

Kylo was wrapping up an overseas conference call with Tokyo when he got a text from Maz.

He looked down in disbelief. “I am going to leave Hux and Peavy to wrap up the details. I just received word that my wife is not well. Gentlemen, thank you and I will be in touch soon.”

Kylo grabbed his bag and headed for the elevators. When he got to the bottom, Mitaka was already waiting for him.

“Is she ill?” he asked worriedly.

“She didn’t seem to be, and she didn’t mention not feeling well, but that is the problem. She didn’t talk at all. I couldn’t get her to engage with me. She just stared out the window. She was pale and just looked scared.”

Kylo felt rage well up in him. Did someone go by the center and hurt her? Threaten her? He had to get home right now.

“Thank you for letting Maz know, Mitaka. How quickly can you get me there?”

“I have a few shortcuts up my sleeve...ten minutes tops.”

____________________

Kylo entered the dark apartment and listened for her. The living areas were dark and quiet, so he headed down the hall in the east wing towards her room.

As he got close, he heard her sniffing. Her door was just partially closed. He felt a bit guilty barging in on her, but then he remembered she had done it to him when he needed her.

He entered and saw her curled up in a fetal position in the middle of the bed. Her shoulders were shaking and her breathing was comin in gulps.

He leaned over and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Rey, Sweetheart...are you OK?”

She stiffened at first when he touched her, but then relaxed when she heard his voice. She shook her head.

This was not in Kylo’s wheelhouse to know how to handle. He wasn’t sure what to do until he thought to himself, _what would Rey do?_ That made his next steps easy.

He sat on the edge of her bed and slid his shoes off. Then he turned and wrapped his body around her back and held her to himself as she cried.

“I’m here, Rey. You’re not alone.”

_________________________

He held her for about an hour before her sobs subsided. About halfway through, she had turned and buried her face in his chest. He could feel that his shirt was soaked from her tears. He just rubbed his hands on her back and kept handing her tissues. He didn’t say a word.

Finally, her body was still and her breathing was even.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You are welcome, Rey. Do...do you want to talk about it?”

She sighed and rolled over on her back, staring up at the ceiling. “No, not really, but I should.”

He lifted his head up and rested it on his hand. “If you want to, I’m here. If you don’t want to, it can wait.”

She shook her head. “No...I want to tell you. I was at work and was evaluating the files of prospective kids to add to the teen program. I was doing fine...until I came across a girl named Riley. She is thirteen, and she had a similar trauma to what I experienced.”

She paused and just took a few deep breaths.

“When I was ten, I was placed with some bad people. They were always cruel, but about three months into my stay there, I was imprisoned in a closet. They didn’t let me out for anything. They withheld food from me for days, and only gave me water. There was nowhere to use the bathroom. I was in there for approximately 30 days...that is what the medical facility told me. A neighbor started to notice…” her eyes slid shut and hot, wet tears escaped the corners, “...started to notice the smell.”

She physically shook her head, as if trying to push the memory from her mind. “Once I recovered, I was placed with a good family for a while. I had to testify in court against them. I have been through therapy for it, and usually am fine. But reading that little girl’s file today...I just...I just couldn’t stop the flood of memories.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Thank you...thank you for coming and being here. I’m assuming Mitaka told you?”

He just nodded.

“I will have to thank him too.”

Kylo just stayed silent. He was afraid of what would happen if he opened his mouth. He couldn’t believe that someone could do something like that to a child. But that it happened to Rey...his Rey…he just felt rage.

Wait a second...when had he started thinking of her as _his_ Rey?

He reached out for her hand and held it as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. At some point in the last few weeks, she had managed to unwittingly wrap his life around her.

He realized that before Rey, he couldn’t remember the last time he had human contact beyond a business handshake. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been held or hugged...or kissed. It almost felt as if he never had.

He leaned over and did something that had almost become as natural as breathing for him. He kissed her forehead and whispered that he was sorry. He liked kissing her there because then he could soak up the sweet smell of her hair.

“I wish I could erase it,” he muttered.

She looked over at him, her eyes still moist. “Believe it or not...I don’t. I have been through many things in my life, but I don’t regret them. All that pain, and all that brokenness...it is part of who I am, and it is what now prepares me to help my patients. I can help them in ways many therapists can’t, because I have been there. I understand them, and because of that, I reach them differently. I have overcome...and that is a beautiful thing.”

She rolled back over on her side, mirroring him by resting her head on her bent arm. “Kylo...have you ever heard of Kintsugi art?”

He slowly shook his head, mesmerized by what she was saying.

“It’s a Japanese art form where broken pieces of pottery are put back together using glue with gold in it. They say that when finished, the pieces are more beautiful for being broken than if they weren’t. When we let healing in, hese terrible, hard things can be used to bless others, and our brokenness can make our lives more beautiful than if they had never happened. The brokeness becomes part of our purpose.”

In the years to come, he would look back on this moment and realize that this was when he fell in love with Rey. He wasn’t really ready to think about it at the moment, so he pushed it down, but it was true. His attraction to her had been growing for weeks, but now his heart fled his chest and latched onto her like a lovesick parasite without giving him a backward glance.

________________________________

Kylo ordered in Chinese food and declared it a movie night. He let her pick and she demanded “The Proposal” for its reliable laugh making ability. They needed a good laugh.

He was frustrating to watch movies with, though.

“Rey...it makes no sense. Why would someone from a family with money work as someone’s assistant.”

“SHHHH!”

“I don’t understand...isn’t she like fifty? How old is that guy...like 25? Is that even plausible?”

“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Betty White is a national treasure...how old is she?”

She resorted to throwing popcorn at him.

He laughed hard at the _morning_ scene, then looked at her nervously and cleared his throat.

“You know, Kylo...just think about how much harder this would all be if we were having to do all this pretend stuff in front of a family like them.” She looked at him with eyes that were sad yet filled with a smile at the same time. “It could be worse.”

__________________________

The next week was the Met Gala. She had an appointment for her final fitting with Dominic on Wednesday. They were talking about it at breakfast as they were running down their day.

“What are you wearing?” she asked.

“Well..for guys it pretty easy. Some of them get a bit crazy, but it’s perfectly acceptable to just show up in an Armani tux, same as last year.”

“Are you aware that Dominic and his “beauty team” are coming at 10:00 Friday. He has things planned out ALL DAY, some kind of crazy torture to turn me into his vision. Hair, makeup, a crystal team…”

“What exactly is a crystal team?”

“I have no idea, but apparently I have one. Not to mention the nerves I have about all the celebrities coming.”

“Just ignore them...they pee just like everyone else.”

“No...I’m pretty sure in some of those getups I saw online it’s pretty near impossible for them to just pee just like everyone else…”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise at her.

“And, on top of all that, apparently I will be wearing like a million dollars worth of diamonds. There will be a bodyguard and everything. He called in some sort of favor from a man named Winston to adorn his ‘muse.’”

He chuckled at how adorable she was when she was perturbed, and how uninformed she was about world famous names like designers and Harry Winston. It was refreshing. “Well...just think about how great Saturday morning is going to feel when it is all over.”

She picked up the newspaper and whacked him with it.


	13. Regatta Gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big night is finally here! Crystals are the devil...

Rey slept in on Friday morning. She didn’t have work, and she figured they would be out late. That means, though, that she didn’t see Kylo before he left for work. He was planning to come home at 2:00 to get ready. When she reached over to get her phone, she noticed a little blue box sitting there with a note on top.

She picked it up, and the note on it said:

_Remember no matter what he puts you through today, it is all for show. The most beautiful part of you is the part that no one can see. Yours, Kylo._

She opened the box and inside was a pendant necklace in white gold with a heart on it, and it had streaks of yellow gold running down the heart in three different places...as if it had been broken and repaired in the Kintsugi style.

She stared at it in awe. It was lovely, but that he had given her something with such meaning...she was just overcome.

In the last 5 weeks, Kylo had become someone very special to her. She probably considered him one of her best friends. True, a best friend that made her heart flutter a lot, but a friend nonetheless. She was so moved by it, she took it out and put it on immediately.

It was perfect.

________________________

When Kylo got home at 2:00, his apartment was a flurry of activity. They were still working on poor Rey. They had to leave in three hours for the event. He couldn’t possibly imagine why it would take seven hours to get her ready.

He popped over to her side of the apartment to check on her. She was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room while a makeup artist worked on her. They had moved in several wheeled trays filled with makeup and hair supplies. She saw him behind her in the mirror and smiled.

“Miss Rey, please be still.”

She put her hand up. “Please...my husband is home. Let me at least say hello to him before you start torturing me again,” she teased. The woman sighed but smiled as she scooted back so Rey could get up.

Her hair was up in some sort of elaborate updo. It looked unfinished...he hoped it was unfinished. Her skin was glowing and iridescent. Clearly, something was used to cause that.

“Hey, Kylo.” She pulled him down and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek, then whispered in his ear, “Thank you for the necklace...I love it.”

His eyes were warm light melting chocolate. “You’re welcome.”

He then turned to Dominic. “Why does she have to get makeup done three hours before we leave?”

The designer pushed out an exasperated sigh and answered him. “Because her makeup has to be done before the crystal team can do their work.”

He smirked. “Oh...of course. I mean, the crystal team has to do...what is it they do again?”

Dominic smiled at him. “Basically, they are going to bedazzle your wife.”

He looked down at her and kissed her unfinished hair. “Did he let you eat?”

She nodded.

“Ok...well I will let you get back to it. Text me if you need reinforcements.”

_____________________________

At five minutes to 5:00 he heard squeals and claps coming from Rey’s room. He stood there in his tux, waiting for the big reveal.

Dominic came down the hall first. “Please, Mr. Ren...no kissing. You will ruin everything. OK?”

He just nodded. He heard a rustling of fabric and then saw Rey floating down the hall. Everything on her glistened--her skin, her hair, and her dress. As she got closer, he saw there were tiny crystals attached to her face, hair, chest, and arms. Her hair was done and frankly defied gravity. And, the cape of the gown flowed from the collar contraption to the floor behind her, giving the impression of wings. On her chest was a large and intricate necklace of sparkling diamonds. And upon closer inspection, he realized she even had false eyelashes on that had tiny crystals embedded in them.

“Wow...sweetheart...you look…”

“Ethereal?” she smirked.

“Yeah...yeah you really do. Nice job, Dominic. Now...is she going to be able to sit in the Limo?”

“The Spanx make sitting tough, but the rest of what she is wearing is soft. She should be fine.”

He raised his eyebrows. “What’s a Spanx?”

Rey just shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You don’t even want to know…”

___________________________

As they were getting out of the car, he said, “I feel like I shouldn’t even touch you.”

“It is probably best if you do not,” she gritted out. Clearly, she was not amused.

But why did her saying he shouldn’t touch her just make him want to do it all the more?

He got out first and turned to offer his hand. Once he got her out, he had to bend down and get the rest of her dress and cape out. Train fluffer definitely was not something he thought he’d be doing.

“This is ridiculous. I am Rey from nowhere...what am I doing here on a red carpet in a million dollars worth of jewelry and a security guy named Fred trailing after me.” She nodded back to the large man behind her with a corded earpiece.

“First of all, you are not Rey from nowhere...you are Rey Johnson-Ren, my wife and the most beautiful woman in the world with the kindest heart. You deserve it much more than a self-absorbed actress or singer. You deserve the spotlight, and maybe in the process, people will learn more about the important work you do and will want to support it so you can help more kids.”

“Oh...I like that...that is a good idea.” Her heart was still beating a little faster after it selected out the words “wife” and “beautiful” to zero in on.

He offered his hand palm up so she could grasp it as best as she could without knocking off any crystals and they started working their way down the red carpet. They stopped a few times to answer questions about her dress, their recent marriage, and Kylo managed to get in some sound bites about Scavenged Hope.

She saw people she thought she recognized, but really the night was a blur for her.

And Kylo...there was a crack that opened in his heart. There was nothing this woman couldn’t do. She could bind up her painful past and offer it to him and the kids at the center as bandages to draw them towards healing, and she could stand out as a shimmering angel of light in a sea of celebrities.

He felt himself slipping. His resolve to avoid romantic entanglements was drowning in her.

Would it be the worst thing in the world? After all...they were married...right?

_____________________________

On the way home, after the jewels were handed back to Fred, he turned to her and asked, “How exactly are you supposed to undo all of this, Cinderella?”

She groaned. “I don’t know. They gave me instructions for removing everything, but no offer of assistance.”

“It seems like the worst part would be the crystals.” He picked at one on her hand to test it.

“Ouch! Stop that!”

“How are they going to come off?”

“He said to use a Q-tip and oil.”

“Rey, there are literally hundreds of them.”

“I know…” she groaned, “...beauty is pain.”

“You were beautiful before the three hundred crystals they glued to you...that was just over the top.” He sighed, “I’ll help you.”

“You will?” she said breathlessly.

“Look, Rey...I got you into this. The least I can do is try to help you undo it.”

___________________________

It was well past midnight, and he was still working on removing crystals. She had managed to get her dress off and put on a tank top so he had access to them all. As soon as he was done, she was taking a shower to try to address her hair.

Now all that was left were the ones on her face. Wherever he removed them, there was a spot in her makeup. The more he removed, the more her face resembled Swiss cheese.

With his face so close to hers, she noticed again the mix of moles and freckles across his skin. He wasn’t handsome in a traditional sense. His features all seemed to be too much for that. But together, they were stunning and she had a hard time not looking at him. Especially those lips. She wondered what would happen if she just leaned forward a tiny bit…

“Do you have any deep dark secrets?” he asked.

“Wha..what? What do you mean?” she stuttered.

“I don’t know...I’m just making conversation. It’s late, I’m tired, and I need to talk to stay awake so I don't mistake a freckle for a crystal.”

“Ummm...let’s see. I grew up in London, but I never saw the changing of the guard?”

His face got very serious. “Dark indeed, Rey.”

“I’m sorry...you will have to be more specific with your questions.”

“Favorite book?”

“Mmmm...Anne of Green Gables. You?”

“To Kill A Mockingbird. Movie?”

“Pride and Prejudice...BBC or Kira movie version. And Kylo’s is…”

“Lord of the Rings...all of them.”

“Oooh...they are good too. We should do a marathon sometime.”

He grunted in approval. “Song?”

“Well, I love Adele and Coldplay...but I don't have a favorite. How about you?”

“Mahler’s Symphony No. 5 in C Sharp.”

“Wow...that is really...specific.”

“Who would you have dinner with if you could pick anyone in the world?”

“Uhhh...the queen? And you?”

He pulled back the Q-tip and withdrew from her personal space. “I’m done. You can go shower now. Goodnight.” He got up to leave and head to his room.

“Wait...Kylo...you didn’t answer the last question,” she called out.

He stopped and turned to look at her. “You, Rey...just you.”

__________________________________

Rey was finally in bed after showering. She didn’t feel tired as she struggled to process what Kylo meant. Obviously, they enjoyed each other’s company. Was that all he meant? Sometimes it seemed like he meant something more.

There was a growing pool of feelings she was having when it came to Kylo. She just kept letting them accumulate without looking at them too carefully. She was afraid to dip her toe in that pool. After all, he said marriage as a business agreement...and that is what he meant...right? If anything would change on his end, he would just tell her, wouldn’t he?

Did he?

As she was finally drifting off to sleep, she thought she really needed to talk to Rose.

__________________________

Rose agreed to meet her at a deli near Rey’s apartment.

“Ok girl...I know you didn’t invite me down here for the pastrami. Spill it.”

Rey sighed. “It’s about Kylo…”

“What did that hunky hubby of yours do now?”

“It’s...it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” she asked with a mouth stuffed with the sandwich.

She hesitated and then finally blurted out, “Rose...how did you know that Finn liked you?”

Rose stopped chewing. “Wha?”

“I feel like I am getting confusing signals from him, and I don’t know what it means. I’ve never done all of this before, Rose. I don’t know what to think.”

The other woman finally swallowed her bite and took a swig of root beer before answering.

“Maybe you better start from the beginning.”

So, she told Rose about what had been happening between them the last few weeks. She managed to explain his dreams without divulging details, and then the way he comforted her. She told her about the gift and the way he treated her, and even last night removing the crystals and then his cryptic answer to her question at the end of the night.

Finally, Rose spoke. “Ok...first of all, he seriously stayed up till the wee hours of the morning picking crystals off your skin? You know honey, I love you like a sister. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and yet I want to see you happy. And, I know that you don’t get anywhere in love without a little risk. It is clear to me that Kylo cares a lot for you and you have a special relationship. I can’t really say if he likes you, or if he’s in love with you. I don’t see you together much to even have an opinion. And, I don’t really know him well enough to tell.”

An idea popped in Rey’s head. “What if...what if you and Finn come over for dinner. Then you can observe and tell me what you think. I just don’t want to make more of this than he means, but if he’s as inept as I am in all of this and he’s trying to throw me signals, I don’t want to miss them.”

“Oooh” Rose gushed. “That is good...we can do that. Next Saturday?” Then realization dawned on her. “Wait a sec...you aren’t going to try to feed us, are you?”

“Let me check with him? And, don’t worry...we will order in.”

______________________________

KYLO & REY REN: Last night, Mrs. Johnson-Ren (we are told she is hyphenating) stunned at the Met Gala. The relatively unknown ingenue literally dazzled from head to toe and upstaged A-list celebs with designer Dominic’s interpretation of an angel. We’ve said it once, and we’re gonna say it again--that Kylo Ren is a lucky man! - The New York Times, Page Six


	14. Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More discovery...more bonding...just a wee bit more shopping. I mean, this is my fic people...

Ben agrees to dinner but insists they cook.

“Seriously, though Ben...the fire extinguisher…”

“Ok, firestarter...we can do this. We will do steak, my grandma’s au gratin potato recipe, and salad. It’s a piece of cake.”

“No!” she moans. “Cake too?”

He smirks at her. “Nope...I won’t risk dessert. It would be a sin to ruin it...you can buy that.”

_________________________________

The next Wednesday, Kylo came by the center to meet the kids as promised. He brought a box of cookies from his favorite bakery.

All ten kids swarmed him, asking him questions all at the same time.

“Hey, kids...I know you want to ask him stuff, but we need to go one at a time. The first one quietly in their seat with their hand raised gets to ask the first question and get the first cookie, then the second, and so on.”

Jamal was in his seat lightning fast. Rey called on him first.

“What do you like most about Miss Rey?”

Kylo held out the box of cookies for him to take one as he answered. “Well, I think what I like best is her big, caring heart.”

Jamal smiled and nodded as he munched his cookie.

Angelica was next. “How come you married her?”

“Uhh...well...that’s what people do when they love each other, right?” The girl nodded as she took her cookie.

“When are you going to have a baby,” Lupe asked.

“Lupe...we just got married. Give us a break!” Rey piped in.

Kylo looked at her and then back to Lupe. “But...Miss Rey will be a great mom, don’t you think?”

The girl smiled at him and nodded.

The questions kept coming. What was his favorite ice cream? Had he been to the zoo? Did he like the Mets or the Yankees? What Harry Potter house would he be from?

“I actually haven’t read or seen Harry Potter...sorry guys.” Groans from the kids followed.

“Ok ok...last question, guys. Then it’s time to go.”

Jamal was quick to raise his hand again. “When did you know you loved her?”

The room got deathly quiet. Rey looked at him with huge eyes and shook her head subtly, indicating he didn’t need to answer. He ignored it.

“I think you all know that Miss Rey is pretty special. She has a big, strong heart and wants to take care of everyone else. I think I realized I loved her the first time she let me take care of her instead--when I realized we could be strong for each other. She’s pretty easy to love, though, so it’s hard to tell when.”

The kids all nodded, and then excitedly started gathering their things to go home.

Rose had been listening from her office. She smiled and closed her eyes as a single tear leaked out.

_________________________

At dinner that night, he brought up something he had been dreading.  
  
“Rey...a week from Sunday we have one of those work events I need you to go to. It is with the principal leaders from our China deal. It will be at Tavern on the Green, and it’s semi-formal. You have what you need for that kind of event, right?”

“Oh...yes, I have a few cocktail dresses Sabine set me up with.”

He nodded. “Good. I think this might be the most difficult crowd for us. Not only will it be my work associates, but the board and the Chinese reps as well. I have asked Maz to work with you to get a lay of the land, and also coordinate with whatever stories she has cooked up over there. I know she got her grandson to help her mess with the date on your letter and she loaded it in the company archives. Things like that, you just need to get our stories straight.

Then he paused and ran his hands through his hair. She wondered not for the first time about why he kept it so long. It wasn’t typical for a New York businessman.

“Like I said, the board will be there, Rey...including my uncle. We are going to need to talk more about my family soon...maybe this weekend. But first, let’s have you talk to Maz.”

“Sure...maybe I can do lunch with her later this week or something.”

He nodded. “She would like that. Then the next day after the party, I have to go to China for two weeks.”

“Oh...wow...China? That’s so….far…”

“Usually I travel much more, but the last few months have been quiet. We are finalizing the deal with the smaller businesses we purchased there. I have to be there for the final signing.”

She picked at the food on her plate with her fork. “I’ve just gotten used to having you around...I will miss you.”

He looked up at her, disbelief in his countenance. “Truly?”

She smiled at him and said, “Truly. You are one of my best friends, Kylo.”

When he was angry or afraid, his eyes turned cold and black. But often when he looked at her, an unknown source turned them warm and the color of rich, dark chocolate. She couldn’t identify what it was that did that, but it was happening now.

“You too, Rey. Except...you are my only friend.”

______________________________

She had lunch with Maz on Thursday. She went over numerous details with Rey, starting with the timing of how they met.

“OK, dear...Gregory fixed the date on your ask letter to be September 1st of last year. So, your official record states that you had been dating a little over eight months before you got married. Have you and Kylo discussed when he proposed? What that was like?”

“No...we haven’t. Do you think someone will ask?”

“Possibly...you two need a plan.”

“OK...what else?”

“Well, maybe a few dates that happened you can agree on. You also should talk about what kind of affection you are showing in public.”

Rey blushed a little. “He has actually been quite sweet about all of that...I think we are good there.”

“If you say so. Now, Luke loves to get under Kylo’s skin. It would be good if you use your natural charm to run interference. But, Kylo also doesn’t get along with him...so not too much. That might make Luke suspicious.”

“Right...nice, but not too nice. Maz, what happened? Why don’t they get along?”

She patted her hand and said, “That is not my story to tell. I think Kylo is planning to tell you soon, though. After he spills the beans, you can come to me with any questions.”

She nodded. “One last question...what happens at these kinds of events?”

Maz sighed. “Well, there is a lot of hobnobbing. No one is very genuine, so be prepared for that. There will be a cocktail hour, then dinner...oh, and dancing.”

“Oh no...I forgot about dancing. He’s going to have to teach me.”

“Kylo is an excellent dancer...you are in good hands. It would also be good for you to brush up on Chinese culture. For starters, do you have a dress, and what color is it?”

“Well...I have a few...is there a color that is better than others?”

“Yes. To the Chinese, Yellow is viewed as the most beautiful and prestigious color, with red being the second best. I think as Kylo’s wife, either of those would be the most advisable. They place a lot of value on those kinds of signs and would read it as respectful of them. Not everyone could pull off a yellow one, but with your coloring, I think you could.”

“That makes sense...but no. The dresses I have are not those colors.”

“No worries, dear. I will make an appointment with Sabine for you. Is there a day that is best?”

Rey knew this was a part of it all, so she pushed down the rebel I-don’t-want-him-to-buy-me-stuff feelings and nodded. “I have the rest of today off, or Monday late morning.”

“Perfect...I will check with her and let her know what we need”

Maz pulled out her phone, she assumed to jot down a few notes and then turned back to her. “Now, how are you doing dear?”

“Good. It is so nice to have the center fully funded. We added a class for ages 13-18, and I hired a graduate from the NYU program that is in their certification process. Kaydel is her name. She is working with the teens and doing a great job.”

“And how is Kylo treating you?”

At the mention of his name, she felt her face flush. She knew this perceptive woman would pick up on any reaction, so she willed her body to not respond.

“Kylo and I have developed a friendship. He has shown me nothing but kindness.”

“Yes...he has been different here...less intense and not so harsh. It seems the board knew what they were doing. It’s nice to see it again.”

“Maz...how long have you known him?”

The other woman’s eyes grew wistful. “I have known him since he was a boy. His life has been difficult. I joined him as his assistant when he and Snoke founded this place. I was toying with retiring, but he needed me...still does.”

“What was he like? When he was younger?”

Maz smiled. “Not so different than he is now. He was always intense. But, it was...softer. He was also full of wonder. He wanted to know about everything. He read all the time. He smiled more and there was more light in his soul. I have watched it get snuffed out over the years. In the last few months, though, I have seen a little spark of it returning. I think your friendship is good for him.”

Rey smiled and dipped her head. “He’s been good for me too.”

When she raised her head back up, Maz’s knowing gaze was on her, just a bit longer than what was comfortable.

Suddenly, a notification buzzed on Maz’s phone. “Oh...Sabine says she can see you anytime today. I can have Mitaka drop you there when we get back to the office.”

“Great!” Rey gushed, relieved to have the distraction from her perusal.

“Rey...just one last thing. For many reasons, Kylo does not know how to express himself well verbally. He communicates more with actions than with words. That will just be helpful for you to know.”

She nodded as they rose to leave and walk back to the office.

__________________________________

When she got home, she took the dress they had picked out to hand in her closet. Sabine had found a canary yellow dress for her, and she loved it. It was heavy lace with a matching satin sheath beneath it. It had a high mandarin collar and cap sleeves. In the back, it was open from the collar to her mid back. They had chosen red strappy stilettos and large sparkly earrings to go with it.

When she checked the time, she knew Kylo would be home on about an hour. She thought about trying to cook some dinner, then chuckled and decided to order delivery instead.

R: I was going to order dinner...what is your ETA?

B: Probably 6:30...a few things to wrap up.

R: What sounds good?

B: Home...home sounds good. It’s been a long day.

R: I meant food ;)

B: I know...Capital Grille...you know what I like

R: You are a creature of habit. Anything else I can do to help?

B: No...just knowing you are there helps. See you soon

___________________________

They had to delay plans with Finn and Rose until the following Saturday, so today was the day to talk about his family. They decided to go for a walk in the park.

They were strolling hand-in-hand over one of the bridges before he started talking.

“My parents had a very tempestuous relationship. They loved and fought passionately. Many times over my growing up years they separated and came back together. I usually stayed with my mom, and I would watch her grieve him when they were apart.”

“It was as if they couldn’t live with each other or apart. Invariably, they wound up miserable either way. I was difficult. I suppose I inherited some of that passion from them. I did everything to the extreme, including my adolescence.”

He stopped and she realized he was breathing heavy. She rubbed his hand reassuringly. “It’s OK...you don’t have to tell me.”

He exhaled a deep sigh. “No, actually I do. You can’t meet Luke without knowing all of this.”

She didn’t reply. Instead, she reached over with her free hand and caressed his forearm above their clasped hands.

“When I was 17, I was sent to live with Luke. Since is this big self-help guru, they thought maybe he could help. He does leadership consulting and is a motivational speaker. So, off I went to Uncle Luke’s.”

“It wasn’t much better. Luke is a hothead as well, and I hated being there with him. I know now that I made things difficult for him, but at the time, I felt like he was just unfair and didn’t understand me. After a drinking incident when I was 18, he grounded me pretty harshly. I didn’t take it well, and it got physical between us. He eventually pulled a knife on me. I’m not sure if he would have used it. But, I was bigger and stronger than him at this point, and the fight was not going his way. I stormed out and went home until I left for Yale just a few weeks later.”

“I didn’t see my parents much. I didn’t tell them why I left Luke’s. Once I was at school, I really didn’t come home except for Christmas. I stayed for internships in the summer...and that is when I met Snoke.”

“The combination of my parents' difficult relationship and guilt over my grandparents and dad are why I have chosen to live a solitary life. My family life was not good, but I know that Snoke twisted the story darker. He fed on any crevice of dysfunctionality that was there. By the time I realized that Snoke was gone and it had been ten years since the incident with Luke. I am too far gone now.”

She stopped him and looked up into his eyes, cupping his cheek with her hand. “You can never be too far gone for the people who love you, Kylo.”

“Yeah...one more thing. My name isn’t really Kylo Ren. It is an alias I have used for years, suggested by Snoke. My real name is Ben...Ben Solo.”

_____________________

Rey woke the next day and realized she was not alone. He wasn’t holding her, but Kylo? Ben? He was curled up at her back.

She shifted to look at him and saw that he was still asleep. She had missed seeing him like this. While he slept, his face softened and the hard lines he always carried eased. There was one still in his forehead like his brow wanted to furrow but was second guessing it. She reached out with her fingers to gently smooth it.

After the emotional conversation yesterday and his state afterward, she was sure he had another nightmare. Waves of warmth went through her that he sought her out for comfort.

She had moved her hand to his hair once the line was gone. She again wondered why it was so long. Now laying here, she saw that his ears were sticking out prominently. Ahhh...so that’s why.

She considered how that was a metaphor for all the hiding he did. Hiding his past, his family, his true identity, his feelings….and his ears. Yet, with all that, he had let her in and brought what he had been hiding to light.

He started to stir and stretch his limbs out. He felt her hand on his head and clasped it with his, pulling it down to his cheek.

“Bad dream?” she whispered.

He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Rey...I shouldn’t have come in here without asking you. I just couldn’t fall back asleep, and when you are there I can.”

“Please don’t apologize. It’s fine, and I am glad you feel safe with me. Thank you for trusting me yesterday.”

His eyes opened now. “How could anyone not trust you?”

She shrugged. “All the same, it’s just nice that you do.”

He just nodded again. “Hey...I have an idea of what we could do today.”

Rey smiled and wondered when they became a we, just because they wanted to and not because anyone was looking. “What’s that?”

“The zoo...I want to take you to the zoo.”

Excitement bubbled up in her. “Oooh...I haven’t been for a while. That sounds brilliant!”

He smiled at her excitement. “I would say we could go out to breakfast first, but it’s Sunday morning in New York. I’ll just go make some omelets, then we can go. Can you be ready to eat in 30 minutes?”

She squeezed his hand. “Yup...it’s a date.”

She really didn’t mean it like that, but at her last word, Kylo looked up with a spark in his eyes.

“See you then.” He left quickly, so she didn’t get to correct herself. But, then she shrugged. Would it really be so bad to go on a date with her husband?

She shivered a little bit at the thought.

__________________________

They had just left the gorilla exhibit and were heading to the large cats, in no hurry, her arm linked in his.

“So, what was your favorite animal to see here when you were a kid?”

“Black panthers. I did a report on them in elementary school. They are solitary whereas most of the other big cats are communal. The only other panthers they go around are their mate and their cubs. With that and their color, of course, I think I felt like they were a kindred spirit.”

“I think that is a good self-evaluation, in my professional opinion,” she teased.

He squeezed her arm. “How about you?”

“Mmmmm...oh...meerkats. I love the meerkats! And, the babies...they are so cute and smart.”

“They are. Are you getting hungry yet?”

A huge smile flashed across her face. “I am always hungry, Kylo.”


	15. Spaghetti Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dance lessons...dinner with the Storms...feels...

“Rey...don’t put your heel down.”

She stood back, exasperated. “I feel like Baby in Dirty Dancing. I’m never going to get this.”

“You can do this. Now, pay attention.” She could hear traces of frustration in his voice.

“Ok...again. This hand on my shoulder, this one in my hand. This hand goes on your waist, and this one takes this hand. Now, remember that the count is 8, but keep your eyes on mine. Don’t look down. I will make sure you do what you are supposed to. That’s my job.”

They start to move again, and she can’t help but look down after a stumble.

He let go of her hand and lifted her chin back up. “Eyes on me, Rey. Trust me to lead you where you need to go.”

“I trust you, Kylo," she said softly.

He looked into her eyes and relished the feel of her in his arms. He wished he knew how to bridge the gap between what they said this is, and what he was feeling now. He didn’t know how, though...so they danced.

___________________________

It was Saturday again and they were shopping for their dinner with Rose and Finn at Zabars.

Kylo was checking the list after adding the potatoes he had just picked out to the cart. “OK...we need to go back to the meat counter and get the ribeye. The cheese and butter are close by. Oooh...let’s get the fresh brussels sprouts too--we can roast them.”

She kept looking in the cart with trepidation. “Are you sure about this? We could just order in.”

He looked up at her and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Sweetheart, we are going to do it together.”

She rolled her eyes. “It may just be wise to acknowledge and accept where my skill set is lacking. I am comfortable enough to own up to that. I am not a cook.”

Now he rolled his eyes. “You just never learned...you need a teacher.”

She just raised an eyebrow at him. “You are probably going to regret this.”

He expertly spun the bag of brussels sprouts before tying it. “I doubt that.”

________________________

“I really don’t feel good about this, Kylo.” She held the chef’s knife out from her like it was diseased.”

He sighed. “Babe, you just need to…”

“Did you just call me ‘babe?’”

He ignored her, “...hold it properly. Now, the rules for a knife like this is to cut away from you, and keep your fingers out of the way.”

“Sure...that SOUNDS easy…”

“Here...take the potato, and instead of big motions, keep the tip in contact with the cutting board and just move the part closer to the base. That gives you better control.” He demonstrated, expertly cutting thin slices. “Now you try.”

She did, with dismal results.

“Woman...you are going to cut yourself! Here...like this.”

He stood behind her and caged her in. He put one hand over hers holding the potato and one on hers holding the knife. He gently guided her to move in small, even strokes.

“There...that is better. Isn’t it?” he asked. His voice sounded husky so close to her ear.

Rey’s pulse was thrumming in her ears. They had lots of physical contact, especially holding hands. But the sensation of his warm body hemming her in against the countertop, and the tickle of his breath against her ear as he talked….

Yeah...yeah that was better.

He moved back over to his cutting board, and she tried not to whine at the distance.

“So,” he started as he chopped the sprouts, “how long have you known these two?”

Ah, something new to focus on. Relief washed over her.

“I met Finn the first week of uni...I mean, undergrad. He was a business major, and I was psychology. But, he did intro to psych as his behavioral science for gen ed, and that is where we met. We became fast friends, and I wound up tutoring him.”

“He and Rose started dating our junior year, so that is when I met her. She is like the sister I never had. She and Finn have been amazingly supportive of me and the center. I would have given up a long time ago if not for them.”

“They sound like good people.”

She couldn’t stop the smile that split her face at the thought of them, “The best.”

She suddenly thought of her conversation with Maz. “You know...Maz suggested we get aligned on a few stories about our relationship. First, the proposal, but also a few key dates.”

“Ah...yes...proposals. Those are big deals, right?”

“Yes, but I already told someone that you proposed in Central Park. I mean, we went there after we got the ring, so it was the best I could do on short notice. It made it seem less like a lie.”

He seemed pensive. “Not quite the grand gesture, huh?”

“Kylo, I don’t think anyone who knows you would expect a fluffy proposal,” she snorted.

“You think I can’t be romantic?” his voice lowered an octave...challenging her.

“What?” She got a bit too close to her fingers. “No...that’s not what I meant…”

He was quiet for a minute before he started, “What if I proposed in Central Park because that is where we had our first date. What if I took you there because I wanted to ask you to be my wife in the exact spot where I realized I was losing my heart to you.”

She stopped chopping and looked up at him incredulously. He set his knife down and took a step towards her. “What if on that spot I had arranged for luminaries in a twenty-foot circle, with a candlelight dinner there in the middle. And I hired a violinist to serenade us while you danced in my arms in the moonlight.”

He got even closer to her and brushed the hair off her forehead. “And then, I sank to my knee and professed my love for you. For your snort laughs, for your beautiful giving heart, for your bad cooking, for your comforting arms, for your eyes that light up the world...all of it. And then I pulled out this ring,” he lifted her left hand up, “and asked you to be mine forever. What if?”

He still held her hand. Her head was spinning at what he had said. What if that had been their story, instead of a lie. Oh, the thought was beautiful and painful all at the same time.

“That would have been lovely...and very romantic.”

He broke the magic of the moment when he smiled and stepped back. ”And you doubted me…”

She laughed and looked down, realizing she had finished cutting all the potatoes. And, her fingers were all intact.

“Look! I did it!” Her face beamed as she spoke.

Kylo looked over and his breath hitched. This was getting harder. Especially when she looked at him like that. He almost kissed her just then.

He kept going through the paces of getting dinner ready. His concealment techniques were getting less and less effective, and he wondered what would happen when he couldn’t hide it anymore. He wondered if he even wanted to...or should.

________________________

“So then, she says, ‘No thank you, Ox. I’m really not interested.’ Then he really tried to impress her with his beer bong skills, but he had no idea that was no way to win our Rey-Rey’s heart.”

“Finn! Stop!”

“What...I think it’s good for your husband to know all the guys that chased after you. I mean, I know this isn’t that kind of marriage, but this way he can keep an eye out for your groupies.”

She rolled her eyes and play-slapped his arm. “That isn’t true.”

Finn looked at Kylo and pointed. “See...this is part of her charm. She had no awareness of how they felt about her, and that just made her more irresistible. I had to have a lot of heart-to-hearts with friends back then. Especially Poe…”

Rey winced at his name. “Finn…”

Kylo jumped in, interested. “What happened with him?”

Fin started, “Well, he was one of our best friends. We ran around together all the time, the three of us. He knew she and I were like siblings, so I think he thought someday he would get his chance. He played it cool and kept it on the down-low, but Rey doesn’t really pick up on subtle. Finally, one day he tried to bust a move and kiss her. She let him down in that sweet way of hers, and our days of being a trio were through.”

“Where is he now?”

“He’s a pilot...Delta Airlines, so he is based out of Atlanta. He’s engaged, finally. I never thought it would happen. A gal named Jessika.”

“Hmmm...so my wife was a heartbreaker, huh? That isn’t too hard to believe.”

Rey was blushing now. “Please...all of you...stop! I assure you, as my big brother, Finn has a biased opinion about what was happening.”

Rose finally spoke up. “He really doesn’t, but that’s OK. It’s what we all love about you, Rey-Rey. Your naivete about it all is part of what kept you sweet. I wonder, though, if any of those guys saw those pics of you at the gala. Wowza!”

Kylo picked up his wineglass with the sparkling grape juice he had got for tonight. “She was even more stunning in person.”

Rey blushed further. “OK...new topic. Finn, why don’t you tell Kylo about how you got into jiu-jitsu and established your dojo…”

_______________________

After they left, Kylo and Rey washed the dishes in companionable silence. He finally broke it.

“That was nice...I enjoyed having them. They are good people.”

“Yes,” she said wistfully, “they really are. They are my family.”

“I liked hearing about you in college.”

She sighed dramatically, “Yes...apparently I was the belle of the ball and never realized it.”

“Do you think you still do that? Not realize things, I mean?”

“Probably...I think it comes with being a dreamer and an optimist. I’m not always observant unless I am sitting down with a patient. That is different.”

Kylo got lost in his head a bit. He knew he was not a man of words but of action, and she didn’t pick up on subtle actions. He knew that for them to go anywhere else if he wanted to go anywhere else, it was on him to be more blatant.


	16. What's Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shift is coming...but this is not going to go the way you think...

The next night was the work party. He was waiting for her in the dining room, dressed in a tailored black suit and a white dress shirt. He was wearing a tie in a red brocade that had been a gift from the Chinese reps the last time they met.

“Rey!” he called down the hall. “Mitaka will be here in five minutes.”

“Coming!” she responded. Just a moment later, he heard her heels on the hardwood floor of the hallway.

His eyes popped wide. She was wearing a very yellow dress that on many other women might have been a bad idea, but on her, it was a very GOOD idea. It clung to her figure but covered her from neck to knee in canary lace and satin. Her heels were high, which means that the top of her head hit him at about ear level. The color made the gold tones in her eyes pop.

When she turned, he saw the expanse of her bare back. Suddenly he wanted very much to touch her skin exposed there. It actually hurt to think about, and it must have shown on his face.

She looked uncertain. “Is this ok? I mean...it seemed like a good idea at the store, but now it’s just a lot of color…”

He walked over and took a hand to bring it to his lips. “You look amazing. The color is perfect...my Chinese associates will love it.”

She pursed her red lips and cocked her head to the side. “If you say so, Kylo. I was feeling a little bit like Ronald McDonald.”

He just shook his head and said, “Not even possible. Though I am suddenly craving a Big Mac…”

She whacked him with her red clutch. “Shut up.”

__________________________

They arrived and he offered her his arm to escort her inside. Once they were back in the room for their private party, he introduced her to a few people from the office. She leaned down to hug Maz when she saw, her, and the woman murmured her approval at her dress in her ear.

He then took her to meet Mr. Zhang and Mr. Chen, the leaders of the Chinese businesses. She bowed and said hello in Mandarin. They grinned widely at that and bowed back.

“Mr. Ren, your wife very gracious and beautiful”

“Thank you, Zhang. I agree. Now if you excuse us, I am going to dance with her.”

He led her to the dance floor. She looked down at first until the low rumble of his voice demanded, “Rey...eyes on me.”

She swallowed and looked up. His espresso eyes were boring into hers. “My wife is very gracious and beautiful.’

She kept her face up but lowered her eyes at that. She just couldn’t look into his when he looked at her like that.

“That was a nice touch learning a greeting in Mandarin.”

She nodded.

“Rey...what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“Why don’t I believe you then?”

“I...it’s just....hard when you look at me like that.”

“Like how?”

“Like I’m really your wife and you mean all of this," she whispered, looking around to make sure no one heard.

His voice was low and gentle. “You are my wife, Rey...and I do mean that you are beautiful and kind, and all the other things I say. I don’t lie to you, Rey.”

“I mean when you make it seem like this isn’t pretend…”

He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “What if it wasn’t?”

Her eyes were huge when he drew back looked into them. They were searching his...pleading for him to say he was teasing her...except he wasn’t. Instead, he leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against hers. He pulled back up and looked at her again. He was just about back on his descent to her lips when he heard the one voice that could stop any romantic thoughts he had.

“Nephew...this must be your lovely wife. Rey...I am Luke.”

Rey’s head was swimming at what had just happened. She tried to gather her wits about her and remember what Maz had told her about him.

“Oh...hello! She extended her hand. “I have been looking forward to meeting you tonight.”

“Really,” he said with a smirk. “I have been looking forward to meeting you too. I mean, since I wasn’t invited to the wedding and all…”

“Luke,” Kylo’s voice warned, “the board’s demand moved our wedding up to a very small, very private affair instead of a social event. No one was there. Blame yourself for that.”

“Yes, well regardless, it is nice to meet my new niece. I understand you work in therapy dear?”

“Oh, yes...that is how I met Kylo. I mean...not therapy...I mean...he didn’t come to me for therapy, but as a donor.” She bit her lip and mentally chastised her poor communication. He made her a bit nervous, plus she was still loopy after that kiss and what he said.

“I see.”

She cleared her throat and steeled her mind. “I do art therapy with foster children in Harlem. We also do jiu-jitsu lessons for them. Kylo agreed to meet with me as a potential donor…”

She turned and looked into his eyes. His arm was around her shoulder and he gave her a gentle squeeze.

“...and the rest is history.”

“Indeed. I am pleasantly surprised that he managed to find someone so lovely that agreed to marry him. You two seem to be opposites, but apparently, it’s working for you.”

He clasped her hand warmly in both of his and said, “Welcome to our crazy family, Rey,” then leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“Ok, lovebirds. It’s time for dinner.” He motioned for them to follow him to the tables.

The rest of the night passed in a blur of making conversation and answering questions about their relationship.

____________________________

The car was quiet on the way back. They never had a moment alone all night. Rey’s feet hurt from dancing with Luke, Hux, and Mr. Zhang. Kylo just watched her like a hawk and then claimed her again as soon as the dances were through.

“C’mere for a minute, Rey...please,” he said when they got back up to the apartment. He led her to the living room and had her sit next to him on the couch. After she sat, he reached down and drew her legs up onto his lap. He slid off her shoes and started rubbing her feet.

“Your feet have to be so sore...I don’t know how you walk in those things let alone dance in them.”

“They are...but that feels really good. Thank you.”

He nodded.

“Rey...it’s been two months now. I am wondering how you are doing with all of this.”

“I...ah…” and she suddenly stopped and giggled. “I’m sorry, Kylo...the middle is a bit ticklish.”

“Huh? Oh...right. I’m sure the balls of your feet are the sorest anyhow. You were saying?”

“I am doing great. You have been very kind and generous. I mean, to live in this beautiful apartment, and have the clothes. I don’t worry about what I am going to eat…”

He winced at that. “Was that a concern before?”

She shrugged, a little embarrassed. “Let’s just say I ate a lot of ramen noodles. Anyway...your generous support for the center has been amazing. I am reaching more kids and expanding. I might need to look for a new location soon.”

He nodded. “That is all great...but how are you?”

“What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath. “Well, I for one feel confused. I know what this started out to be, but my feelings are changing and I am wondering if I am alone in that.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she swallowed hard.

“You see...if I am, alone that is, that feels a bit awkward over here. But...if I am not…”

“I’m afraid," she said so softly, he almost thought he imagined it.

“Don’t be afraid, Rey. I feel it too.”

“But what if we act on it and it doesn’t work out? How could we continue our arrangement? And, you said you didn’t want any entanglements.”

He reached out and caressed her cheek. “That is a lot of what if’s. Back then, that was just me talking scared, protecting my loneliness. If you were just someone I was meeting, that would be different. But you are my best friend. You know everything about me.”

Her eyes slid shut, leaning against his hand. It felt so warm...like home. But still, something was holding her back.

“Can I...can I have some time?”

“Of course. I mean...I am gone for two weeks, so for sure you can have that, but take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok.” she breathed.

“Well, I need to go to bed for that early flight." She sensed a trace of hurt in his voice.

They both stood to go and just waited there.

“Rey, can I kiss you goodbye?”

She nodded, moisture glistening in her eyes.

He slid one hand on the side of her neck, his thumb on her ear and his fingers clasped around the back. His other hand brushed her hair back before snaking them around her lower back. His hand finally grazed the bare skin there that he had been wanting to touch all night. He pulled her close, his lips at first just lightly brushing hers before he turned his head and applied more pressure. He didn’t open his mouth, but his large firm lips seemed to envelop hers all the same. She whimpered and wound her arms around his neck.

After what seemed like minutes but was likely just seconds, he drew back. “I’ll miss you, sweet Rey.”

“I...I will miss you too, Kylo.”

He tipped his forehead down to hers and rested it there. “Sweetheart...when it’s just us...do you think you could call me Ben?”

She knew that him wanting her to embrace his real name was a big step for him, and she wanted to honor that.

“Of course...I will miss you, Ben.”


	17. Torn Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time apart...and another major character makes an appearance!

He was gone before she got up in the morning. She couldn’t help feeling a bit sad about that, even though they had said their goodbyes last night.

And what a goodbye it was. Her fingers traced her lips, and shivers erupted down her spine just thinking about it again.

She got up and got ready for work. Rose would be in, and they would be alone for a while. She was glad because she really needed to talk to her.

She dressed quickly in her jeans and tunic she wore when she went to surprise him at work. That outfit made her think of him and it comforted her. She added the Kintsugi heart necklace too.

Before she left, she wandered down to his room. It had a similar color scheme to the rest of the apartment, except the neutral colors were balanced with navy blue. He was so neat and orderly. She wandered into his closet and buried her face in his clothes. She was looking for the smell of him. It was there a bit, but since they were clean clothes, not much.

She went in the bathroom, and then she caught it...the Kylo smell...the Ben smell. It was part cologne, part soap and liberal portions of him. His robe on the back of the door smelled more like him.

She turned to his sink vanity and saw a picture tucked in there. It was a candid shot from the wedding of her smiling at him with her mouth open a little...probably mid-laugh, and the back of his head. She wondered how long he had that in here...and why.

She remembered that he had left a bag from the photographer on the table. He had told her there was one for her to take to work.

She went back out to the main living space and found the bag. She pulled out a large Tiffany box. Inside was a heavy silver frame with a spot to engrave their names and date. The picture was already inside. They were up against the railing of the balcony with the spring foliage of the park behind them.

Her smile was natural, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. His face was serious with just the hint of a grin lurking.

She put the box in her work back and left to meet Mitaka.

___________________________

Rose was already there when she got in. An accident had led to typical New York traffic. She breezed in and rushed to Rose’s office. She sat down with a huff in her guest chair.

“I think I might be in love with my husband” she gushed.

Rose turned to her and deadpanned, “You think?”

“Stop Rose. This is bad. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I know, love...but if it’s any consolation, he is completely smitten with you.”

“How...how do you know?” she stuttered.

“Well, for starters, when he came here to talk to the kids. I mean, he came...he didn’t have to. But the ways he was talking about you, and how he answered that last question from Jamal in particular...I just knew. But, if I had any doubts, the fact that he couldn’t rip his eyes from you all night when we came over, and the way he looked at you, sealed the deal for me.”

“Last night we talked...before he left. He wants this to be more. He said his feelings are changing and he’s not interested in the no romantic entanglement thing anymore.”

“Wow...not really a declaration of love, but…”

“Then he kissed me.”

Rose nodded and smiled, “Now you’re talking! So how did you leave things?”

“With him giving me time to think about it.”

“So Rey-Rey...I am a bit confused. A few weeks ago you came to me moaning about how you liked him and wondering how to tell if he did, now he tells you he does and you have to think about it? What is going on?”

Rey bit her lip and willed the tears she felt building up not to fall. “I mean, Rose...what if it doesn’t work out, and we still have three years to live out this farce, except now it’s really awkward.”

“I kind of think the ship has sailed on the awkward thing…”

Rey was blinking back tears now. “I...I just don’t know what I’d do if he left me too. If things stay the way they are now, I at least have him for three years. What if they go so badly he ends things early. I couldn’t bear to be without him now.”

Rose came around and sat on the chair next to her, wrapping her arm around her. “It’s true that is a risk. What you said could happen-- it could actually happen. But Rey...it is much more likely, more probable that you love each other and then you never ever have to be alone. Wouldn’t that be better than having to say goodbye in three years? Is that worth taking the risk for?”

At that thought, the tears really fell. “What should I do?” she sobbed.

Rose smoothed her hair behind her ear. “I think we both know what you should do. The question is, will you be brave enough to do it?”

_________________________

When she got home that night, she noticed she had a text from him.

B: Just landed in Beijing. In the car en route to the hotel. Did you remember to eat?

R: Glad you landed safely. Had dinner with Rose.

B: Good...happy you aren’t alone. Goodnight, Sweetheart.

She fingered the necklace and thought about it.

She realized that she needed to do something productive to get through the next few weeks without moping. She remembered that he told her she could use the rooms across the hallway. She went to look at them and liked the double view the one on the end had. She knew it would have good natural light, so it would be perfect for a studio.

She made a list of the items she would need to get and texted Mitaka to see if he could take her to the art store before work tomorrow.

Painting always helped her work through her emotions...and she knew a little art therapy on herself is just what she needed.

___________________________

Mitaka got her to the art store at 10:00 sharp, right when it opened. She found a sturdy full-sized wood easel, a set of brushes, the acrylic and oil paints she preferred, some canvases, a natural light lamp, and a small rolling supply cabinet with a work surface on top. She threw in a stool chair and a heavy canvas tarp for the floor.

It all fit in the large trunk of the town car, and Mitaka promised to hold it all for her till after work.

She left as soon as her class was over, excited about her project. The late afternoon sun coming in the windows was perfect. The morning sun would be better, but it at least confirmed her room choice. She started situating all her supplied in the cabinet and spread out the canvas. Once that was done, she placed the easel, stool, and cabinet all on it. She leaned the empty canvases up against the wall. Eventually shelves would be nice too, but for now, this was perfect.

She woke up inspired. There was something so satisfying to her about squeezing out paint in a methodical pattern on her palette. As she looked outside, she let her imagination run wild about what to paint.

In the end, she decided on the beach view at the estate in South Hampton. That allowed her to rewind back to the near beginning of all of this. She scrolled through her phone and found a few shots she had taken.

As she started with the sky, she remembered having to share a bed with him there. There was a friendship intimacy that brought that she had missed since being back. Them each being in their own space didn’t allow for some of those conversations that are easier in the dark.

She realized that is where she first felt like she got to know him beyond the mask he usually has on. But, after that first heart to heart about his past, she didn’t feel like he ever put that mask back on with her. She knew he trusted her, which giving his past, meant an awful lot.

She thought about how caring and tender he always was with her. Even though she came from nothing, she felt like he viewed her as his equal. That was ridiculous to her...but it was true.

She thought about the night after the Met Gala, how he stayed up so late to help get those stupid crystals off. The zoo, the breakfasts he’s made, the dinners he insisted she eat, the cooking and dance lessons...

She started to see that Ben had been telling her he cared with his actions for months. He always says he is a man of action, not words, and his actions had been shouting things to her that she wasn’t picking up on.

She giggled, realizing Finn was right--she was oblivious to those things.

But, was she oblivious, or was she protecting her heart by refusing to see them.

She suspected it was the latter, and she just wasn’t sure what to do about it.

__________________________________

The next day, after she got back on her phone when she left the center, she saw that she had a voice message from an unknown number. A private number.

“Hello, Rey. I hope you don’t mind me calling. Luke told me about you, and I hounded Maz for your number. This is Leia, Ben...I mean, Kylo’s mom. I would really like to meet you. I was wondering if you are free for lunch on Saturday? You can call or text me back at…”

Rey’s heart lurched. She really wanted to meet Ben’s mom...but she thought he might be upset about that. With where he was, she suspected he would be ready to talk to her again soon, but she didn’t want to throw a wrench in that if he got suspicious about her meeting with Leia.

She actually thought it was the missing piece he needed, to reconnect with his family. Maybe if she was able to connect with Leia, she could help that happen.

She texted him, not sure what time it was in China. She knew he turned off notifications at night, so he would see if when he got up.

R: Can you call me when you are up? I need to talk to you.

Her phone rang at 6:00, right as she was getting ready to eat dinner.

“Hello?”

“Rey..are you alright?”

“Oh...sure I am OK. I’m sorry to worry you. I just needed to talk to you. How is the trip going so far?”

“It’s good. Lots of meetings, and weird food, but I’ve been here before, so no big surprises.”

“That’s good. And the deal is progressing along?”

“Yes. There have been a few hiccups, but that is to be expected. We expect to move forward with finalizing the sale today or tomorrow, then start to tour around the warehouses across the country. But...I know you didn’t want me to call to talk about all that. What’s up?”

She sighed, “That is true.” She decided to just say it. “Leia called me. Well, she left a message and wants me to call her.”

“Oh.” He was quiet for about thirty seconds. “Did she say what she wants?”

“She wants to meet me...to have lunch.”

“Wha...what did you say?”

“I haven’t called her back yet, Ben. I wanted to talk to you first.”

Another long pause. “Well, thank you for asking me first. What do you want to do?”

“I would like to meet her, but I won’t if you would rather I not,” she said softly.

He sighed. She could tell from the type it was he was also probably running his hand through his hair. “If you want to, I think you should. I mean, you have already met Luke. He is the worse one of the two.”

“Ben, when was the last time you saw her?”

“At….” his voice caught and he was quiet again. Finally, he said, “Dad’s funeral.”

“OK. I will meet her. Do you want me to tell you how it goes? She wants to meet Saturday.”

“Yes please,” he says, his voice tight.

“Ben...are you going to have a bad dream tonight?”

“Probably.”

“I wish I was there with you.”

“Me too,” he breathed out.

“It’s not the same, but if you do, I want you to rub your wedding ring. When you touch it, I want you to pretend like it encircling your finger is the same as my arms around you. I want you to use it to picture that, OK? Can you do that for me?”

“I’ll try, Rey. I’ll try.”

_____________________________

She met Leia at Per Se at noon sharp. She was escorted to a table where the older woman was already seated. She stood as Rey approached and reached out her hands to take hers.

“Rey...thank you so much for meeting me. Luke was right...you are lovely.’

“Thank you, Leia. It is nice to meet you. I see where Ben gets his eyes from.”

They sit down. Leia’s gravely voice asked, “Is that what you call him?”

Rey decided that as honest as she could be under the circumstances would be best. “It is. He just recently asked me to.”

Leia nodded. “Your accent...where are you from?”

”Thank you,” she said to the waiter pouring her water. “I am from London. I moved to the US for school and never left.”

“Oh, how nice. Did you enjoy it there?”

The waiter interrupted to get their drink order and see if they had questions. They were both ready to order, so they did so to avoid further interruptions.

“Leia, to answer your question, no. I am the orphan of alcoholics that grew up in the foster system. London holds nothing but bad memories for me, unfortunately. It is a lovely city. Maybe someday I can go back and enjoy it for what it is.”

Leia leaned over and put her hand over Rey’s. “I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. So, this is the inspiration for the work you do? Luke told me about your center?”

She nodded. “It was hard...but I have been able to turn that pain into purpose and help the kids the Lord brings my way. What about you? What do you do?”

“Oh, I am retired now, but I lived a life in politics. I was a state senator for years, then served two terms in the US Senate. I’m afraid most of that was during Ben’s growing up years. I thought I was changing the world, and though I left my mark. In the end, I found I wasn’t as indispensable as I thought. I regret that it pulled me away from him when he really needed me. I didn’t realize how bad it was until it was too late.”

“Does Ben know that?”

“I haven’t had a conversation with my son in years. Maybe someday we will.”

“I believe that, Leia.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears! I hope it will be so, but I can’t force it. For now, I am happy to get to know my beautiful daughter-in-law. I thought I would never have that, so I am pretty excited.”

Rey quipped back, “Well, I’ve never had a mother-in-law, so I am excited too!”

_______________________

When she got back to the apartment, she reflected back on the time with Leia. She could see the pain in her eyes and hear it in her voice, but she also sensed hope. She prayed that there would be a chance for reconciliation and wondered at her part in it.

She also looked at the emerald ring that now resided on her right-hand ring finger. The antique Edwardian design had a larger center stone with four smaller emeralds on each of the four sides. The background was a lacy collection of tiny diamonds, all housed on an oval-shaped face. She had said it belonged to her mother, and she wanted Ben’s wife to have it.

Ben had texted her and said he would call her at 7:00. She had a few hours, so she changed into work clothes and went into her studio.

She was ready to start something new since the beach scene was done. She thought of the paintings of Merritt Chase she saw at the Parrish Art Museum. There was one with a mother and daughter in a park caught her eye. The impressionist style meant the features were not distinct. She had an inspiration strike, and she got busy starting with the skyline of the park.

________________________________

“Hey sweetheart, how are you?”

“I am good. Ben, you sound chipper. What’s going on?”

“Well, things here are going very well. We started the tour of the warehouses. We have five more days of this before wrapping up business in Beijing before we leave next Saturday.”

“Great! I am glad to hear it is going well.”

“Yeah...it is. Hey, weird question...can you send me your measurements?”

“My what?”

“Well, there is something here I want to get you, but the sizes here are different. If you send me your measurements, the lady said she can help me better.”

“Oh...sure.” She shifted in her seat. Sending him her bust, waist and hip measurements suddenly felt very personal.

“OK...that is all I wanted to share with you. How did it go today.”

“It was good...really good. She just wanted to get to know me. Luke had talked to her about me, but she wanted to talk to me about where I’m from, what I do, what she did…”

“Oh..that sounds safe. Did she try to get you to talk to me about talking to her?” His tone shifted and he sounded nervous.

“No...actually, she seems resigned that you won’t. She regrets not being around more, and not seeing how bad things got for you before she realized.”

“I’m sure she does.” His voice had a hard edge to it now. She decided to pull back.

“But she’s not trying to pull you in, Ben. I think she feels like if she can connect to me she still has a link to you. I can tell she misses you, but she won’t push. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“OK.” He sounded a little relieved.

“Also, she gave me a ring that belonged to your grandmother.”

His voice softened at the mention of her. “Grandma Padme’s? Which one?”

“It’s an antique emerald ring?”

She heard him release a deep breath. “I know that one...I’m glad she gave you something of hers.”

He did the running-his-hands-through-his-hair sigh. “It’s just hard for me, Rey. Part of me is still that hurt little boy, and part of me is the guilty man. It makes it hard to think about seeing her again. She hurt me, but I am responsible for the loss of her parents and her husband. I don’t even know why she would want to see me.”

“I know, and those feelings are all valid. I can’t tell you what to do, What I can tell you is the woman I met today still loves her son, in spite of it all, and she would view any contact from you as a miracle from God.”

He was quiet again before finally saying, “Rey...thank you for going today and for telling me. We can talk more about it when I get home.”

“Sure we can. I’ll be here. What time do you get in Saturday?”

“7:00. By the time I get through customs, I should be home around 9 or 9:30. Not too late.”

“Ok.”

“After today, we are in more rural areas. I might not get reception, so I may not be able to call again.”

“That’s OK, Ben. I understand. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Sweetheart.”

After she got off the phone, she realized she had a text message from Leia.

L: Thank you for meeting with me today, Rey. I am so grateful. You are so kind-hearted and I know you are so good for Benny. I can’t help thinking about how wonderful it is that two lonely hearts who got left by everyone else found each other. Thank you for loving him, Rey. We’ll talk soon.”

Rey re-read Leia’s words, and suddenly the worries she had about her and Ben started to melt. He had been abandoned by everyone too. He understood, not exactly but in the ballpark, what she felt. And, he was willing to put himself on a limb for her.

She didn’t need to worry about him leaving her someday...he probably worried about the same thing. She felt a flutter in her heart. Had she finally found someone she could trust?

She decided that it was worth the try. Truly, there was nothing to lose if she didn’t have him at all, and there was only the world to gain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inspiration for Padme’s ring, except with emeralds. Why? Because I like them! http://www.langantiques.com/university/Edwardian_Jewelry:_1901-1915#mediaviewer/File:Edwardian_Ring.jpg


	18. Return of the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey decides to surprise Ben at the airport and declare her love to him...but things don't go as planned...

Rey passed the rest of the week quietly. She worked on her latest piece and started a few others, spent time at the center, and made sure she ate. Part of her wanted to contact him, and part of her wanted to soak in what she was feeling a bit more. A little voice told her she needed to make sure it was real.

On Thursday, she decided that she wanted to go with Mitaka to the airport to get him. She wanted to surprise him. She imagined him getting off the plane and coming down the escalators to baggage claim. He would lift her eyes and see her there, disbelief and passion stirring. By the time he came down, she would fling herself in his arms and kiss him like she meant it. They would come home, and….

...well, it did not go the way she thought.

She stood at the bottom of those escalators she envisioned. She did see him coming down, but instead of meeting her gaze with the smoldering fires of passion, he was swaying on his feet.

A spark of panic stirred in her. Was he drunk?

When he got to the bottom, he stumbled. Rey ran over to him and grabbed his arms to steady him. He looked up at her, his eyes glassy. He had beads of sweat on his brow and upper lip.

“Rey?” He croaked out. Then his eyes rolled back and he hit the floor.

In alarm, she brushed the hair off his face that had fallen in his eye and felt it...how HOT he was.

He wasn’t drunk...he was sick. Really sick.

She looked up and saw Mitaka at her side. “Please, Mitaka. Call someone. He is sick.”

She sat there in fear, taking in his pale countenance and praying over him as the busy travelers of JFK buzzed past them, oblivious to his peril. A few minutes later, an airport employee came over and softly told her he had called for the paramedics. She nodded, grateful for the comforting hand this man named Hezekiah placed on her arm. Soon after, the paramedics came.

“Ma’am...are you related?” Hezekiah’s soft eyes continued to speak comfort to her.

“He’s...he’s my husband. He is just returning from a trip to China.”

Hezekiah’s large arm wrapped around her protectively as he relayed information to the paramedics. They got Ben up on a gurney and then he guided her to follow them.

They took him through a side door and down a ramp to the ambulance waiting on the tarmac.

“OK, Mrs. Ren...you they are going to take care of him. Is there anyone I can call for you? You can ride to the hospital with him.”

“Umm...let me think...the man that was there...the driver? Mr. Mitaka? He will know who to contact.” She turned and hugged the big man, and somehow his size added to the peace he gave her.

“OK...you run along now. I will find Mr. Mitaka. I will make sure he gets his luggage too. And Mrs. Ren...I will be praying for him. I’m tight with the big man upstairs, and I think he’s going to be OK. You believe that...OK?”

She nodded and hugged him again. As soon as she got in the ambulance, they handed her a mask.

“Ma’am...this is just a precaution,” the medic explained. “Because of where Mr. Ren has been, we need to use protective gear until he gets checked out. Also, please use this gel on your hands for now and wash your hands once you are at the hospital.”

She nodded numbly, doing as he asked. She looked back at Ben, and he looked so pale. He had started moaning, and the sound stabbed her heart.

What was wrong with him? It looked bad.

She squelched the thoughts that would only lead to anxiety and fear. She was well acquainted with them and knew they offered her nothing good. Instead, she focused on Hezekiah’s words. And she prayed. She prayed for Ben, and she prayed she wasn’t too late to tell him how she really felt.

___________________________

Once at the hospital, the staff insisted she stay in his room. And, it was an isolated clean room that limited staff had access to. Until they could identify what was wrong with him, they didn’t want her in the waiting room.

They poked and prodded him. They inserted an IV and attached him to monitors that were now beeping in a steady staccato. His blood pressure was low, his white blood count was high. Fever of 105.4.

All these facts she heard, but what did it mean? What was wrong with Ben?

Her Ben?

Fear clutched at her, calling her into the dark abyss. She clung to hope...clung to the light.

_____________________________

“Mrs. Ren? I am Dr. Ackbar, attending physician for your husband. He obviously is very sick. We have run many tests, and he is testing positive for H5N1 Influenza, or bird flu. It can be very serious. He is a big strong man, so we have hope he recovers well, but I cannot overstate how serious it is. There is a 60% fatality rate with this virus.”

“He was feverish and dehydrated. Right now, we are hydrating him and giving him meds to draw the fever down, which should ease his discomfort. We are also giving him antivirals to help. The danger zone is around days five and six when pneumonia symptoms can occur. Since we don’t know how long he has been symptomatic, we will assume that could take place anytime in the next five to six days.”

He stopped and laid a consoling hand on her shoulder.

“Also, Mrs. Ren...human to human infection is rare but possible. I’m afraid you will have to stay here in quarantine for eight days, which is the end of the incubation period. We can’t risk you leaving and possibly contaminating others. We can set you up in your own room, or we can bring a bed and chair in here for you.”

The tears were flowing down her face now, and fear was scraping its talon across her resolve. “Please...I want to stay here with him.”

“Very well. I will have that set up for you. Mrs. Ren…”

“Please, call me Rey.”

He looked her in the eye. “Rey, he is at one of the best medical facilities in the country. We will do everything we can to bring him to full recovery. I promise you that.”

She reached up to the hand that was still on her shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Thank you, Dr. Ackbar. I know you will.”

He nodded at her and left to give more instructions to the nurse. He also called facilities to bring in some furniture for her.

Rey went the corner and called Maz. She crumpled in tears explaining to her what had happened. Maz spoke to her in soothing tones, telling her she would take care of everything.

Finally, after the medical staff had left and she walked over to his bed. He looked so deathly pale on the white hospital bed. She took in the tubes and wires that were attached to him all over, and the beeping sounds of the monitors.

She reached up and brushed his hair off his face and leaned down to whisper, “I’m sorry I waited so long...and now I might not have the chance….please, please don’t leave me, Ben.”

____________________________

Rey slept fitfully. Partially due to the anxiety roiling in her gut, and partially due to the constant parade of staff filing in to attend Ben. He was still unconscious. The nurse that saw her awake and looking explained they were sedating him to keep him comfortable.

“You can talk to him though, Ma’am. We think he can still hear you. It’s good for patients to remember why they need to fight hard.”

Another staff member brought her breakfast. She tried to eat and got a few bites down. She knew she needed to be careful and stay healthy, so she choked down a few more, then turned to the large water bottle someone had brought her and downed a good portion of that.

A little while after breakfast, yet another nurse brought her a bag with Bergdorf’s logo on the side. There was a note on the top.

“I heard about Mr. Ren and wanted you to know that the two of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I took the liberty of sending a few items for you to be more comfortable--I heard you can’t leave the hospital for a while. I hope they help you get through these hard days. Blessings, Sabine.”

Rey looked inside and found several sets of lounge pants and long-sleeved shirts in the softest, stretchiest fabric she had ever felt. In the bottom was another bra, eight pairs of undies and a pair of cushy slippers. A plush robe next. On the very bottom was a little bag with a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body gel, and deodorant.

Rey looked at all the items on her bed and just sobbed at what Sabine had been for her in adjusting to this crazy new life she found herself in. She was the first one besides Maz who had shown her kindness in Ren’s world.

She shook her head and took clean clothes with her to the bathroom. A shower was just what she needed, then she could wrap herself in her new cozy things.

After she was clean and comfortable, she sat next to his bed. She thought he looked a little less pale, and it gave her hope. She reached out and took his hand in both of hers. In spite of his fever, it felt so cold. It was so different from how it always felt, so warm and full of strong life.

“Don’t worry, Ben...it’s my turn to take care of you. I will keep you warm now.”

________________________

The next day, Rey was reading a book that was in a care package Maz had sent and was snacking on a yummy protein bar. Maz had included a note to eat one of them a day, no questions asked. She knew the woman would know if she didn’t like she knew everything else, so she obeyed. She had also sent a new iPad and gave her instructions about how to connect to the mobile plan it was on. Suddenly her stay got a little easier to get through.

She looked up to rest her eyes and was stunned to see Leia’s face looking back at her through the window.

She pushed on the button of the intercom to the outside room to talk to her. “Leia! I was going to call you today. How did you know?”

“Maz,” she replied. “Maz is an old friend. She told me the day it happened, and I almost came then, but I wasn’t sure if I would be welcome and I didn’t want to upset him while he was trying to recover. But, I couldn’t stay away anymore. I had to see with my own eyes if he was OK.”

Rey held her gaze with tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Leia.”

She was blinking back tears herself. “How is he?’

Rey wiped her eyes. “He is stable. They are keeping him sedated. He’s on medication for his fever and antivirals to try to knock the virus down. His coloring is better today. He is under pneumonia watch through Thursday. It’s really serious.”

“And how are you?”

“I am OK. Health-wise, I am fine, but it can take up to eight days to present, so I have to stay here until then. But Leia...I...I am scared.”

Leia nodded. “I know what it is like to sit next to the hospital bed of the man you love. I wish I could be in there with you and at least give you a hug. I left a bag with the nurse. A few things for you, and some things for Ben when he is awake and feeling better.”

“Thank you, Leia. I appreciate it. Do you...do you have to go? Could you stay here for a bit and keep talking to me?”

“Of course, sweetie. What would you like to talk about?”

“Something hopeful and fun. How about stories about Ben when he was young?”

Leia smiled. “Oh yes, let me see which one to start with? Well, when Ben was three, he went through a stage when he always liked to run around naked. Along with that, he also liked the pee outside. So one day we were on a play date in Central Park with the Rabbi’s wife and daughter, and of course, he drops all his clothes when I wasn’t looking…”

___________________________

Two days later, Dr. Ackbar came back to talk to her.

“Hi Rey. So far, Ben is not worsening, but he’s not improving either. That is expected. However, because of the pneumonia threat, I want to try to bring him out of sedation. We have his body pretty regulated with the meds, so I think he will be as comfortable as possible. Your results all look good. You aren’t out of the woods yet, but I feel good about you not contracting. You have been taking your preventative anti-virals?”

She nodded.

“Good girl. OK...the nurse will be along to turn down his sedation meds soon. I think he should be awake within a few hours after that. Do you have any questions?”

She shook her head. “No...I think I’m ok. Thank you, doctor.”

He patted her arm reassuringly and left.

She went over to Ben and caressed his cheek. “It looks like I will be able to talk to you soon, love. We have much to talk about. Keep fighting, Ben. I need you to keep fighting.”

_____________________________

Rey set the book down she had been reading. Being here at the hospital, and not getting a lot of sleep through the night, she had taken to having a nap in the afternoons. She was drifting down into a delicious slumber when she heard…

“Rey.” His voice was cracked and gravely.

She scurried off the bed and went to his side.

His eyes were closed, but his eyelids were fluttering like they were struggling to open. They made it, but only halfway

“Where am I?”

She grasped his hand in hers and clasped it to her chest. “Ben, love...you are in the hospital. You contracted the bird flu in China. You are recovering here at Mount Sinai Hospital.”

He groaned. “Yeah...I started not feeling well the day before we left...I thought it was just a cold or flu bug.”

“Well, you were right...it was just a really BIG bug.”

He nodded slightly. “I feel better, though...it’s not as bad…”

She snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure you do. They have you hopped up on all kinds of meds to bring down your fever and knock the virus out.”

His eyes opened in a panic. “You...you shouldn’t be here. You could get it…”

She reached down and brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Too late...I am here in quarantine for four more days. They are giving me preventative meds, though...and so far I am fine. The doctors tell me it doesn’t usually spread human to human, so this is just a precaution.”

“How did I get it, then?”

“They say direct contact with a bird, or their bodily fluids...eggs, urine, spit…”

“Crap…”

“Yeah...that could do it too.”

“No...I mean two days before I got sick, I was served this weird dish in one of the small towns. I try to never say no without trying it, but later someone told me it was made from bird spit.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Yup...that would do it. Bird flu aside...how could you eat that?”

He winced. “I will have to be a less adventurous eater in the future. Can...can I have a drink?”

His request seemed to jolt her. “Oh...oh, I need to call the nurse. I was supposed to do that when you woke up. We can ask her if that’s OK.”

She called and the charge nurse came immediately. She raised the head of his bed up a bit and gave Rey instructions about how much water to give him at what times and in what increments.

She left and Rey got his hospital bottle with a straw and held it to his lips. “You heard her...just sips.”

He obediently sucked up a small amount, then sat back and sighed. “That tastes really good.”

Then he turned to look at her. “So what have you been doing in here the last four days?”

“Well, we can’t really have visitors, so it’s been lonely. Maz sent me some snacks, a few books, and an iPad. I loaded an art app on it, so I’ve been fiddling around with that. I have some ideas for more paintings when I get home…”

He shifted a bit so he could see her better. “More paintings? Were you doing that while I was gone?”

She bit her lip, wondering what he would think about what she had been working on. She nodded. “I set up the room at the end of the hall as a studio. It has great light, and it gave me something to do in the quiet house.”

He gave her a weak smile. “Good...I can’t wait to see.”

She smiled and went on. “Sabine sent me some clothes and toiletries. It was so sweet. The next morning after we were admitted a big bag was delivered with a sweet note from her.”

“She’s a very nice lady. Genuine. That is why I always choose to work with her.”

She nodded. “She told me she’s praying for you.” He smiled again at that. “Ben...also, your mom came by.”

She watched his face. At first, it froze in anxiety, but then a vulnerability broke out across it. The genuine want of a little boy for his mom seemed to call out. “Really? Why?”

“Maz told her we were here…”

“That busybody. I should fire her.”

She play-smacked his arm.

“Ouch? Rey...you cruel woman. Why would you hit a man on his deathbed.”

“You will do no such thing to that sweet woman who looks after you. She probably actually deserves a raise.”

“Probably…” he muttered.

“Anyhow...Leia was worried. She came and spent some time with me, talking with me through the intercom.”

“What did you talk about?”

Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Well...that is private between her and I. But there may or may not have been stories...about you...something about naked in the park?”

He groaned…”Maz is definitely getting fired.”

She laughed, a lovely, tinkling sound that soothed his pretend ire.

“She brought you some things.”

She stood and brought a bag over. Inside she pulled out a box of Ding-Dongs, Slim-Jims, a bag of Chicago style popcorn, and a six-pack of Cactus Cooler.

He smiled, in spite of himself. “It’s like my adolescence all over again. These are all my favorite junk food items.”

“Really? I can’t imagine you eating this stuff.” She looked out over the items, and tears pricked at her eyes. “She was worried about you, Ben. We all were. More than half of the people who get this die.”

He reached out a weak hand and took hers tremoring there on his bed. “Never tell me the odds.”

She chuckled, but they lifted her eyes to his. “I thought I was going to lose you, Ben...before I got the chance to tell you…”

“Shhhhhh...I’m not going anywhere. We can talk about that when I’m not so sleepy and am more coherent. I’m not leaving you, Rey...not ever.”

He already fell back asleep.

Her eyes slid shut, and the hot tears rolled down her cheeks as his hand...now warm...held hers. She rubbed her thumb on his wrist, and he felt so alive. A long way to go, but alive. And for now, that was enough.

____________________________

Ben drifted between wakefulness and sleep often over the next few days. He was getting stronger, and Dr. Ackbar was convinced he had turned a corner.

On Rey’s last day, he was finally awake more than he was asleep. A nurse had found an old Monopoly game that they played. Ben won, of course. She didn’t really have much instinct when it came to money and the right risks to take with properties.

With his wakefulness and strength improving, they removed his catheter and he was allowed to use the restroom with a nurse’s watch. He was also doing well with his liquids and was able to eat soft foods, so his IV was removed. He even got to shower.

That night, they decided to watch a movie from a modest collection that Maz dropped off.

“Ok...so Lord of the Rings…”

“...or My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”

With a grimace, he said, “You choose.”

She could tell he thought she would pick the chick flick. She smiled and popped the Tolkien story in the player.

She sat in the chair next to his bed. She noticed he was watching her.

“You are too good to me,” he whispered. He slid over and patted the space he made. “Come...watch up here with me.”

She smiled and carefully slid in next to him, his arm behind her neck. “We are going to get caught.”

He kissed the top of her head as they hunkered down to watch. “I don’t care.”

__________________________

Three days later, Ben as released. He was still on a modified diet but otherwise had recovered well enough to continue at home. His fever had mostly abated and just appeared randomly and at a low grade. He needed to be watched, but Rey had made arrangements. Kaydel and Rose were manning the fort at the center, so Rey only had to focus on Ben.

Mitaka came to help her collect him and helped her get him up to the apartment. He was better, but exertions like that still winded him. They settled him on the couch, and she went to heat up his favorite soup from the deli down the street. She had found TV trays in the coat closet and set up his soup, water, and soft bread with butter there.

“You take good care of me, wife.”

“I can only imagine that you would do the same, Ben,” she said shyly.

After eating, she snuggled down next to him as they watched The Two Towers. They both fell asleep about halfway through.

She woke up to the credits. It was 8:00. Early, but Ben was still tired a lot and she decided it was bedtime for him.

She nudged him. “C’mon, sleepyhead. It’s time for bed.”

He moaned. “No...please. I cannot relax and rest well until I get the hospital smell off of me. I need a shower.”

She looked down at him and bit her lip. “I don’t know, Ben...you still are weak…”

“Please,” he pled.

“Ok...I will get you in there and get your clean clothes. If you need me, promise me you will call.”

He nodded and winced as he stood.

He walked slow, but on his own back to his room. He directed her to his drawers that held his underwear and sleeping pants. That is all he wanted.

She dropped them on the counter closest to the shower, then turned to start the water for him.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

He nodded and still looked sleepy. “Can you...can you help me get my shirt off?”

She reached down to the hem of his pullover and pulled it up and over his head. She turned back to him and tried not to look too aghast at his form. He had lost so much weight in the last two weeks. His frame was still large, but now it looked thin and fragile at the same time.

“Oh...Ben…” she started and swallowed the rest.

“I’m OK, Rey. Really. You can go now. I’ll call you when I’m done and dressed.”

She sat on the bed and waited for him. She heard the splatters of a body in the water splashing against the glass walls of the shower. After a fairly short amount of time, she heard the water shut off and the door open. She didn’t hear any missteps or groans indicating anything went awry. She heard the toilet flush and the water at the sink. Relief coursed through her when she heard him call, “Rey...I’m done.”

He was brushing his teeth when she came back in. He actually looked better. She could tell the refreshment from getting clean was a boon to him.

She walked with him back to the bed. He got settled, propped up on the pillows. He decided that the shower and teeth brushing woke him up a bit, and he wanted the TV on.

She watched him for a minute, before blurting out, “I’m going to sleep in here.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes taking on that melted chocolate look. “Sweetheart, not that I don’t want you in my bed, but you don’t need to.”

“If I’m over there, I am going to hear every little noise all night and worry it’s you. I will sleep better in here, knowing I can see you.”

“OK,” he said softly.

“OK,” she repeated.

She went down to her room and got ready for bed quickly. In spite of that, he was asleep when she got back. She gently removed the remote from his hand and pulled the blankets over his body, then curled up next to him.

As she fell asleep, her mind roamed over the last few weeks. She knew she loved him. She knew that he wasn’t going to go anywhere and leave her. And, she was pretty sure he loved her too.

For the first time in a month, she really slept.


	19. Someone to Watch Over Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end...more healing...more cuddles...

Ben was under doctor’s orders to stay home from work for two weeks after his release from the hospital. The first week he did OK with that. By the second week, though, he was feeling almost normal and was starting to go stir crazy.

He finally remembered to give her the gifts he brought her. There was a crimson silk dress, several boxes of tea, and a beautiful set of Chinese Cloisonne jewelry. She was intrigued by a beautiful wall hanging with large characters she didn’t understand and Chinese knots made with silk yarn on the top and on the bottom.

“What does it say?” she asked.

“It says, ‘beauty, grace, and strength.’ It reminded me of you.”

She kissed his cheek and decided to hang it in her studio.

“That’s right...I wanted to see what you have been working on in there. We can go hang it...then maybe you can show me what you have been doing in there?” His eyes looked uncertain.

She nodded. She had five pieces she had been working on. Just that one she was nervous about…

He walked in and smiled at the small changes she had made.

“We can change the floor in here if you want. And paint the walls...I want you to make this space yours.”

She nodded. “Maybe eventually. I like it like this for now. It’s kind of a blank canvas, which is working for me.”

“May I see what you have been working on?”

She stood there, chewing her lip. “I’m nervous to show you.”

He reached out and cradled her cheek, rubbing his thumb across it.

“Why would you be nervous, Sweetheart?”

“I’m afraid you will be mad.”

He looked at her with such questioning in his eyes. She sighed and showed him the beach landscape, the sunrise over Central Park, the sunset over the bay and the skyline lit up at night.

“Rey...these are amazing. I had no idea you were so talented.”

She blushed. “I...I....thank you,” she stammered.

He saw one more canvas, backward and against the wall.

He motioned towards it. “Is that the one you don’t want me to see?”

She nodded, but then said. “You can look...just please don’t be mad.”

His mind was wrestling with what she could have possibly painted that would make him mad at her. His curiosity led him to the canvas. He picked it up and slowly turned it around.

It was obviously the pathway just across the street at Central Park. It was a landscape, like all the others, but this time there were two figures. There was a woman with dark hair that looked like an aching dream from his past. She was leaning down and had her arm around a small boy with a black mop of hair. You could only see the back of the boy’s head, but the woman’s face was full of adoration looking down at him.

He sighed and put it on her easel. He stepped back next to her and put his arms around her, drawing her close. He didn’t speak, but she could feel the warmth of his tears rolling down onto her head tucked under his chin.

_______________________________

He had been quiet since they were in her studio. They were sitting out on the terrace, enjoying the warm afternoon sun.

She thought he looked all recovered...just a wee little bit thin, for him, still. He was still deep in thought. She reached over and squeezed his leg.

“You OK?”

He put his hand on hers. “I...I am OK. The picture, Rey...it’s beautiful. It just brought out so many feelings I have been having lately, especially since being at the hospital.”

She just sat patiently waiting, flipped her hand around so she could lace her fingers through his.

“I keep thinking what it would have been like, for her, if I had died. What if I was gone, and we never got a chance to make it right? I have been responsible for enough agony in her life...I just couldn’t bear the thought that I could be the source again.”

“When you told me she came by, at first I got anxious and angry. But now, having time to think about it, those reactions are Snoke talking and how he programmed me to respond to her. I’m not mad. I grieve the years she was distant, and I grieve how my involvement pulled three important people away from her. But I’m not mad at her anymore.”

He looked down at her and softly said, “I think I need to see her. Could you...could you ask her?”

Her eyes slid shut and filled with the tears of joy and relief. “Yes...yes, Ben. I can do that.”

__________________________

Leia responded instantly, and they arranged for her to come over the following afternoon. She asked Ben if it was OK to give her the painting of the two of them as a gift. He agreed. She was walking out when he called out.

“Rey...I just realized I don’t know...when is your birthday?”

She smiled. “August 25th...a month away. I will be 27. And you?”

He nodded. “November 19th. I will be 32.”

She winked and walked out down the hall, shouting behind her, “old man…”

__________________________

Rey decided for him that she would leave and give he and Leia a few hours alone, then she would come back for dinner with them.

He froze. She rubbed his arms. “If you really need me, you can text me and I’ll come back. But I don’t think that will be necessary. Just be honest with her, like what you told me. She’s not mad...she is grateful to get to see you.”

He pulled her into a bear hug, squeezing her so tight she almost lost her breath. “I wonder if you have any idea what kind of changes you have brought into my life. We will talk more about it soon. But until then...thank you, Sweetheart. You have no idea.”

_____________________________

He texted her two hours after she left, saying they were done and getting hungry. She smiled and ran back home.

While there was not complete comfort, she saw a marked improvement in them from when she left. She knew he would fill her in later on the highlights, but for now, there was a change in the temperature of the room...and that was a huge start.

After they ate, Leia was starting to bid them goodbye. Rey asked her to come and see something first.

She pulled her down the hallway to her studio. On the easel sat the painting, right where Ben had left it the day before. Leia walked over to it as if in a trance. Her breath caught and she raised a hand to touch the hair of the little boy.

“Rey…” was all she got out before her sobs stopped her from talking.

She put her arm out across Leia’s waist and squeezed her into a side hug. “I’d like for you to have it.”

Leia turned and wrapped her in a full hug, clinging to her as she wept. After a few moments, she pulled back and dug in her purse for a tissue. Once she had settled that, she lifted a hand to her cheek and looked into her eyes.

“Thank you, Rey. Thank you for bringing him home.”

________________________________

Later that night, they laid in Ben’s bed, cuddled close. She had never gone back into her room after that first night. She couldn’t bear to be that far. Many things were still to be settled between them, but sleeping by his side was something she decided was non-negotiable.

His arm was wrapped around her back and holding her arm, absently tracing from her elbow to wrist.

“It was hard at first. It had been so long. But, I just told her what I told you yesterday. She told me she didn’t blame me for their deaths and apologized for not being there when I needed her. That broke the floodgates and it got easier after that.”

“I’m so glad. It will be a journey of healing between you two, but it’s a start.”

He kissed her head. “Yes...it’s a start. By the way, don’t make any plans for tomorrow night.”

She turned and looked up at him. “Why...what do you have planned.”

“You can stop the pouty face...it’ won’t work. You will just have to wait.”

She was already half asleep when he said that, so she drifted off wondering what surprise he had in store for her.


	20. At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK all...this is it! Hold on to your hats!

The next day, his lips were like a vault. No matter how much cajoling she tried, he wouldn’t budge. He did shut himself in his room a few times but otherwise was normal. She muttered to herself that maybe he didn’t have all that blasted self-control, she could figure more out.

“What should I wear?” she asked, fishing for a clue.

“Whatever you don’t mind being seen in public in,” he replied casually.

“Well, what are you wearing?

He didn’t lift his eyes from the paper he was reading when he responded, “Dark jeans and a button-down.”

“But you always wear that!” she whined.

“Yup,” was all he said.

She stomped down the hall in a pout. He chuckled as he realized this was bringing out a different side of her he’d never seen...and impatient Rey was deliciously adorable.

_________________________________

At 7:00 he called out to her. “Rey...are you ready?”

She came down the hall in her green sundress and sandals...that she had worn the first time they went out as a couple and got her ring. He smiled to himself at how appropriate that was.

He pulled out a black scarf from his pocket and held it up.

“What is that for?” she snorted.

He pulled her to himself and turned her around, tying it over her eyes. “I can’t very well have you peeking out and spoil your surprise, can I?”

He wrapped an arm around her and led her out. She felt the sensations of the elevator, and the heard the concierge call out a greeting to them and chuckle when he saw her. She felt him tucking her into a car and smelled its familiarity. She said hello to Mitaka and then settled in the seat.

“You won’t give me any hints?”

“Nope.”

“You are mean.”

She felt him get close and nuzzle her cheek before speaking low into her ear, “See...I thought I was being very, very nice.”

His husky voice reverberated down her spine and bloomed in her gut. The kiss he placed on her ear afterward chased down after it and turned her knees to jelly.

“Oh...I...ah…” she faltered.

“Just wait, Sweetheart, we are almost there.

She nodded, and just a few minutes later she felt the car stop and Mitaka got out to open the door. Ren crawled out and then took both of her hands.

“I’m not really trusting those shoes of yours with your eyesight gone.”

Before she could ask what he meant, he hefted her up in his arms.

“Ben...you shouldn’t be carrying me! You still have weeks to recover.”

“I assure you, Rey...I am feeling completely recovered.”

“Where are you taking me.”

“Yeah, still not telling. We are almost there.”

True to his word, moments later he stopped and let her feet slip back down to the ground. He turned her body to face the direction he wanted. She heard the sounds of the city, but nothing else that gave her any indication where they were.

“Ok, Sweetheart, time for you to see.”

He pulled off the scarf, and her eyes adjusted back to the light. It was dusk in Central Park. In front of her was a circle of luminaries in a roped off area of the park. In the middle sat a small round table, set for dinner. Candles flickered there too. Off to the side, she saw a violinist waiting for his cue.

“Oh!” she cried out as her hand flew to her mouth. “But, I don’t understand...I felt Mitaka drive further.”

“He was just driving around the park to throw you off. Come...come sit,” he beckoned. He held out the chair for her and put the napkin in her lap. He pulled the dome off their meals and she saw the scallops, cauliflower gratin and brussels sprouts from Storico.

“What is this, Ben?”

He just smiled down at her. “It’s our moment, Rey.”

She gave him a hesitant smile before diving into her plate. Everything was delicious. There was even a Big Apple for dessert.

The man on the violin had been playing softly throughout dinner. Now Ben took her hand and tugged for her to stand. Dusk had fallen, and now they were standing in the oasis Ben had created for them, dancing in the moonlight. He wrapped his arms around her waist and her arms were circled around his neck, but her head was leaning on his chest, right over his heart.

“Rey,” he started. “I need to tell you some things. I know interpreting subtlety is not your forte, so I am going to be very specific for you, ok?”

She just nodded, a lump in her throat.

“You bounced into my life four months ago and just ruined me.” She started to protest, but he shushed her with a finger on her lips. “Ah-ah-ah...it’s not your turn. Listen first. You ruined the careful life I had created. I was orderly and rigid. I was miserable, but I told myself I deserved to be. But you, you in your gentle way became my wrecking ball to all the false things I had built up.”

“Within a couple of weeks, you brought me the only relief I have had in years to my nightmares. But you didn’t leave it at that, you walked with me and helped me face my demons. Very early on, you had me somehow spilling my guts about Snoke. I have never told anyone some of the things I’ve told you...not even my therapist.”

“And, you charmed everyone along the way...including my curmudgeon Uncle Luke….but mostly me. I didn’t want to face what was happening...what with my grand ideas of a business arrangement with no entanglements. But the problem is, you entangled me...you pulled me in, unwittingly, and wound yourself around everything. I adored it.”

“I was finally getting brave enough to face it all, right before I left for China. I fumbled my way trying to ask if you were feeling the same...but failed to convey to you what I felt. But then...then getting back and having you nurse me back to health physically, and be the catalyst for healing with me and my mom...I just can’t express to you how you have wonderfully, lovingly, completely wrecked me to the foundation, only then build me back up.”

“I think I knew the first day I met you. I think I got a glimpse of what would happen, but I didn’t care. Your light and grace sucked me in.”

He pulled back and released her to frame her face. “I love you, Rey. Ardently, fully, eternally. I regret to inform you that I am breaking our initial agreement, and I never….ever want to let you go. I am asking if we can be really married. I want you to be my wife in every possible way...forever.”

He leaned down and caught her lips with his. But this kiss was unlike any other. Oh...it started that way, but it quickly deepened and opened, catching her up in a wave of sensations she had never felt before. He pulled back eventually, remembering where they were. His hands still framing her face, he pulled her forward to kiss her forehead and just kept his lips there.

“Ben,” she whispered, “I love you too. I did before you left, but I was afraid. I wasn’t sure of your feelings, and I couldn’t let go of the possibility of being abandoned again someday. After talking to your mom, and thinking more about what you said, I was sure...and I wanted to tell you at the airport. But then you got sick...and everything happened…”

“Shhh...my love...shhh. You don’t need to say anything else. All I need to know is that you love me too and want a real marriage. That is enough for me.”

She just nodded. “Yes, Ben...I want it all.”

He pulled her tight into his arms again. “What do you say we get out of here. I would like to take you home and explore every inch of my beautiful Rey. I want to show you how much I love you. Is that OK? Can we do that?”

Her heart thudded at his words and longing pooled in her.

He leaned down in her ear and murmured, “Just in case I wasn’t blunt enough, Rey, I plan to ravage and make love to you all night. Is that clear?”

She melted against his chest. She feared her limbs weren’t going to work again, because just thinking about it….

“Crystal, Ben,” she croaked.

When they got home, he carried her across the threshold of the apartment. She giggled.

“What? This is like our wedding night, Right? It’s only appropriate.”

“Shhh...too much talking, Ben.”

He looked down at her, “Whose room?”

“Isn't your room 'our room' now?" she said.

“Later, woman. I need to know where to set you down or I’m just going to take you on the couch.”

“Your room...our room.”

He started walking down the hall, when he heard her say in a small voice, “Ben...I’m a little nervous. I’ve...I’ve never….”

The knowledge that he, and only he, would be with her like this just did things to him.

“I figured not since you chased all the boys away,” he teased.

Then his face turned serious as he laid her down on the bed. “We don’t have to do this, Rey. If you aren’t ready...and I don’t want to hurt you…”

She reached up to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “I want to...oh, I want to. I’m just nervous. I just wanted you to know.”

He smoothed her brow. “What a precious, amazing gift you are to me. Why don’t we start by taking a bath together? The warm water will help relax you, we can get more comfortable with each other...then see can see what you want from there.

She nodded, and he got up to start running the water.

“Ben,” called out after him.

He turned to look at her. She got up and walked over to him. “Thank you...for how you love me and take care of me. Our journey here has been unconventional, but I wouldn’t change a thing. You are my best friend and my home. I love you so much.”

The wolfish grin he gave her curled her toes as picked her up and carried her in the bathroom He sat her down on the edge of the tub and started the water as he unbuttoned his shirt. He kneeled in front of her and took off her shoes, undid her belt, and looked at her for permission to pull off her dress. She nodded, and once it was off, she realized she wasn’t ashamed or nervous. He was her Ben, and she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything else in her life.

And then he finally saw that pink bra AND the matching underwear...


	21. You Can Always Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {sniff} it's the last chapter {sniff-sniff}...
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for going on this journey with me and appreciating my story. I know my POV is somewhat unique in the Reylo fandom, but I am heartened by many of you who have expressed that you enjoy a romantic, fluffy, emotional story without smut. If you write or enjoy smut, I don't judge that...it's just not what I do.
> 
> I don't have any new stories yet in mind, but you never know when inspiration will strike. Subscribe to me or this story to get updates on any in the future! And...who knows...an epilogue may strike in the future!

Ben and Rey settled into a new rhythm of domestic life. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t that different from before.

But, oh...it was.

Yes, as she sat on the terrace in the warm July morning, she reveled at how wildly different her life was than it was a few months ago.

For one thing, she discovered that Ben now liked being naked...a lot. He seemed to delight in surprising her with it. She liked it, of course...but THAT was definitely different than before.

He also had taken to bringing her tea in bed every morning. Usually just with a kiss on her forehead...sometimes other...things. Sometimes they had to reheat her tea in the microwave.

Mostly, though, she noticed how not in control he was. He was free with smiles and laughs. He was spontaneous with affection. And, he was...creative with where that affection took place. Like on this lounge chair she was sitting on, for example. Or that strong dining room table...the tower room...the art studio...his office...

No….the Kylo of rigid rules was gone. Warm, loving, passionate Ben was in his place. And that was a very...VERY good thing.

______________________

In mid-August, they had decided to have a reception and renew their vows. It was both for them, to affirm the meaning all of that now, and for their family, friends, and colleagues to be included.

Dominic worked his magic and created a breathtakingly simple, yet elegant, gown for her--no crystals. Rey asked the pastor that sometimes assisted at the center now when kids requested spiritual counsel to officiate. He was a young pastor that was raised in Harlem and now was back trying to make a difference back home. He and Rey shared a passion for the kids in their community.

They decided to do it at Tavern on the Green. They talked about the Plaza, but they liked the idea of actually doing it in the park where so much of their story transpired in and around.

Leia sat by Luke at the head table and quiet tears rolled down her cheeks. Finn and Rose sat on the other side of the table. She was snuggled into her husband’s side and had her hands protectively resting over her stomach where their new family was now growing. She felt doubly blessed that she found out she was expecting the same week Ben and Rey finally became a couple...officially. She smugly took the credit for getting them together, which then made her weepy. Pregnancy hormones.

Sabine, Mitaka, Maz, Dominic, Alfred, and Hezekiah sat at a table nearby. They shared stories about where they intersected the couples lives and agreed there was never a lovelier couple. Phasma, Peavy, and Hux even seemed to enjoy themselves.

The pastor and Kaydel sat with a group of the kids. Jamal’s eyes never left them. He even came and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her he was glad she found someone to love her.

And on the dance floor, Ben only had eyes for her. Her hazel eyes were brimming with emotion up at him. His hands caught on the bare skin that the open back of her otherwise demure gown revealed. Something about the feel of her in his arms just grounded him. He dipped his head and softly sang the song they were dancing to in her ear.

There were toasts. There were kisses when the guests tinged their glasses. There was joy.

Near the end, Kylo took the mic.

“Thank you so much for coming to celebrate with my wife and me today. As you know, we got married a few months ago but wanted the chance to be with all of you and allow you to be part of our love story as well. Really, today is the culmination of you in our story.”

“Rey has not only taught me how to love, but how to live. I was a pretty miserable, egocentric person when she came crashing into my life. She showed me what it is to take pain and use it for good. She gave me back the gift of family. She is my very best friend, and I am blessed to have her in my life. I love you, Rey Solo.”

As we walked over to her, he heard the clinking of glasses toasting to their good fortune, but he knew they didn’t need that. All he needed was her.

As he got to her, he sank to his knees.

“Sweetheart...I have something for you...for your birthday. I hope it’s OK with you. You have done so much for me to bring healing from my past...I wanted to do something for you. But now that I’m here, I am nervous about what you will think.”

She reached out and took his hand. “Never be nervous to tell me anything.”

He nodded and reached in his jacket pocket. He withdrew an envelope and handed it to her. It was an itinerary for a three-week trip to England, Scotland, and France.

“I thought we deserved a real honeymoon. We don’t have to go to London if you would rather not. There is plenty to see there without it. But, I actually love it there, and I would like to help you see if from a different point of view. But only if you want to.”

She looked down at the paper and he saw tears start to drop on the paper.

“Oh,” his voice grew thick with emotion, “I’ve upset you. I’m so sorr…”

She held up her fingers to his lips and stopped him. “That’s not it...that’s not why I’m crying.”

She looked up at him. “I’m crying because it was thoughtful, and there is nothing I want to do more in this life than face our demons together and rise stronger on the other side. I would love to go there and replace the memories of my past with memories of us there together.”

Soon after, they said their goodbyes and left for home.

___________________________________

Later that night...or earlier the next morning, as it was, Ben held his nude sleeping wife in his arms. He marveled at the sensation of her skin against his. Something about her simultaneously incited passion and peace in him. She was a beautiful paradox.

He wondered what would have happened to him without her. She had called into being all the good things that he was hiding from himself from in his life.

He wondered how she did it. She unknowingly swept into situations and people’s lives with a force she was unaware she had. It’s like she couldn’t help it. What she had been through, what she survived...she was a warrior that not only helped others, but reached in and beckoned their hearts to want to be strong too...to be that same kind of force.

She had saved him...with that strength of heart.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! Here is a little epilogue I've had running through my mind for two of my favorite New Yorkers. I hope you enjoy revisiting them! There may be more to come.
> 
> Also, I just started posting a new fic last night..."A Lover's or a Liar's Moon?" Be sure to check it out! Here's a brief description:
> 
> This is a twist on a movie from the 80’s called “Liar’s Moon.” If you know the story...SHHHH!!!! I am going to play at a common theory here...hold on tight! This idea started with that movie but became a mashup between that, my grandparents’ post-WWII love story, and odes to my home state of California.

Ben woke first, listening to Rey’s mumbling in her sleep.

“No...no...no...no crystals...mmmhaaa”

He chuckled. Maybe the upcoming Met Gala was giving her PTSD to that first one. That was three years ago...but apparently the ordeal had stuck with her.

She was laying on his arm...really his forearm...facing away from him.

He reached over with his other hand and traced the strap of her nightgown. She stirred a bit more.

He liked being the one to wake up first. She was entertaining at this stage of sleep when her dreams were active.

But mostly...mostly he liked to wake her up.

He tried different methods. Sometimes he nuzzled her neck. Sometimes he traced circles on her back. Sometimes he trailed kisses up her hip and stomach...farther up if she took a while.

Today he started peppering kisses over her bare shoulder. He would tell himself he would kiss each freckle...at least he tried.

She rolled back and groaned in a stretch. Eyes still closed, she reached out the hand closest to him...searching out his face.

“Morning,” he said. His voice was still deep and rumbly from sleep. He traced his kiss trail around her shoulder and moved up to her neck.

She brought her other hand over and ran it up into his hair. “Morning…”

“It’s Saturday...we have that appointment...but not until later…” He spoke right into her ear, the vibrations causing a tornado of sensations down her neck.

She giggled. “But...Ben...last night…”

His lips were dropping lower again. “I am well aware of what happened last night. But that was then...this is now.”

She finally opened her eyes and saw him staring up at her, his heated intent obvious in his eyes.

“Fine...but then you are making me an omelet,” she said, trying to sound resigned and not delighted.

Lifted himself up on all fours, caging her in as he drew down first one strap then another from her shoulders.

“Deal.”

_____________________________

“Are you nervous?” he asked when she was done with breakfast and sipping her tea.

“A little...I mean...will they approve of us...doing this?”

“They would be foolish not to, Sweetheart. I mean me...sure...they should tug that thread a bit...but you…”

She looked down, the tears flooding her eyes in spite of her inner protest.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be...you know? Maybe it is better that we can’t naturally...maybe I’m too damaged…”

“Hey,” he said with a firm tone as he grabbed her hand, “you need to knock that off right now. Don't let those lies get any traction. Anyone who thinks you aren’t fit to be a mother should have their credentials and IQ checked. But...you know this isn’t going to be an easy process.”

“I...I know.”

He checked his watch. “You know...if we leave now, we can walk there. That will help calm your nerves.”

Her eyes lit up. She loved walking around the city. The adoption agency wasn’t far...and it would help her clear her head.

And him...his head too. He was trying to be strong for her, but his inner dialog was similar. What person in their right mind would give a child to Kylo Ren?

He shook his head a bit. No...he wasn’t him anymore. He was Ben...changed by the power of love. He hoped that is what they would see it, anyway...he didn’t want to mess this up for her...for them.

He decided to change the subject. “Did you..ah...get the gift for tomorrow?”

“Huh...oh...yes. It’s wrapped in my office. I still can’t believe Phas and Hux are getting married!

“It’s about time,” he muttered. “They have been insufferable to be around at the office.”

__________________________

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo?”

He squeezed her hand as they stood.

“I am Ahsoka...your caseworker. Please...come to my office.”

She closed the door and looked at her laptop, scrolling down their file.

“So...I have read your file, but I'd like to hear from you...why you would like to adopt?”

Ben looked to her, his eyes asking if she wanted him to answer. She shook her head and scooted closer to him on the loveseat they were sitting on.

“Well...I...ah...I grew up in the system...in London. I aged out. But, unfortunately, along the way, I incurred trauma that appears to have made it not possible for me to get pregnant.”

Ahsoka’s eyes filled with compassion. “I see...and...how long have you two been married?”

“Just over three years,” Ben offered.

She looked back to Rey. “Have you...received care for your trauma?”

“Oh yes...and I actually work with fosters now...in art therapy. We want to provide a home to a child who needs one...like I did...”

“Do you have an age preference?”

Rey’s last admission had cost her and she couldn’t speak. She looked to him, and Ben cleared his throat. “We are open. We know most people want babies. We are comfortable with an older child.”

Ahsoka smiled. “Girl? Boy? Just one?”

Rey found her voice. “Ahsoka...we feel like it is our purpose to do this. I think a child up to 7 or 8 is fine...and probably a maximum of two. If they have...special needs...we could entertain that. Or trauma. We have the means to care for them.”

“So...I usually don’t do this, but I have a special duo...a brother and sister. Their parents were killed in a car accident when they were young. He is 7 and she is 5. Their grandmother, who had been caring for them, just passed away. They don’t have any other family, and they are with emergency foster care now.”

Rey turned to look at him, heart in her eyes.

“You should know...Ella has diabetes...type 1. It can be serious, so that is something to consider. And James...he has some behavioral issues. Mostly latent anger, and some mild ADD. He’s a sweet kid but he has outbursts. Does any of that frighten you yet?”

Ben didn’t turn from her gaze but answered for them. “No...not yet.”

“Well...I see you have had your home visits and background checks. There are just a few more hurdles to jump. Why don’t I give you their files? Take them home and read them...mull over them. Then we can chat next week about it.”

She stood, lifting her hand towards the door to walk them out and hand them the files.

“I have a good feeling about you two. Please jot down any questions you have about them to ask me next week. I will be in touch.”

Rey slipped the files in her purse. She felt like they were burning a hole in her soul, but she didn’t want to look at them until they were home.

______________________________

She was sitting on their terrace, nervously waiting. Ben had gone to make her some tea...then they were going to look.

Were they really doing this?

She heard his footsteps coming. He sat her tea down on the little table next to the outdoor couch before sinking down next to her.

He wrapped his arm around her and tugged her over to his side.

“You...you know this is going to change everything," she said.

“I know that.”

“We won’t be able to just go wherever we want...whenever we want…”

“We have had that for a few years now, Rey. We will adjust.”

“They will make messes.”

“So do you...and we have Margarita.”

“You won’t be able to walk around naked.”

He sighed. “What is this? Are you changing your mind?”

“I...I don’t think so. It’s just such a big deal. I’m thinking through all of what it means.”

He kissed her head, then leaned forward to grab the files from her purse. He placed them on her lap.

“It also means that these kids will have a home, and the love and care that they need. It means you will be able to be a mom...something you have been ready to do for a long time. We are ready for this, Rey. Open the files.”

She did.

_________________________________

Here is the link to "A Liar's or a Lover's Moon?" https://archiveofourown.org/works/16110698/chapters/37632974


	23. Epiloguetta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While I worked out some of the plot issues in my new fic, "Variance" (see here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16537196/chapters/38741003), I couldn't get this update on FDC out of my head. I hope you enjoy this foray back into the life of these two!

“Mama,” she woke to the scared little voice. Her tired eyes flew open, seeing the tear-filled eyes and quivering lip of her daughter.

 

She lifted her head up. “Bad dream?”

 

The little girl just nodded. Rey lifted the covers and she crawled in.

 

“You are OK, my love. You are safe,” she assured her as she snuggled her in her arms and kissed the top of her inky head.

 

She drifted off to sleep, content with Ben at her back and her girl in her arms.

 

_________________________________

 

She awoke last, the next morning...realizing the other two occupants of the bed were no longer there but were sitting on the loveseat in the sitting area of the bedroom, looking out the window. 

 

When she sat up, quietly so as not to disturb them, she saw that Ella was sitting on his lap, and they were talking in hushed tones.

 

Now that she was awake, though, it was just loud enough to hear.

 

“Why do I have bad dreams, Daddy?” she was asking.

 

Ben sighed. “Sometimes it from something we see that scares us, like in a movie, and sometimes it is our brain’s way of dealing with things from our past. Your Mama knows more about all that, though.”

 

“I don’t like being scared...it makes me feel like a baby.”

 

“Little one...everyone gets scared.”

 

She saw the little head shift to look up at him. “Even you, Daddy?”

 

“Sure...I even have bad dreams...sometimes. Not as often as I used to, before your Mama was in my life.”

 

“What do you do when you have a bad dream?”

 

She saw him bend his head down to kiss the top of hers. “She holds me too, baby...just like she does with you.”

 

“I feel safe when she does that...and then I don’t have any more bad dreams.”

 

“Me too, baby girl...me too.”

 

____________________________

 

Ben came through the door the next day, and Rey immediately intercepted him.

 

“James had a bad day. I think he needs you to go talk to him.”

 

He kissed her quickly and set his bag down before heading down the hall on the east side of the apartment.

 

As the oldest, he was given Rey’s old room. It sure looked different with a 9-year-old boy living there instead. Gone were the muted neutral and aqua tones, and in their place navy and red ruled. He found his son sitting at his desk working on a lego set. He noticed that his newest drawing of Minecraft characters was pinned on the corkboard over his desk, and it was pretty good. He couldn’t remember the character’s name, but he knew well what they looked like from the game he played with him and was impressed at his budding artistic ability.

 

He cleared his throat and the boy turned.

 

Not for the first time, he wondered how this one who was birthed and raised by others was so much like him at that age...even in appearance. His ears weren’t as big, but his black mop of hair and chocolate brown eyes were eerily familiar to him...as was the emotional turmoil the boy suffered from.

 

“Hey there Super J...how was your day?”

 

The boy shrugged and looked back at the legos scattered around his desk.

 

“That doesn’t seem like it was a good day.”

 

“It was ok...just Gavin game me a hard time again.”

 

That made Ben’s blood boil. Gavin was a bully.

 

“What happened?”

 

“He just shoved me again, but then the teacher just saw me shove back. I didn’t hit him or anything…”

 

Ben tried not to smile. That was progress. When James first came, physical skirmishes happened a lot at school. The combination of Rey’s art therapy and Finn’s anti-bullying jiu-jitsu classes were helping.

 

“Well...I am proud of you for that. Did he say anything before he shoved you?”

 

“Nah...well, yes...but it was stupid I think.”

 

“Why don’t you let me see if I think it is?” he suggested.

 

“He just...he told me to leave Bella alone...that she liked him and not me.”

 

“Oh,”  was all he could get out, his smile really trying to break free now.

 

“I told him I don’t like any stupid girls, including her...then he shoved me.”

 

The boy looked embarrassed, though. “Is that true? That you don’t like any girls?” he asked gently.

 

“Well...Bella is cool. But, I don’t ask for her to talk to me. She just does…”

 

“I see, son. Well...I am glad that you didn't hit him. You have been doing better.”

 

He didn’t look up, but he replied, “Thanks, Dad.”

 

He ruffled his hair. “I think dinner is here,” he said as he stood to leave the room.

 

In the hallway, he leaned into the wall for a minute.

 

Dad.

 

That word was fraught with turbulent meaning for him. There was his own dad, who he regretted every day not still having around. Especially now that he had kids. He hated that they didn’t know him. They would have loved Han, and he would have doted on them.

 

But even more so was knowing how hard fought the war was in his son’s heart to even call him that. The first year had been rough with James. He was older and remembered their parents more. He was angry, belligerent, and his ADD was off the charts. The therapist they took him too had worked wonders, but it took a long time before he was stable...even longer until he started smiling again.

 

Not long after that was when he had first called him dad. He had written it on his father’s day card, but he said it to him when he was up with him one night when James was sick.

 

The poor little guy had been nauseous all day before the worst of his symptoms started. He had been sick a few times. Ben had just emptied and washed out the bucket when he came back in and found the boy crying in his bed.

 

“Hey, Super J...you ok?”

 

“I’m scared, Dad…”

 

That instantly turned one of the worst times of a parent’s life into a sacred moment. And...he never stopped calling him after that.

 

He walked back out to the living space and saw the dinner containers on the counter, ready to eat.

 

Long ago, he had decided to hire a meal service for dinner. Rey did better with prepping breakfast and the kids’ lunches that didn’t require much cooking...but he felt like dinner would be pushing it. If they didn’t go out, the meal service brought food to them ready to eat.

 

She was sitting at the breakfast bar, fiddling with a water bottle. She saw him coming and looked up at him anxiously.

 

He leaned over and kissed her head. “He’s fine.”

 

“He was just so quiet and wouldn’t talk to me...I was worried.”

 

“Just boy stuff,” he joked.

 

He looked at her and took in the circles under her eyes. The last year and a half had taken its toll. It was good, but it was also hard.

 

“Are you ready to go tomorrow?”

 

She nodded. They had not had much of a break since the kids came. They stole away for a night here or there, but now they were taking a long weekend at the beach house and Leia was coming to spoil the kids all weekend. 

 

“I am looking forward to uninterrupted sleep for four nights.”

 

“Me too.”

 

_________________________

 

They slept in, and Ben walked around naked all morning...because he could.

 

He made omelets for breakfast, and now he was coaxing Rey back into bed...ideally not to sleep...

 

He tried not to be hurt when instead of kissing him, she burst into tears. Instead, he held her and caressed her back until the storm passed.

 

“I just feel exhausted, Ben. I had no idea how tiring this would all be. And...it’s not even the actual work of what we do with and for them. It’s the emotional weight. It’s overwhelming.”

 

He nodded. “It is a lot. More than I thought it would be...but it’s also better than I thought it would be too.”

 

She looked up at him. “You have been amazing, Ben...I had no idea what a natural you would be at this.”

 

“Me either,” he teased.

 

He kissed her forehead tenderly. “Why don’t you get some more sleep. I am going to take a shower and read the book I brought outside.”

 

She nodded and by the time he came out of the bathroom, she was asleep.

 

____________________________

 

They had a great afternoon...finally getting to enjoy what he had hoped for in the morning, and had a great dinner. He noticed she didn’t eat much.

 

“Sweetheart...are you OK? You aren’t coming down with something, are you?”

 

“I don’t think so. I’ve just been really tired, and haven’t had much of an appetite. I’m sure it’s just exhaustion. I feel a little better just being here and sleeping more.

 

After she fell asleep at 9 pm, he decided to google her symptoms.

 

He regretted it as soon as he did. Medical searches on the internet never went well. Some of the things on the list where terrifying...and some were not so bad.

 

One was...interesting…

 

And it got him thinking…

 

He ran an errand.

 

________________________

 

The next morning, Rey woke to the smell of breakfast wafting in her nose. She felt hungry, but then not at the same time like she had felt for weeks.

 

“Hey there beautiful...you ever going to wake up?”

 

“What time is it?” she mumbled.

 

“It’s nine, Rey...you slept twelve hours.”

 

“I...I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

 

“I might have an idea…” he said cryptically as he handed her the tea he made.

 

She just raised an eyebrow at him while she sipped her tea.

 

“Tell me, Sweetheart...when was your last period?”

 

“A few weeks ago...after the kids were sick…”

 

He reached over to the nightstand to grab something and handed it to her. “Rey...they were sick two months ago.”

 

She looked down to the box he handed her, and her eyes grew huge.

 

He took the teacup, lest she spilled it, before turning back to her. “Go take it, Rey...answer the question that is in both of our minds now.”

 

_________________________

 

He held her while the timing on his phone ticked down.

 

“Ben...what if…”

 

“Then we will be overjoyed.”

 

“And if not…”

 

“Then we will be no different than what we are now.”

 

“But…”

 

“Hey...we already have the two most amazing kids that we adore. If this is happening, it will just add to that. And if not, we still have the family we dreamed of. Either way...we win. I just need to know what is going on with you...so I know if I need to worry. This could be the issue.”

 

“I...I just can’t think about it...I can’t…”

 

The chime of the timer interrupted her.

 

“You look...I can’t,” she begged, her eyes huge.

 

He leaned over to the nightstand and picked up the little stick. He picked up the instructions again to make sure, and looked up to her.

 

“Well, Mrs. Solo...I definitely knocked you up.”

 

“What?” she breathed in disbelief.

 

He handed her the test in response. She looked at it in wonder.

 

“But...but they said…”

 

He reached over and smoothed her hair and spoke softly. “The doctors said they weren’t sure why you couldn’t get pregnant before. But they didn’t say it was impossible.”

 

“I’m going to have a baby,” she marveled.

 

“Yes you are, Sweetheart. Yes, you are…”


	24. Epiloguistmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Reylos! I hope it's been a good one.
> 
> This is inspired by my preemie experience with my firstborn. He is a big galute now...almost a teenager and huge, but it was one of the hardest things I've waded through in life. I just couldn't get away from this idea with this version of Ben and Rey. This will likely be the last chapter in this story. I hope you enjoy it. It's about love...but real life, family love.
> 
> And, in closing, let me just say that NICU nurses ROCK and are my heroes!

****For as hard as it was for Rey to get pregnant, her pregnancy was a relative breeze.

 

She didn’t experience any morning sickness, blessedly. The fatigue her first trimester made it hard enough to keep up with two active kids.

 

Her being pregnant had made James very protective, and Ella was just brimming with anticipation of being a big sister and getting to help Rey with the baby.

 

The second trimester was a dream. She had energy and felt almost normal again. That is, except, a ramped up libido that both surprised and delighted Ben.

 

She had watched little new parts of him unfold before her eyes as a dad...but the way he fussed over her pregnant was a whole other level.

 

He was like a mama bear and alpha wolf all rolled up into one. While at times it was stifling...she adored it.

 

It was fun to watch her belly grow. They took a picture each week to track the progress.

 

Each night Ben sunk down in their bed and talked to the baby, kissing her belly and cooing at it.

 

Yes, Ben...father of a baby...was a different guy. He was so far from who he was when they met...but yet still the same.

 

It was all bliss...until the day it wasn’t.

 

Ben was in a meeting with their China affiliates when Maz barged in the room.

 

“My apologies, ladies, and gentlemen...Ben...I’m sorry...it’s urgent.”

 

In all his years knowing Maz, he had never seen that look in her eye. A deep feeling of forbidding swirled in his gut.

 

As soon as he was in the hall, her voice warbled, “It...it’s Rey, Ben. You need to get to the hospital.”

 

____________________________________

 

It was the second week of November. Rey and Leia had just come in from shopping and were making preparations to bake cookies when the kids got home from school.

 

This year would be their second Christmas with the kids. They had settled in so much more than last year. Last year was the first in a new place and with a new family. It was a bit rough around the edges.

 

Rey was looking forward to this. They would get one more Christmas just to focus on them before the baby came. She was due January 18th, so they still had lots of time.

 

The baby had been active, and she felt a lot of pressure. At 30 weeks, and just at the start of her third trimester, she expected this is the kind of thing pregnant women always complain about. Another wave of pressure brought an immediate need to use the restroom.

 

She had no idea that a baby would use their mother’s bladder like a trampoline.

 

She went to the powder room just off the living area. Peeing was becoming such a routine thing, being pregnant. She swore some days she peed 100 times at least.

 

What was not routine was to look down and see blood. A lot of it.

 

Fear set in and she felt paralyzed. She knew this wasn’t right...knew something needed to be done...knew she needed help.

 

She wiped quickly and stuffed a wad of toilet paper in her underwear before pulling them up.

 

“Leia,” she called when the door cracked open, “would you come here for a moment?”

 

She heard a thud on the kitchen counter and then footsteps on the wood floors getting closer to her.

 

Leia’s brow furrowed when she saw Rey’s white face.

 

“What is it...are you ok?”

 

Rey’s eyes teared up at the question. In her gut, she knew she wasn’t.

 

She pointed at the toilet that she left unflushed. “Is...is that normal?”

 

The other woman followed the direction she was pointing toward...then gasped and stepped closer.

 

“No...that is not normal. Is this the first time this has happened?”

 

She nodded in response.

 

If not for the panic of the moment, it would have been a bit funny to have her mother-in-law looking at her unflushed pee.

 

“Sweetie...that is your mucus plug in there...it’s too early for that, and there shouldn’t be this much blood. We need to get you to the hospital.”

 

Rey discovered that Leia excelled at taking charge in scary moments. She grabbed a towel, Rey’s purse, and got her keys out ready to shuttle her to the car.

 

In spite of all of that, she managed to hold Rey’s hand and reassure her. “It’s going to be OK, Rey. It will. I need you to believe that, OK?”

 

Rey just nodded again and tried not to fall apart.

 

_____________________________

 

When they got to the hospital, they found out the OB-GYN on duty was an old friend of Leia’s.

 

“Amilyn and I went to school together, Rey. She is an excellent doctor...has delivered thousands of babies, and she specializes in high risk. You are in good hands.”

 

Rey nodded, and in spite of her fear, she couldn’t stop the smile on her face when her lavender-haired doctor showed up.

 

Even though she knew Leia, she walked purposefully and confidently over to Rey and rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

 

“Hey there...Mrs. Solo. I’m Dr. Holdo. I will be taking care of you and that little one.”

 

Once Rey had murmured a thank you, she turned to Leia and smiled.

 

“This is Benny’s girl?” she asked.

 

“She sure is...mine too,” she responded with a wink. “I wouldn’t have Benny back in my life without her.”

 

Dr. Holdo’s eye glazed over with a far-off look. “I remember when he was born…”

 

She shook herself and focused back on Rey. “More of that later, my dear. Nurse D’Acy...stats please?”

 

The kind nurse turned away from the chart she was looking at. “The babies heart rate is slightly elevated, but not abnormally so. Mrs. Solo lost her mucus plug and is bleeding.”

 

As she listened, Dr. Holdo snapped on her latex gloves...purple, of course...and prepared to examine Rey.

 

“OK my dear...just a little bit of pressure…”

 

Rey tried not to wince at the uncomfortable feeling.

 

“She’s dilated to 4, but not effaced...let’s get an IV in and give her a shot of terbutaline. Monitor her closely. Any contraction activity?”

 

“Not really, Dr. Holdo...at least not that are registering. You know this early they don’t always…”

 

Dr. Holdo grabbed the ultrasound machine and after squirting warm jelly over Rey’s belly, started roaming the wand around and watched the screen, squinting and observing with her expert eye.

 

“Rey, are you feeling any contractions? Any periodic pain?”

 

She shook her head, “Not really...just pressure.”

 

Dr. Holdo looked knowingly to the nurse. “OK, Rey. We are going to give you a shot we use to help stop labor. It’s called terbutaline...or terp for short. It is effective, but a side effect is lowering your blood pressure. So, we will be monitoring you and the baby carefully. If you feel anything out of the ordinary, please let Nurse D’Acy know. Even though it will relax your organs, it will feel at first like we shot you with some espresso. That is normal. I will be checking on you throughout the day.”

 

She turned to Leia and took her hand before leaving. “I got her, my friend...I got her.”

 

Just moments after Dr. Holdo left, Ben showed up at the door. He face was disfigured with worry, and his tie was askew.

 

It reminded Leia of how he would look whenever Han left. Worried, terrified, and panicking, but trying not to show it.

 

Rey held out her hand to him. “Ben…”

 

He rushed to her side, taking her hand gingerly.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“Benny!” he heard from the door.

 

He turned and saw one of his mother’s oldest friends...and his godmother. Han had insisted on that, even though Leia was Jewish. Aunt Ami was at his birth even...her first live birth when she was in medical school.

 

Somehow hearing her voice and seeing her face took his anxiety down a notch.

 

She bent down to give him a half hug.

 

“Since I just saw you come in...I’m assuming the girls haven’t caught you up yet?”

 

He shook his head, and the look in his big brown eyes broke her heart a little.

 

“I suspect that Rey is in preterm labor. She has been bleeding more than we like to see, and has pressure...that can mean contraction activity the monitors aren’t picking up. She also shouldn't be feeling as much pressure as she is at 30 weeks.”

 

She raised her head to watch the nurse walk to the opposite side of the bed to administer the IV.

 

“But...but it is too early…” he said, his quiver in his voice showing her was barely hanging on.

 

She rubbed his back. “I know, Benny...I know. I will do everything I can. But even if the baby comes early, the odds are very strong. There may be a few hiccups to deal with...but she will be OK.”

 

“She?” he asked in wonder.

 

“Oh...did you all not know? I’m sorry…”

 

Rey barely felt the IV going in hearing that she was having a girl…

 

“I...she never cooperated...when we tried to find out.”

 

Dr. Hold...Aunt Ami...whenever she was, she snorted in a very unprofessional manner. “Look out, Rey...sounds like she is stubborn like her daddy.”

 

Ben was squeezing her hand as the pinch of the IV finally showed on her face.

 

“Ben...a girl…”

 

“I know...I...wow...a baby girl…” his face got a sweet, gooey look.

 

_________________________

 

In the wee hours of the morning, Rey awoke with a start. The pressure had increased, and now she could feel liquid trickling out of her.

 

She looked over to Ben asleep on the foldout couch in the room and pushed the nurse call button.

 

The night nurse, Penny, entered the room quietly and whispered, “Are you OK, Rey? What is it?”

 

“I...I feel more pressure...and it’s wet.”

 

Penny smiled reassuringly and switched on the light over the sink.

 

“I’m just going to check you,” she explained.

 

Rey felt her lift the covers, and just then another gush came out.

 

“Well...your water is broken. There’s no turning back now.”

 

Rey started to panic again...a familiar feeling in the last fourteen hours.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well...once your water breaks, we can’t stop your labor. As long as you have enough fluids, though...we can prolong it by days...weeks even sometimes. At this point, the longer the baby cooks, the better. How are you feeling? Pain wise?”

 

“There is still just pressure,” she said helplessly.

 

“Let me see if there is anything we can do for that. We want you to get as much rest as possible.” She left the room quietly...but not quite enough.

 

“Rey...what is going on?” Ben’s sleepy voice called out.

 

“I...my water broke, Ben. I...they can’t stop the labor now. I...I’m so scared. What if she’s not OK?”

 

He got up and came to lean over her and brush her hair out of her face...smoothing her furrowed brow.

 

“Aunt Ami said my girls are going to be fine, and I believe her,” he murmured.

 

“But...Ben...what...what if…”

 

“Whatever happens, we will face it together and get through it like we do everything else. No matter what.”

 

She tried to blink her tears away as he bent to kiss her forehead. He looked down at the bed, wider than most hospital beds and made a decision.

 

He went around the bed and carefully lifted Rey, scooting her toward the door side of the bed. Then he walked back around to the other side. He lifted the covers, then lifted up the plastic-lined pad they put under her to capture the fluids before he scooted carefully onto the bed next to her.

 

“Ben!” she protested. “You...you’ll get wet.”

 

He pulled her to him and tucked her head under his chin, wrapping his arms around her. “I don’t care. You need this...I need this...just go to sleep, Rey.”

 

He felt her settle in his arms, then heard her easy breathing.

 

He felt so helpless in all of this...but this he could do. He could offer her his comfort and be there for her. The moment made his mind drift back to when Mitaka called him the day she read the file about the little girl who suffered from the same abuse she had. Back then, holding her was all he knew to do.

 

It still was.

 

A bit later, the nurse tiptoed in with Dr. Holdo. “I found them like this...do you want me to ask him to move?”

 

The doctor shook her head. “No...leave them…”

 

“...but doctor...it’s against policy…” she whispered back.

 

“She is finally resting...they need this. Leave them. Now, as quietly as possible, just go shoot in that med to help her stay asleep, and then monitor her and the baby from the station. They have a rough road ahead of them...let them have this tonight.”

 

______________________________

 

The next day, Ben left after breakfast to go see the kids and bring their things to the hospital. Nurse D’Acy assured him she would let them know if anything changed. It would feel good to see his family and get a shower after the long previous day.

 

James and Ella were excited to see him and excited that the baby would come soon. They were blissfully unaware of all that would be involved in the baby being born prematurely. He did his best to explain it to them.

 

“So...she will just be really tiny?” James asked.

 

“Well..she will be small...but there can be complications. And...she will need to stay in the hospital...for weeks probably.’

 

“Will she be sick? Like when we get a cold?” Ella asked...confused.

 

“No...not like that. She isn’t supposed to be born yet...she is still developing. It’s mostly her lungs.”

 

Ben answered as many questions as he could, then started to gather up the bags he had packed.

 

Just as he was getting ready to head out the door, he got a text from Rey’s phone.

 

 _You better get back here_ was all it said.

 

He hugged the kids and his mom, thanking her again for her help. He knew they were going to need to rely on her a lot the next few months, and he was grateful all over again for her presence back in his life.

 

Mitaka got him to the hospital in record time.

 

When he got to her room, it was a frenzy of activity. They had her sitting on the couch while they appeared to be changing our her bed.

 

He rushed over to her, carefully dropping down next to her with questions in his eyes.

 

She looked up at him, panting. “She’s coming, Ben. They gave me another shot, but they aren’t working. She….”

 

She stopped and he recognized the breathing she was doing from their birth classes.

 

He offered his hand, and she gripped it. He counted how long it lasted, then reminded her to breathe as it faded out.

 

“I’m scared...Ben.”

 

He gathered her in his arms. “I know...I feel it too.”

 

“Mr. Solo...can you please help Rey back on the bed?” nurse D’Acy asked.

 

He obeyed and helped her get settled on the new bed with the foot that dropped down and the stirrups that raised up.

 

Amilyn swept in the room, followed by what felt like fifty other people.

 

OK...maybe it was fifteen.

 

“Rey...Ben...this is the NICU team. They will take care of her as soon as she’s born, and then will take her down to the NICU ward. We are fortunate to have a level 3 NICU here, so Rey can come to visit her while she recovers.”

 

She walked to the side of the bed and looked them both in the eye.

 

“I’m not going to lie...she will have complications. Mostly, her lungs are our concern right now. We have been giving Rey steroids to help with the surfactant production, so hopefully, that will reduce her symptoms. But guys...each baby is unique and we won’t know if there are other issues until she is out. But you have an amazing team here to care for her...our NICU is one of the best.  I don’t want to scare you, but I want you to be ready. I advise that you pray for the best and prepare yourselves for the worst.”

 

She said it all in a soft, kind, yet firm tone, searching their faces while she simultaneously rubbed each of them on the arm. Ben gave her a nod, tears running down his cheeks and his jaw was doing the grinding thing he had done since he was a kid. She patted them and took a step back.

 

She then moved down to the foot of the bed and took her seat. Ben looked up and realized that all fifteen people were watching his wife...there. He couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment, but later that would feel weird to him. Right now, he just wanted her and the baby to be safe.

 

Amilyn moved to sit between the stirrups. “OK, Rey...I think you are ready. Take a deep breath and give me a good push for 10 counts.

 

________________________________

 

Ben stood slumped with his forehead resting on the side of the isolette. Inside rested his daughter...Hanna Amilyn Organa Solo. It seemed like a ridiculously long name for such a tiny thing.

 

At 2 pounds 8 ounces, he was assured that she was good-sized for a 30-weeker. That seemed ludicrous to him since the whole of her fit in the palm of his hand, but he kept his opinion to himself.

 

The constant ringing and alarms of all the monitors in the NICU had become unnoticed background noise to him. That is...unless the noises were coming from Hanna’s machines. Those noises set off chain reactions of panic throughout his nervous system.

 

He kept his warm hand still, just lightly resting a few fingers on her tiny chest. He felt in constant conflict between needing to be with her and needing to be with Rey. Except for the few limited visits Rey got to have as she recovered, his heart and body were seldom in the same place these days.

 

Hanna was still on a ventilator and had a tiny black mask over her eyes while the bilirubin light did its thing.

 

Respiratory distress...jaundice...frequent bradycardias...pulse-ox monitor...these are words he didn’t know two days ago that had quickly become part of his regular vocabulary.

 

As soon as she was delivered, the NICU team had swept Hanna away. They didn’t even get to hold her. The first time Rey really had eyes on her daughter was through the transparent walls of her new tiny home. Neither of them had gotten to hold her. But in fifteen minutes, Rey was being released, and their angel of a nurse promised them she would find a way for Rey to finally hold her baby.

 

When Rey had first suggested her name for a girl as an homage to his dad, he had bristled. She backed off but gently supplied her reasons why over the next few months. He was still unsure...but when he first saw her and swore he saw her tiny mouth smirking under the ventilator strapped to her nose in a very “Han” way, it just felt right.

 

His wife and now his little girl had brought him full-circle in life...back to his family...back to himself.

 

He was even warming up to Uncle Luke...a true Christmas miracle.

 

He and Leia were their rocks right now, caring for their two oldest while they focused on Rey’s recovery and Hanna.

 

He glanced at the clock on the wall and realized it was time to go get Rey. She was being discharged at noon, and then they could finally have the three of them in one place for more than 30 minutes.

 

He slowly removed his hand from the hole in the side of Hanna’s isolette and made his way on the familiar path to the maternity ward. He realized this would be the last time to do that.

 

She was dressed and waiting for him when he got to the room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

 

“You ready to get busted out?” he teased.

 

She just winced slightly as she stood. “Something like that.” She let out a little moan as she walked. “No one really quite tells you what this is going to be like on the other side. As if the pregnancy and labor aren’t hard enough...let’s add unnatural swelling in your most sensitive area, which by the way you have to sit on, and also let's add profuse bleeding to the party.”

 

He helped her sit the wheelchair, lowering her carefully. “I think if they told you all of it, no one would do it.”

 

She snorted. “You are probably right.” Then she got serious. “How is she today?”

 

He thanked the nurse and took the paperwork she held out to him about Rey’s home care, sticking it in the pouch of her overnight bag.

 

“About the same. Just one brady...the RT came by and said he turned down the forced air. He is concerned about scar tissue in her lungs.”

 

With a nod, she quietly admitted, “I can’t believe I get to hold her today. Nurse Tori is amazing.”

 

Ben did his best not to tear up. Because of the fragile IV’s through Hanna’s belly button, they weren’t able to hold her...technically. But, Nurse Tori, who had been watching over her since she was born and had been a NICU nurse for twenty years said she had a plan.

 

When they got to the NICU, Tori was waiting for them and had a chair sitting next to the isolette. She smiled wide at Rey.

 

“You ready to hold your girl, Mama?”

 

Rey just nodded eagerly, letting Ben help her from the wheelchair to the chair waiting for her.

 

Tori had adjusted the numerous wires and tubes into one long strand and then turned to set a pillow in Rey’s lap. She opened the side of the isolette and expertly picked up Hanna and set her down resting on the pillow on her lap. She drew Rey’s hand up gently to support Hanna’s side, and then quickly made sure the important tubes were not impaired in any way. Last, she drew out a blanket and covered the baby and Rey’s arm.

 

“OK, Rey...we only have about 10 minutes. I’m sorry it can’t be longer. In a day or two, she will get her PICC line in, and then you can start doing kangaroo care. But for now, we just need to limit how much time she is handled to protect her fragile IV.”

 

Rey looked down at her daughter, her face blurry because of the tears swimming in her eyes. She felt Ben’s hand caressing her shoulder.

 

“You have her, Sweetheart...you have her.”

 

_______________________________

 

They got home later, and Rey sank exhausted into the bed. Ben heard her soft snores and he looked over at her, his eye catching the breast pump behind her head.

 

He knew her alarm would go off in 3 hours so she could pump.

 

“This is the only thing I can do for her right now, Ben. I can’t even hold her. I will do anything in my power to help her get better and grow strong...and this is in my power."

 

So she pumped from day one. Rey pumped every 3 hours like clockwork, eight times a day. She was tenacious in her efforts. Even in the middle of the night, she would do it. He couldn’t imagine how she could. Instead of being wakened by a babies cries and having a warm body to snuggle with, all she had was a cold plastic pump.

 

The nurses had explained that the composition of her breast milk was actually different because her body knew it had a preemie. It had more fat and probiotics in it. Rey called it a miracle...that her body was created to care for her baby in such a way. Her faith was deepened and her mothering instinct soared.

 

He reached over and rested his arm over her side, realizing the strange sensation of Rey’s belly not being full of Hanna anymore. Before she was born, he would fall asleep each night cradling her belly in his arm to snuggle both of them at once.

 

Now, Rey’s belly...and arms...were empty.

 

He was resolved to get up with her. With the two older kids staying at Leia’s and being on paternity leave from work, he had nothing to do but take care of Rey...and he planned to do just that. Get up with her in the night, feed her...remind her to rest.

 

He had always known that his wife was strong, brave, and beautiful, but watching her fight through all of this for Hanna just opened up new facets of her. He fell in love with her all over again.

 

The last few days were some of the hardest of his life, but he had never been so fulfilled. Life was rich, even when it was hard.

 

_______________________________________

 

Two weeks later, Hanna was moved to an open crib.

 

As she walked into the unit, she was thinking about it. By rote, she went to the locker room to drop off her bag and wash her hands. This was the routine.

 

When she got to the room, she was surprised to see her already in a crib.

 

Tori, on duty again after a few days off, looked up at her and chuckled.

 

“So...I have probably changed tens of thousands of diapers in my career, but your little princess here managed to pull a fast one on me. She pooped all over the isolette...a particularly explosive one...so I had to move her sooner than I planned.

 

Rey laughed hard. Before, she had no idea that babies could do that. It had happened once or twice to her as well.

 

Tori motioned for her to sit. “If you want to get ready, I’ll hand her to you.”

 

Rey sat down and started unbuttoning her top.  Tori picked up Hanna...up to a little over 3 pounds now and set her on Rey’s bare chest.

 

Kangaroo care was one of Rey’s favorite things. Having her baby skin to skin with her was an indescribable feeling. She loved watching Hanna’s heart rate and oxygen levels improve whenever they did it.

 

It was bliss.

 

She would remind herself of that later that day. She always needed something positive to focus on as she left the hospital. To get to the NICU, she had to use the same entrance as the maternity ward. So, each day, several times a day, Rey had to watch other women get wheeled out of the hospital with their big, healthy babies...oblivious to the pain that stabbed through Rey each time.

 

When would she ever be able to take her baby home?

 

It felt like never.

 

So, in those moments, she would cling to the good. Kangaroo care, moving to an isolette, gaining ounces, getting her feeding tube removed...

 

These are the positives she clung to as she watched those other moms and willed herself to trust that it would happen, one day.

 

_______________________________________________

 

Their neonatologist sat them down for a serious talk.

 

“Ben and Rey...I won’t beat around the bush. Because of how long Hanna has needed breathing assistance, there has been damage to her lungs. When the forced air forces the tiny air sacs in her lungs open, it also can burst some of them, leaving scar tissue. I understand that you have two elementary-aged children at home, is that correct.”

 

All they could do was nod. The rollercoaster of emotions they had been on the last two weeks was wearing. The steps forward and backward in Hanna’s health were enough to make them sick.

 

“OK...well, let me shoot it to you straight. Hanna can’t get RSV, a chest cold...anything lower respiratory. That is pretty impossible to avoid with two older kids in school. But if she gets something like that, her lungs can’t handle it. You will lose her.”

 

Ben couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath those words caused. It made Rey’s hand squeeze his even harder than it already was.

 

“So, you have two options. You can keep them home through the end of the school year and have them do independent study...or they need to live elsewhere until Hanna is 6 months old. By then, she will have had three rounds of immunizations, so we feel her immune system will be better able to handle viruses. Even then, though...it is dangerous. She really won't be out of the woods until she is 3 years old and her lungs have grown enough to compensate.”

 

Rey’s eyes slid shut...her mother’s heart in anguish. She couldn’t send them away...not after all they have been through. It was already hard. Just the other day Ben said Ella had asked them if they love the baby more. It was heartbreaking. But...they were just starting to adjust and make friends at school. To pull them out would mean a big step backward socially for them.

 

She turned and looked at Ben, her eyes brimming with tears.

 

He cleared his throat. “They are old enough...I think we should explain it to them...let them decide. I won’t make a decision like this for them.”

 

She nodded with hot, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

_______________________________________

 

They left the hospital in time for dinner. Leia had been staying at the house with them the last few days so they could be at home. They all sat down to a pot roast dinner that Rey was trying to work up the courage to eat.

 

Ben decided to start the discussion.

 

“Uh...James and Ella...we have something serious to talk to you about, and the two of you will have a decision to make.”

 

Ella kept eating and seemed unfazed as she waited for him to continue, while James seemed to recognize the gravity of the situation and put down his fork.

 

“So, as you know, Hanna is very sick. Today the doctor told us that something as simple as a cold to us will be very serious for her...it could even kill her. So, we have to do some things to be extra careful with her.”

 

They nodded, seeming to track so far, so he continued.

 

“Ella...can you tell me how many colds you had last year?”

 

She giggled. “Too many to count, Daddy.”

 

He smiled at her. “Very good...you are right. Now...if you get sick a lot from kids at school, and bring that cold home and give it to us...how can we keep Hanna from getting it?”

 

James pipped in, “Well...we try to wash our hands and stuff when we are sick, but it doesn’t always work. I don’t think we could keep her well for sure.”

 

Rey reached over and grabbed his hand.

 

Ben continued, “That is true, James. So...kids...the doctor only gave us two choices to keep Hanna safe. First, we could homeschool you until the end of the school year so you aren’t around the other kids and their colds. Or, second, you would need to go live with Nana Leia until June. Either way is hard, but we want you two to decide together. We think that the choice should be up to you.”

 

The kids looked at each other. “Can we talk about it?”

 

Ben nodded and ruffled James’ hair. “Absolutely. After dinner, you can eat your dessert in the tower room and have a meeting. Does that sound good?”

 

They agreed and dinner continued. Leia’s burdened eyes met Ben’s and she gave him a watery smile. He winked at her and ate a carrot.

 

_______________________________

 

They were just putting away the clean dishes, and Rey had just finished pumping when the kids came back downstairs.

 

Ella piped up, “We decided.”

 

James sighed like she took part of what he was going to say.

 

“We think that even though it would be hard, and we will miss our friends, we want to stay home and do school here. We don’t want to be away from you guys and Hanna, and this way we can help take care of her. She is part of our family now...and it’s our job to help with her.”

 

Rey’s eyes flooded and she held her two big kids tightly to her chest. Relief washed over her that she wouldn’t need to be apart from them. Given her background, that option was tearing her up inside, but if that was what they wanted….but it wasn’t and she was grateful.

 

Her little family would stay together and make the sacrifices for each other.

 

But that night, her hormones and emotions got the best of her. Ben held her sobbing, shuddering form as she wept for her kids and what this choice would cost them.

 

“It’s...it’s just so hard. What if they regret it? Are we terrible for giving them a choice? What if they lose their friends?”

 

He spoke to her in a low, soothing tone as he stroked her hair. “Sweetheart...these kids have had everything happen to them. They had no choices in any of it. This will be difficult, but it is for the best. It will be a bonding season for us all. And, having made the choice, I think it will even improve their self-confidence. They will be fine...better than fine. You’ll see.”

 

“How are you so smart...so wise? Such a good dad...and I’m a basket case. I’m not good at this...it’s...it’s…I’m a bad mom...” and she just sobbed harder.

 

There was nothing to say, really. He just held her. Then, inspiration struck, and he tried it out.

 

“Sweetheart...you are the woman that God picked to mother all three of our kids. He wouldn’t do that if you were bad at it...or if you were going to fail at it. You are exactly what they need...and being abandoned yourself, you know what James and Ella need.”

 

He pulled her out from his chest and looked in her eyes. “You are perfectly theirs...not perfect...but just what they need.”

 

The tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but her breathing evened, and she buried her face in his neck.

 

“How did I get so lucky? How are you this smart and sweet...and so hot too?”

 

She giggled a bit at the end. His mouth went dry.

 

No one really tells you how hard it will be to watch your wife increase in beauty they way a new mother does...and what will happen to her body. Sure, some of it was still a bit out of place, but she glowed, and she was soft and curvy...and her chest…

 

...he had to stop thinking about her chest while she was breathing on his neck and sitting in his lap. But she had said he was hot...and that just got his mind moving in a direction...

 

Then...with all of that...she has to be on “pelvic rest” for 6 weeks. And even then...all these emotions with all that was happening with Hanna…even if she could she probably wouldn’t be in the mood. And, they had no idea how long this ordeal with Hanna would take...

 

...he missed her. He understood and had the presence of mind to register that it wasn’t about him. But at the moment, he was not feeling as virtuous as Rey was extolling. He sighed.

 

“We are all blessed, Rey. Still hot messes...but blessed and we have each other to get through it.“

 

Rey sighed then stilled. A moment later, he realized she had fallen asleep on him.

 

He chuckled to himself and stood, carrying her to their room. He set her down and drew the covers up over her, the bent down to kiss her forehead.

 

“Very blessed indeed…”

 

______________________________

 

After six weeks, the day arrived when Hanna was ready to come home.

 

She was up to 5 and a half pounds, and she hadn’t had a bradycardia for a week.

 

Nurse Tori predicted she would be home by Christmas, and she was right. On Christmas Eve, Rey and Ben brought the car seat for her last test. They would monitor her and make sure she still breathed well enough when slouched down in the infant seat.

 

She passed with flying colors, and that was the last hurdle.

 

Finally...finally...Ben brought the car up to the maternity ward entrance, and they walked her out of the hospital to take her home. The headiness of that moment was not lost on Rey, and nothing about it was taken for granted.

 

When they got back home, the kids were excited but minded well with all the things they had been trained on. They washed their hands, stayed out of her face, used their inside voice…

 

They each got to hold her. Ella sang her a lullaby that Leia taught her...once she used to sing to Ben. James explained that as the oldest he was in charge, but that he’d always take care of her and keep her safe.

 

At last, the kids were in bed and Rey sat in the chair in the corner of their bedroom nursing her. That had been another battle...to get a tube then bottle-fed baby to be patient enough to breastfeed. After a really rough week and a lot of pep talks from their nurses and Ben, she pushed through and Hanna caught on.

 

And now, sitting here, holding her tiny daughter, she could almost pretend everything was normal. That they didn’t have a month and a half in the NICU...that they hadn’t almost lost her a few times, that she was a normal baby…

 

...almost…

 

Ben came in their room after getting the house ready for the night and found Rey laying on the bed, watching Hanna sleep. She was right up next to her, almost nose to nose.

 

He carefully laid down behind Rey, spooning her and watching Hanna too.

 

“She’s home,” Rey sighed.

 

He leaned down and kissed her shoulder. “She’s home...and we are all where we belong.”


End file.
